Plz send prayers for strength to move on

Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Plz send prayers for strength to move on
7
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 8:06am
So many of you know about my DD and her BF who holds her down. He degrades her and discourages her from doing anything that is good for her (soccer, dance, college plans). Well, she is sort of at an impasse. She is sort of falling for another guy who likes to snowboard, something they have in common. I'm asking all of you to PLEASE send prayers her way, that she will have the strength to move on. She is really wavering because current BF sweet talks her to get her back (this happened once before) and says things like "you are MY girl forever" which I guess makes her feel secure. So often she doesn't see that he is going nowhere; he is not interested in working much and the way he talks to her reallly bothers me. I just hope she can understand that he has hurt her many times in the past and that he is only being so nice to her now because he knows another guy likes her. I'm trying not to say much to her because I know how important it is for HER to make that decision. If DH or I say anything, it could backfire. THAT IS SO FRUSTRATING, because I really want her to think about what a future would be like with this BF ... no money, verbally abusive, no desire to make progress. All I can do is pray and I would really appreciate it if you all could send a prayer too. Thanks so much for the support of all the wonderful parents on this board. You have helped immensely.
Love,
Debbie
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 8:41am

Sending prayers along that your dd will be able to get out of this current relationship.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 11:00am

hugs.... i hope that your dd will make the best decision for her.

you know - i was thinking back to when i was 19 and had a bf who was controlling and jealous - i didn't realize at the time - i thought it just 'proved' how much he loved me. i don't know if anyone could've said anything to me at the time - nobody did - we 'seemed' like a great couple on the outside....

your dd is very very lucky to have you --- you are really looking out for her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 12:05am
I understand exactly what you are going through. I will certainly keep your daughter in my prayers and I ask that you keep my daughter in yours. I to have to be careful what I say or it drives her closer to her loser boyfriend. I am at a point where all I can do now is pray. And as you know it is hard.
Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 9:21am
KS, I know your situation with your DD and I will send prayers your way too. You too "heartsandroses". Thanks for your caring words and prayers. Isn't it next to IMPOSSIBLE to keep quiet?? I remind myself of this quote "If God brings you to it, he'll get you through it." Blessings everyone.
Deb
Debbie
Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 10:40am

Debbie, I will certainly pray that your DD is able to move on and that the BF will not do anything to hurt her. I'm bothered by the fact that he is controlling and verbally abusive and that he is only being nice to her now because there is another guy in the picture. I'm not an expert, but isn't this how physical abuse begins in many cases? Don't men who beat their wives begin in a manner similar to the BF?

Oftentimes it is best to keep quiet and let our kids see things for themselves, however, sometimes we have to step in and open their eyes.

I hope I'm simply seeing too much into this. I hope the BF isn't the type to get physical. However, I hope you and your DH keep this possiblity in mind.

Hugs to all of you,

Mily

Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 8:07am
Well, I DID step in because the BF was really a jerk on the phone and called her an a******. Our DS was with her and he told me. DD said he called her that because she didn't call him back when she said she was going to. DS told her that she should stop making excuses for him. Her friend AND the new guy in her life said the same thing (they were there too). I talked to DD for about an hour with her friend there and DS about this being verbal abuse and I said (in as patient a voice as I could muster), "this has been going on for a long time, hasn't it?" She started to cry and so did I. She decided she was going to break up with him. After she got together with him and told him she wanted a "break" from him to date this new guy, he cried and said he thought they would be together for the rest of their lives. When she said he doesn't support her activities, he said "he would come to her soccer games even though he doesn't like soccer." After all was said and done, he texted her many times and said he wanted her back and that he would change. NOW SHE POSSIBLY WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM!! I lost it and said NOOO. I told her this is a CLASSIC abuse situation. HE can't change. She got so mad at me and told me to stay out of her life. I just can't stop crying about it. I think I will schedule her with a therapist, but I'm afraid she will refuse to go. I don't know what to do now!! :( She says I always get involved with the two of them when she "can handle it." I have only gotten involved when things were really bad (you may remember an earlier post when he talked about a threesome and I overheard and when I heard him call her a B****). She went to a friends house last night, probably to sort things out. When she came back home at midnight, I heard her talking on the phone with the BF. I didn't even try to listen, I just went to bed depressed. I just don't know what to do anymore! :(
Deb
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 8:23am

I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. I don't post often, but I do keep up on the conversations on this board and I know you've been going through a lot.

When I was younger I had a boyfriend just like that. He verbally abused me so badly that I still hear his voice inside my head to this day. I remember being 90 lbs. and so thin that I couldn't find clothes to fit properly and him telling me that if I was going to lay out in the sun, I had to do it behind the bushes in the yard so that no one would see how fat his girlfriend was. I listened to this creep then and I sometimes listen to his voice in my head now.

I prayer that your dd will find someone who will be better for her and this creep will move on and leave her to grow into the person she should become.

Many hugs - you hang in there.

Maggie