Raging Hormones
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Raging Hormones
| Tue, 03-14-2006 - 1:43am |
My beautiful 9th. grade honor roll student daughter will be 15 in a couple weeks,I have another daughter,almost 19 that is still a virgin and going to college and a mother's dream.My youngest aforementioned above daughter was caught on phone having "phone sex" with her 15-yr. old bf,to say I was mortified is putting it mildly.I know that teens are mature now and know alot more than I did at their age,etc..and she definitely knows right from wrong and has morals and values.We have discussed the STD's and repurcussions of having sex before "ready" and she keeps saying she knows she knows...I know short of actually locking her up,there is nothing I can do to make sure she doesn't have sex(of any type) if she decides she wants too.I was wondering if there are any Books,Movies, anything that I can get for her that will stress the STD thing along with the emotional damage/consequences a person can suffer if engaging in sexual activity before they are ready? I feel she does know alot about the STD"s,Pregnancy,but knows NOTHING about the emotinal toll it might have on her.PLEASE HELP!!!! Thanks & God Bless.

I don't know if this will help or not. Try www.purelove.com. My dd saw their video at Life Teen gathering and they came to speak at her school (unfortuately she was at a Leadership Converence and missed it - drat! But she borrowed some of the literature from a friend). The video had a huge influence on her. I don't know if this meshes with your spiritual beliefs (it's unapologitically Catholic) and I apoligize if it does not. I just thought that it couldn't hurt!
Can you have big sis have a talk with her? She might relate to her on a different level. You probably won't have too much success "scaring" her with books on STD's (are you old enough to remember Reefer Madness?). Unfortuately, teens think they are invinicible (sp?)
Hang in there!
jt
This is such a tough one. I can only tell you what I did with my DD. She asked about how old I was and at told her. We talked about the emotional ramifications, her spiritual beliefs, the effects on future relationships, etc. and she did it anyway. Shortly after that, I asked the pastor at our church about having a series of lessons with the youth on this subject. She was very hesitant as she is extremely conservative but she finally said that if I could get other parents on board and find one a program the education committee approved of she would okay it. About three months later, we had a speaker talk with the youth about sex and abstinence. A few months after that, we finally hired a youth director. He put together a panel of Christian college students to answer the youth's questions about abstinence. Some of the students had already had sex and choosen to abstain and some had not had sex at all. None were currently sexually active. I think those are the ones that got through to DD - she informed me about two months later that she wouldn't need her birth control any longer. She's had some regrets but is coming to terms with them. So I guess from my personal experience I would try to get her to attend some sort of workshop that promotes abstinence. The local hospital offers one called "girl talk". It is not coming at this from a religious viewpoint so you might look at the local hospital, YMCA, Boys/Girls Club, or call some churches with active youth groups. I also strongly believe that your continued efforts at talking with her will have more of an impact than you know.
Good Luck!!
jt,
Are you sure that's the correct website? I tried it, and get something completely different! Could it be .org? I'd like to have my dd see the video as well....
http://www.pureloveclub.com/
Whoops! forgot about the "club" thing. Dd said they are very funny and relevant. In the program, Jason asks for a guy volunteer from the audience. He then picks him up and carries him to the endge of the stage and kind of dangles him over ... then he starts to talk about trust.
Good luck!
jt
Thanks for clarifying! I am going to share the URL with my dd!
Amelia
I'm a teen that posts on the board, just to get that out of the way first. I'm 16. Sometimes, i think it's hard, as teens, to see that sex that isn't intercourse is still sex. And your teen was having phone sex, which seperates it even further from the view of sex as intercourse only, because it's not even physical. Because we lack maturity and experience, its so hard to see the ways ANY sex affects every part of our being. For alot of younger teens, deciding not to have sex is more of a choice powered by what other people want for them, and what other people tell them is so, not a choice made only on their thoughts and ideas. And its hard to trust that when other people and media are contradicting that, along with the hormanes going crazy, and the natural inclination to be independant.
I think it would be most important to stress to her that any type of sex, really IS sex. She wouldn't have phone sex with just anyone. It's still sharing a part of her sexually, and can have the same emotional consequences as physical sex.
What helped me the most is a couple of speakers that came into my health class a couple months ago. They were from an organization called Caris. I REALLY suggest you check it out if you live anywhere in the chicagoland area...I don't think they're anywhere else. The talk focused almost entirely on the emotional aspects of sex, though the always gruesome STD pictures were also featured. I liked how they were very frank about everything, and also that none of the people that talked to us had sex before they were married, and not at all if they weren't married. Their website is www.notyetnotnow.com and the good stuff is located under, "Resources". Also, in that section, check out "Caris in the Media".
Hope this helps some.
Thank you again for the teen perspective. Do you go to a public school? I would like to ask my dd's school to bring this program to her middle school, but if it has any religious tone at all they will not allow it.