I could positively scream

Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I could positively scream
3
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 2:36am

oh, this boy of mine, I don't even know what to do, but hindsight is 20/20, I know what I should have done. He's gonna be 18 in less than 2 weeks. He can't hold a job because he has such a crappy attitude. Nothing is good enough for him. He seems to be looking for a job doing something different or important every day for a ton of money. McD's isn't good enough. He says there aren't any job opportunities for him like there was when I was in high school (UM, I worked at McD's for 2 years in high school!! And I made a whopping $3.35 an hour!) He grades are all over the board. He'll fail one test and ace the next (proving he can do it easily, but choses not to) He's repeatedly come to me with this sob story and that sob story and I can see right through them. Tonight, I told him if he gets one more ticket while living in our house, he will be losing his license and not getting it back. I know I should have taken it away with the first one, or even the second one. He hasn't been paying his insurance, but because he's on my insurance, I've been paying it. One of his Christmas gifts was 2 months of insurance. Looks like that's what he's also getting for his birthday. I've paid all but $100 of it since December. I told him tonight that if his insurance isn't paid and on time this month (and half of it is already paid) then he is losing his car, period. He's all pissy about it because I'm gonna make him give up his car (oh, I can see I'm rambling all over the place, but he just bought a $400 engine for the car that HE listed for sale on Friday! and from a really shady guy so I'm betting his money and his engine are history) He's pissy that I'm gonna make him give up a car that he just put a new engine in, but he doesn't even have that engine, and *I* own that car (I do and his 5 year old brother, who he borrowed the money from!) He informed me tonight that he's planning to move out as soon as he turns 18 because he is just too restricted here. He doesn't have a job, but when I pointed that out to him, he doesn't care because he'd rather live in a cardboard box under a bridge than live here. And, all his life he's talked about going in the military. We've been out to talk to recruiters, we have a pretty good idea about what he can do. But they have limitations about tickets and now he doesn't think they will take him because he has too many, and he probably does. And, he even went so far as to say he's not gonna sign his life over to this country, this country can go to h*ll (I was more than shocked when he said that)

Jeez, where in the world did I go wrong? It's not like I've given this kid everything he always wanted, he's truly not a spoiled brat. But he has an attitude like none I've ever seen. I actually already know where I went wrong, I didn't revoke his license and sell his car after the first ticket. I know I should have protected him from himself. I also know he's 95% reponsible for his tickets (I claim 5% responsibility for not taking it away) He'll have to go to court now on a wreckless driving ticket and they WILL revoke his license until he's 21, and he'll probably do jail time. Can you see me beating my head against the wall? I'm so frustrated. I never saw all this coming. I never saw a way to prevent any of it. How do I just look the other way and let him sink or swim? I was counting on Uncle Sam to take it from here.

Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 5:25am
It's not your fault all this happened. I probably wouldn't have taken away the car after the first ticket either. I would have felt that the ticket alone would teach him a lesson. You DID make him pay for the tickets right? He is making irresponsible choices. Where does his crappy attitude come from? Whether he is happy about it or not, he will have to hold a job if he wants to have a car. Even if it is McD's. If he doesn't want to work there, he needs to make an effort to keep another job. Otherwise there just won't be a car. If the engine does't work, maybe that is good. Live and learn... he won't have a car because he made an irresponsible choice. He will have to pick up the pieces from there, i.e. get a job and keep it. Seems like the car is the thing to motivate him right now and if he isn't working both at a job and school, there is no car. I know how tough all this is. YOu must feel like it's a constant battle, but hold firm on the car and don't let him slack. Even if he moves out when he is 18, let him go. It'll be a reality check. To get anywhere in life, a person has to work. Best wishes.
Deb
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 6:55am

Welcome to the world of "I'm 18 and I can do anything I d*mned well please!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 11:03am

its tuff, isn't it? no matter what stage they are at, each stage comes with its own pile of baggage.


your son is probably bluffing - so call his bluff. tell him that its fine if he wants to move out, ask him if he needs packing boxes, etc. DO NOT of coure agree to co-sign ANYTHING. let him see how hte real world operates for a while. it may be what he needs to grow up ---- it may cause him to become more responsible and start to make his way in the world. or it may send him crawling back home to mommy (at which point you will pull out some kind of 'contract' and lay down the rules).


hang in there... they need to grow up and make their way in the world. don't waste your time and energy on beating yourself up on what you did wrong. just be firm from this point on.