Bye, bye BF!.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Bye, bye BF!.
3
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 7:27am

I started getting the feeling about two weeks ago that dd was getting tired of the whole bf thing... He is a very sweet kid, but fairly immature. She has had this fixation about having a boyfriend for ages and I am hoping against hope that she is moving outof that phase.

They attended a "band formal" at his school on Saturday. She told me on Friday that the whole "calling every night" thing was getting annoying. They were running out of things to talk about and she was beginning feel like the convos were a "obligation" She said she was apprehensive about the dance but she was not going to back out. She called me from the dance - said they were having fun and wanted to know if she could go out for ice cream. I said yes, as long as adults were driving. When she came home she said things had takena turn for the worse. He was jealous because she was talking to a boy (whose father, it turns out, teachers at her school! - are you listening, Julie?) and he ignored her for the whole night after this happened. He did not even ist with her at the restuarant. The rest of the evening was uncomfortable, but she said she just couldn't break it off with him when he walked her to the door.

She attends church w/a friend on Sunday nights (helping the friend with her confirmation) and then spends the night at her friends as the church is 20 miles away. He lives and attends public school in that community and goes to the same church. She talked with him after the LT program last night and told him she felt it was time to end things.

She called me in tears from the friend's house ... it's such an emotional thing for a teen. I guess he was pretty cold to her .... I'm not sure what she was expecting but, as a people pleaser, it's very hard for her to make someone angry..

So - let's hope this is a good thing. I am trying to encourage her to continue to develop relationships with her female friends. She has made some great friends since the beginnig of the year and I'm hoping she'll concentrate on that. Her school's winter formal is Saturday ... I'm really glad she made the break when she did instead of keeping him around just so she'd have a date. It's about half and half among her friends as to who is going with a date and who is going with "the girls". I'm betting "the girls" will be a lot more fun.

I know this is NOTHING in comparison to what some of you have gone through with your teens and their "relationships" - This was all fairly innocent - he is not a WB, and dd is still young enough for us to control most of her comings and goings.... but it is still hard for me to see her sad. .. even when I know it's best for all.

Thanks for listening!!!!!

jt

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 7:45am
No matter what the circumstances - teen breakups are always tough.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 12:09pm

I hope your DD is feeling better this morning -- and that you are too. Your DD sounds like a young lady who knows her own heart and mind, but who is also sensitive to the feelings of other people. What an amazing combination!

I had to tease DD about her WF date with the religion teachers' son. Just couldn't help myself -- "Do you suppose Mr. S. checked your file and records beforehand to see what kind of kid you were before he'd allow his son to go to the dance with you?" I think she was only too aware of the position she was in with her date as there is a very likely chance she will be in dad's class for religion next year!

DD hasn't had much experience with the boy/boyfriend thing. She seems to enjoy the friendships of boys she knows, but thank goodness she doesn't feel pressured to have a boyfriend. In middle school, it seems a lot of girls measured their popularity and success as an individual on whether or not she'd had 'boyfriends'. Such that they are in middle school -- not much but a label. DD told me a while back that she's 'holding out for something special'. Good for her, I say.

Anyway, I hope your DD feels better today knowing that ending the relationship was a decision that was in her best interest. And the boy does sound rather immature.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 3:16pm

Thanks Pam and Julie! Your kindness means so much to me. Here's an update. She was fine when I picked her up from school - she said she's relieved and a good nights sleep helped take the sting away. She had a good day at school and was just plain glad to be back home again. He called about 10 min after we got home and was grilling her on the "whys" ... As if he doesn't know that slow dancing with other girls to make your date jealous (forgot to mention that one) and leaving her on her own at Friendlys wouldn't be a hint. She handled it well. She told him she was still sorting through her own feelings and it was hard to put into words. If he wanted to talk in about a month, she'd be ok with that. I told her it's ok to go into the call screening mode for a bit..

I didn't mean to sound cavilier about him. I really do feel for him and (Pam, I think you pointed this out once upon a time) I almost think these things are a bit harder on boys than girls at this age.

So here's hoping she'll shelve the bf thing for a while. She has so much else to sort through.

I am off to Miami (yes, in FLORIDA) tomorrow for a photoshop conference. I'm glad she pretty much resolved things while I was still here - I'lll rest a bit easier knowing she's doing better. I'm very excited for the conference and to escape this 20 degree weather.

See y'all over the weekend!
jt