I've been had and I am MAD!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
I've been had and I am MAD!
2
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 10:37pm

I posted earlier today about my dd's angst about splitting up with bf. Now I have the real story and I am furious!

She decided to break it off on Friday, but had already agreed to attend his band formal on Sat. She went and, when she came home she told me she'd been chatting with a guy - who appens to be the son of a teacher at her school and N, her bf, became jealous - slow danced with other girls, ignroed her, ditched her at the restaurant afterwards, etc. She then broke it off on Sun. She agonized to me on Sat about wheter she should still go with him to her dance this weekend. I left it up to her.

After her counseling session tonight, she told me she'd asked "B" (son of teacher) to her dance - as a joke at first - and he'd said yes. She wanted my blessing on attending with him. I'd asked if she wanted to talk about the breakup with the counselor (before she went in) when I was in the room and she'd said "no". Now I know why. She spent the session putting a spin on the whole thing with her counselor (who does not know the whole story - but willl!) so she could work on how to convince me to say yes. She told the counselor I'd object because he is a junior and is 16.

No. I object because I now know that she ditched N - at a dance where she was his date - had the unmitigated nerve to ask another guy to the dance she'd already asked N to - and then breaks it off with N the next day - citing the need to concentrate on her studies as a reason.

OMG.

She is up in her room crying her eyes out becuase she knows how royally she screwed up. This one is going to stay with her a long time.

She insists B is merely a friend. HA!!!! Here's what I told her. Do what you want. You can't win no matter what. 1. Attend the dance with B as a friend. Since he lives 20 miles away, iti s highly unlikely you will be seeing him again "as a friend" and since that's all you are - you won't be seeing him. When N finds out - and he will - you owe him a heartfelt apology. With no spin. (I am chaperoning the dance, so she will not be going in a car with him and I will be there the whole night).
2. Tell him you made a mistake and go with the girls. Like yo told me you were doing.
3. Stay home. I'll see you when I come back from chaperoning.

I know kids make mistakes, but I am shocked that my kind-hearted people pleasing daugher - who has been raised to do the righ thing - would do something this low.

Just needed to vent.
jt

Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 5:07am
Sounds like an opportunity came up where she really liked a new guy but was "tied down". Ahh... teens... the whole world is out there for them and how can they decide what they want? True, the way she handled it was dishonest, but I guess she was grabbing her opportunity while it was there. I don't know what else to say. She knew it was wrong and you let her know. She will probably feel bad for a little bit and then move on to meet other guys or date the new one. Life's experiences...
Deb
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 1:36pm

Oh wow jt, I'm sorry this happened to you right before you were supposed to leave town. What a crummy way to start a trip you'd been looking forward to just earlier in the day.

Obviously your DD feels terrible knowing that she did something very hurtful to another person, otherwise she wouldn't have been crying her eyes out. I'd be pretty upset if I found out my DD did something like that too.

Unfortunately, it does seem like teenagers live in the moment and your DD probably got caught up in hers at the dance. You mentioned in your first post today that you noticed she seemed less than enamoured with N starting about two weeks ago. Maybe the attraction with B had already started back then? I know it doesn't excuse her for treating N badly, and you know your DD knows what she did was wrong and she is in quite a pickle now, not just with N and possibly B, but with you too and that's probably the worst! Not trying to justify her actions in any way, just hoping to shed some light on them.

Sending you {{{hugs}}} and good wishes at your conference. What timing, huh?

Julie