'forcing' DS to go to family wedding
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'forcing' DS to go to family wedding
| Tue, 03-21-2006 - 11:27am |
sigh....
(just a quick little recap on my DS - i got divorced when he was 3, remarried when he was 10, separated when he was around 17 eventualy divorced. he was miserable in the second marriage altho he hid it, but it came out in other ways, he was depressed, very anxious, couldn't go to school, social issues. he has been diagnosed with ADHD but i have never been too sure about the diagnose. he was suicidal, was on meds, became worse, and suddenly turned himself around, he has decided to 'cure himself' and has been exercising and really working on his issues thru therapy. he is still not 'there' yet, but he is well on his way. his bio-dad has not had any contact with him since he was about 5. we do have a good relationship with mot of

Number One: tell him everyone has an opinion, and he will not make opinions for you concerning whether or not you *should* be offended.
Number Two: Please
Personally, I think he is of an age where this can and should be his decision. You can let him know how you feel (what your position is on the subject) and then let him make his own choice about it. If he chooses to or not to have a relationship with his bio-dad's family, at this point and in the future, it's really his business.
My 18dd chooses not to have a relationship with one of my sisters - I do not force it. My H tells me (and dd) that my sister is her aunt and deserves dd's respect and consideration in all matter for that simple fact. I disagree - my sister hasn't always been the greatest aunt, and my dd just doesn't like her, she finds my sister to be a loud mouth and very judgmental and slightly mean spirited. And even with her bio-dad's family, she has chosen to maintain relationships with most of them but there are some that she chooses not to and that's okay.
When dd turned 18 I allowed her to make her own choices in regards to her relationships with her relatives. She accompanies us to my brother's house for holiday dinners, and even will travel to my other sister's house over 400 miles away, but she has chosen to not have anything to do with this one other sister and that's her choice.
For whatever reasons, your son is detaching from your exIL's and that's his right, IMO. I think as long as he knows your take on it, that's enough - the rest is up to him.
thanks for your input. of course i have no problem regarding "how it looks" !! If i did, boy my life would be a lot different lol....
<> you are right! thanks for the reminder. its just been so HARD these last few years, trying to help him grow up.
thank you so much for your kind words
its been a loooong tough haul. i often didn't know if i was doing the right thing - if i could've done anything differently - *people* telling me to do this or that but nobody really knows what its like to have a depressed teen who is talking over and over about not wanting to live anymore...
anyway, i spoke with him again last night. I think that this ismore about not wanting to go to something that is somehow related to his bio-dad. even tho his bio-dad isn't even going to be there. but i think that he is so angry at his father that it is somehow projecting on the rest of the family - even tho his aunt's and uncles were so nice to him