So dissappointed...Angry...tired...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
So dissappointed...Angry...tired...
8
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 12:45pm
I am so emotionally tired of dealing with DD every morning. Today I was late to work 15 min because she "wasn't ready". I plan on leaving the house by 7:15. every morning. It is a 20-30 min walk to her school. If I leave then , she will know that I am not "waiting" around for her to drive her. She will have plenty of time to get herself ready and walk.
She is taking advantage of her situation, knowing full well that if she is late she will get Sat school and a possible court date. She knows I do not want it to go that far. She knows that I will be "available" to drive her, I wouldn't dare leave her knowing she will be late. Hear no Evil See no Evil. If I am not there, I will not know if she waits 5 min before school starts to walk out the door. She can choose to be on time and responsible or not. I will not be around to see it.
There are so many issues here...so many...I took her phone away. How long before I give it back...I want her to know that she has pushed me too far.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 12:57pm

>>>>>>>She is taking advantage of her situation, knowing full well that if she is late she will get Sat school and a possible court date. She knows I do not want it to go that far. She knows that I will be "available" to drive her,<<<<<<

Sorry but you just answered your own question. Let her go to Saturday school and possible court. She is making a trail of footprints across your back and you're actually bending over to let her.

My mantra from now on is " let the consequenes fly, it was good enough for Adam and Eve, why not our children?"

Teens are old enough to learn that when they get into the real world, mommy and Daddy may not be there to pick up the pieces... (saving that for my own records)

LARK

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 1:09pm
So it is safe to assume that you agree with me just leaving for work, way earlier? And what happens next is all on her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 1:10pm
Agree with Lark, let her make the mistake. She is making a monkey out of you. Good luck!!! Betty

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 1:12pm
"So it is safe to assume that you agree with me just leaving for work, way earlier? And what happens next is all on her."



Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 1:17pm

How is taking her phone away from her related to pushing you too far?

I mean, if she is aware of the consequences of her leaving for school late, then why not let her be late and suffer the consequences? How many times will you be late for your day before you finally let her suffer the consequences of HER behavior. Each and every time you 'save' her from the rightful punishment for being late to school she learns that she can do it again and again. There is no limit to your patience. Taking away her phone isn't teaching her to get up on time and make it to school responsibly. Perhaps cooling her heels in school on a Sat will.

Perhaps losing some valuable 'friend time' on a few weekends will help her to understand the cause and effect relationship of her stealing time from your busy day to you taking that time back by making her stay in and do chores on a Sat/Sun, thus stealing back the time she stole from you.

Call the school and let them know what you're up against and tell them your plan - tell them to call you at work whenever she is late so you're aware. Or have her guidance counselor zip off an email to you when she's late. I may be off base, but if she's over 14, this is ridiculous and it's time to put a stop to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 1:25pm

Yeah, let her deal with the consequences...she'll only do it once if a higher court has to deal with her. She can try to sweet talk another adult and guaranteed, they will see through her sweet ways and tell her what's what. Hopefully but any way, you'll be justified and be proven a good parent.

LARK

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 1:57pm

To keep it brief, I fought with my son for years over getting up for school and other issues. He is in grade 12 (or should I say WAS). His last semester his dad and I literally dragged him out of the house to school every single morning. We said this last semester he would have to get up on his own for school and show some responsilibity. Well, that never happened and he missed so much that they kicked him out last week. He didnt care - was happy that he doesnt have to go. However, now I told him no school so he must get a job.

Point I'm trying to make is we coddled this kid for over 11 school years and finally realized too late that we must let him "fall on his face" so he can learn a lesson. He took advantage of us big time and he knows it. I am very disappointed and sad that I wont see my son graduate but like you, I had pretty much had enough and couldnt deal with it anymore. He now will have a dose of the real world but I'm thinking that maybe if we were harder on him in the beginning it wouldnt have come to this. Just something to think about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 2:53pm
The phone thing in my opinion is in addition to making her be responsible of her own actions. She took my time this morning...I took her phone. Consequences.... I fully intend to let her make her own way to school from now on.