New to board & question about bullies

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2005
New to board & question about bullies
5
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 4:40pm

Hi all,


I have a 14 year old DS who is a friendly, gregarious kid who is having trouble with a boy at school who used to be his friend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 5:35pm

Not everyone here agrees with me on this one Diana, but I'm going to toss in my 2 cents worth anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 7:53pm

I agree with the previous poster that kids need to stick up for themselves as much as possible, but I think constant bullying goes beyond the regular "kids will be kids" stuff. I give kids alot of flexibilty on many issues, but bullying is one thing that absolutely drives me nuts!

My teen is a girl, and bullying hasn't been much of an issue for her. Girls can be mean, but she's been lucky that it's been relatively minor. My other kiddo is a boy, and at 6yo is already dealing with bullying. Yes, in first grade. One boy has decided that another one is "dirty" and "smells bad" and has gotten 3-4 others to gang up on him daily. They tease, push, call names, etc...all just out of the teacher's view for the most part. Twice it's escalated to a point that an adult noticed, but from DS6's report, it's happening much more. My DS is one of two in the class who don't particpate (which makes him a sometime target of the bullies, too).

After reading your post, I have decided that I *will* go to the principal and I *do* expect the school to do something about it. Out and out meanness and bullying should be forbidden, suspect boys should be monitored (and taught other ways to relate to kids and/or to use up their energy), and parents should be called every time one of their kids does this.

Good luck to your son. He sounds like a great kid, and I'm trying really hard to make sure my son grows up to be one of the nice guys like yours!

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 6:05am

Sue,


You know what's really sad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 6:29am

you're right, I"m sure, that many kids are bullied or learn these bullying behaviors at home. But also, I think many parents either don't see it, don't believe the teacher, don't take it seriously, or think it's just a kid/boy thing. At DS6's teacher conference, I waited while two of the "bully's" parents went before me. I couldn't hear what they talked about (of course). One set of parents was clearly embarrassed when they came out - I'm hopeful - their son is immature but not a 'bad' kid nor the leader of this pack. The other set of parents (their sone *is* the leader) were in a long time - teacher told me they were surprised to hear what she said. I'm sure there's a difference in elementary school than middle/high school. And maybe I'm too naive. But, I"m hopeful that alerting the parents can have some positive effect for some of the boys. I would be devestated if instead it led to abuse/bullying at home.

This parenting stuff is not for the faint-hearted! I just want to wrap my sweet little boy up and keep him safe forever - but of course that's not an option - so another worry, another grey hair!

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2005
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:22am

Thanks for the posts.

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