my son tested positive for pot :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
my son tested positive for pot :(
28
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 5:21pm
OMG, i knew something was up, i have a 16 yr ds and i was suspisious so i told him he had to have a urynalisis to as part of his physical...the pediatrician's office told my by phone the results..my stomach was in knots so i went to pick up a copy to confront my son w/it and i asked to speak to the doc..well, i ofcourse had to wait and after 1 hr, someone finally noticed i was still waiting..i guess nobody bothered to tell his nurse that i was waiting to see him, anyway, i did not mind waiting cuz it gave me time to relax , breath, think, and as i was sitting there, all those toddlers were coming and going , tears from fever, crying from shots, but when the mom handed them the lollipop at the counter after the apt, they was thrilled and smilling...i would take those days back in an instant and do it all different. God, what did it do that brought my son to not know better? i noticed his mood swings and tired all the time so that is why i asked for a toxicology/drug screen i just had a bad feeling...it came back positive for pot. we have not spoken to my son yet. the doc gave me urin bottles and i can test him in 30 days to see if he's clean...i have a counseling apt already set for him before i even got these results cuz i just did not like the way he was acting but he is refusing to go. now that i have this info, i may have more leverage to make him go. the doc said just if it was positive for something, be thinkful it's pot and not herion or crack or coke. .. i would just be happy w/sugar shock from too much candy. how do we handle this w/him? where do we go from here? anyone that has gone through this i would really like to know what you did and how you made out. thanx for listening...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 6:36pm

Don't have BTDT experience - just sending you hugs. What a tough, sad day for you. Hope you and your son talked and that he agreed to go to counseling.

(((HUGS)))

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 6:53pm
That must be so hard. I am sorry to hear it. We are just starting the teen years and I really dread them. One thing you might try, and I don't know if this will work is to warn him you will be doing random urine tests on him. He is 16 so he's just about ready to start driving. Maybe that can be used as leverage? Good luck; it is so hard being the parent of a teen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 6:55am

hugssssssssssssssssssssss


this must be such a terribe shock for you! i have no BTDT advise (thank God...) but just wanted to send you hugs. Hopefully, you will get your son straight into therapy, and hopefully there are groups for you too.


good luck and keep us posted

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 7:46am
Thanks for all the hugs...and thank you for not blasting me and saying that i should not give him anything, strip him of his priviledges, take the comp, take the cell, take the car......i just can't handle it this way. i think he would just get more withdrawn and angry at us and sneak things ...here is what we did...we picked him up from work and went to my mother's to visit for a little bit and had dinner..went home and usually he's right on the computer..we stopped him and told him not to get engrossed in the comp..we waited til his ds got into the shower to bring him to the kitchen table ..no tv, no radio, no outside noise...sat him down and my husband began..he said we know you are smoking cigarrets and we know you are smoking pot. my son did not deny it. he said yes he does but he's not a pot head, indicating that he does not thrive for it and doesn't do it daily but only about once a month if it's around and he's at a gathering but does not purchase it. well, i don't know if it was good or not but my husband told my son that when he was 16 he experimented too..with drugs, with smoking the only difference now is that my son has parents that are aware of what smoking does to you moreso that 30 years ago. that he was putting desiease in his body and we can't stand by and allow him to do this. so all in we were saying he was not getting he priviledges of the car back until we build trust between..he argued that he is not stupid and would not do it in the car nor would he drive if he did it but only would do it if he's sleeping over a friends and not venturing out and expressed again he was not a burnout pot head and he has no interest in alcohol. we agains said that this was the word, he was not getting the car back until he shows that he has changed his lifestyle..he needs to be more involved socially with outside interests and not just come home go on the comp all night...and if he's not doing that, he's at a friend's house on the comp!! yes, it is hard, i am so sad inside..i have to admit. i did it as a teen. it's different when you're child is doing it...i will never forget when my beloved Grandmother cound it in my sock as i was sleeping she ripped it out of my sock and flushed it down the toliet and never said a word to my parents. it's just different now. i am sad inside..on one hand i'm thinking it could be worse, like his pediatrician and his father said, thank God it's not herion or crack cocaine. :( its' still a drug and so is the nicotine and it's still harming his body. he did say he will quit smoking cigarettes but he has to be honest and doesn't want to lie to us and said if he's w/his friends and it's there, he's gonna do it but he's not doing it as a druggie, pot head and he's not doing it when he's driving , only once in a while. sigh. i am beside myself. thanks for listening and he refuses to go to the counseling set for Wednesday, i'm not going to cancel it yet, i will work on him this weekend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:15am
I think you are handling it fine.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 11:08am

hugs again.


i agree that taking away the car is the right thing to do because you cannot trust him to drive sober. i also agree with pam that things may be more advanced than he is admitting to.


and one last thing - i know that pot is not considered a 'big deal' and that its not *as bad* as coke, heroin and others. BUT - it is important to remember that even with the 'lighter' drugs, kids can have a bad trip, get involved in bad decision making, accidents, etc. and also, its important to remember that one thing can lead to another - i once took a training course to work with substance abuse and kids - and one of the things that they talked about was how people never start just shooting herion - they usually start with cigarettes or 'lighter' drugs. I am not trying to make you freak out any more than you are already freaking out - i just want you to bear this in mind and DON'T make light of this.


its important to get him to counseling - bribe him if you have to . maybe call the clinic and ask them if they have any advise on how to 'force/convince' him to go...


again. hugs - and let us know how the counseling goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 12:58pm
"i just want you to bear this in mind and DON'T make light of this."
I am certainly not making light of this situation but he can tell me all he wants that he won't do it and he will b lying to me..he said he doesn't want to lie and he said he will tell me the truth and doesn't want to lie....i can't stop him, i can only ride him and remind him daily that it's a bad choice..he's already commented that he's still going to do it occasionally and wants to be honest. i don't know what else to do, i want him to go to the counseling and i will work on that this weekend. he called and went home sick w/a sore throat today, his father is livid and i think it's going to be a bad weekend...i told him if he goes home sick, he forfiets the approval to attend a party tonight at his friends. I guess you never really had any problems w/your 19 year old? you're very fortunate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 1:08pm
How did you know which friends were the ones doing it??? i asked my son and he won't tell cuz he said we will forbid him to hang w/them...he also indicated one of my nephews do it too ... and would not tell me who. he won't "rat" on anyone. i have a feeling i know which one and if it is, it's too bad cuz he's a great kid, nice family..but the only thing that throws me is he's very well rounded, always has a girlfriend, goes to states w/members of the school band, plays several instruments, goes away to band camp..smart kid. just doesn't fit it. i can remember my son saying to me..."you don't want to know what he does, he does alot more than you think." did you get your son to go to counseling???? how did you handle this?? how did you find out?? what did you do, i would really be courouis to know. my son really doens't show much interest in girlfriends..he has a date for the prom but he just doesn't ask too much about going out w/friends, he is just as content sitting on the computer for hours. oh well, i guess i will have to take it a day at a time, i am feeling like i am getting in a slump. i think my son feels it too cuz he asked me what was wrong this morning...i guess it's written all over my face. :(
Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 6:19pm

IMO, I think you handled the situation quite well. I agree that screaming and taking away all of his privileges would have only caused him to be more secretive. This way, you got him to open up and give you more information than he might have, otherwise. Perhaps now your DS will feel more at ease in discussing these issues with you and your DH and perhaps that will lead to him quiting.

I don't condone what he did, but as the doctor said, it could be worse. So, don't dispare since he sounds like he's basically a good kid who is simply experimenting. Keep the lines of communication open and hopefully he won't go any further with his pot use. From what he said to you, he does sound like he's thinking about the consequences and that also will, hopefully, lead to him quitting soon.

I wish you all well,

Mily

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 7:15pm
Thanx Mily, i'm weak..i think it's because he is basically a good kid...he has asked to go to his friends house tomorrow night..there will be 3 other boys there. then he asked to night if he can sleep over his other friend's house. first we said if he sleeps at the one boys house, he can't go the following night at the small gathering. he's not happy. he said he would skip the sleep over and go to the small gathering. he really wants to go "hang out" i straight out asked him if there was going to be anything there and he said he was being truthful and there would not be anything there. omg, i want to let him go. he was again truthful and said the parents were probably not going to be there cuz they had someplace to go and again told me there would be no illegal substances there. i believe him. i want to let him go w/limited time. i don't want him to sleep over but i would thnik i might allow him to go like 8 to 10:30 and we will pick him up..he still does not have the use of the car. my husband doesn't want him to go cuz he thinks were will be sending the wrong message. i just don't know what to do, i don't want to have fighting,anger, sadness in my home all the time. he's gonna do it., he told me he's been doing it for 2 years now and that it has not escalated and does it once or twice per month and is not stupid enough to let it go any further. it's not easy being a parent. God help us.

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