pay_it_forward -- update?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
pay_it_forward -- update?
5
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 11:08am

Well? How did it all work out with your DD and her dance date drama? How were things at home when you got back from your conference? And how did that go?

Jules

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 12:15pm

Hi Jules -
Thanks for asking. I felt bad leaving that rant and then disappearing - but if sure felt good to get it off my chest!

She was pretty contrite about the whole thing and we were doing a lot better even before I left the next morning. I got back Friday evening and dh was at the theater running lights for our current show. Dd and I curled up on the couch and watched "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and just relaxed.

The dance was Saturday and dd was invited to a friend's for dinner beforehand. Since I was chaperoning (little did I know that I'd signed up ... dd volunteered me a long time ago) and the dance and dinner were in the same city, I volunteered to help with cooking and cleanup. It was SO nice - the mom who hosted this went all out - set the dining room table with the best china - candles, flowers. The kids had a blast. B is 16 and drives (did I mention that????), so he met us there and then happily rode in my car to the dance. Dd knows she isn't allowed to ride with a teen driver yet - especially in light of what just happened in our town a few weeks back - and she never even tried to get around that rule. We talked on the way to her friend's house about the difference between going to a dance with a "friend" and a "boyfriend" and she was pretty clear on the rules. She also knew that ALL eyes would be on her as the entire facutly and sisters knew that she was going with the geometry teaccher's son! We also had an interesting sidebar convo about the "friends with benefits" concept. Some good comes out of everything, doesn't it?

He was a perfect gentleman and I was proud of how she handled the evening. She had fun, but I really don't think she'll do anything like that again. She can be very impulsive and she knows she needs to work on that.

I must say she REALLY lucked out where N is concerned. There was no Life Teen Mass this weekend, so she didn't have to face him. She has two more of these before her friend is confirmed and I've told her I expect her to go and honor her commitment. It will be a bit easier because some time will have passed and she will have our exchange student with her. Facing him the day afer the dance would have been much more difficult for both kids.

I am still astonished that she did what she did - but a litle time and perspective have helped me to see that, while she did make a mistake - it is just that. A wise friend once told me: There are no mistakes, there are only lessons. And a lesson will be repeated until it's learned.

Chalk this one up to a learning experience.

And I really AM going to post those photos!
jt

and now I'm off to read your reply (assuming you've replied) about the not nagging...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 6:08pm

It does sound like a really lovely evening; I'm glad everything worked out. So, is N a new boyfriend or just a friend she took to her dance?

When does your exchange student arrive?

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 7:42pm

Thanks, Jules! N is the outgoing BF (sounds crass, doesn't it?) B is a friend. I'm sure dd would like it to be more so, but I told her I'm holding her to her word - she assured me, when this was all going down, that he was just a friend - and that he will remain.

It was fairly obvious to me that B had different ideas as to where he fit in (that evening), but I know dd well enough to say ... with fair certainty .. that she's going to let this go. She's feeling fairly guitly (something her Catholic mom has psssed along) and is accepting of the consequences. For now.

Our exchange student arrives Wednesday! I am excited, scared, apprehensive, giddy and optimistic. All at the same time. I'm putting a page for her on my website (which is new and fairly pathetic). I'm asking her parent's permision to do so - if it is granted, I'll post the link.

Glad all went well with your dd's speach! Is your dh back in town or are you still the driver? My dh experienced a little of what that was like last week - ironic, isnt' it?

jt

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 8:55pm

Oops -- got the initials all mixed up! Does N actually know he was displaced by B for the dance? Velcro Boy asked DD to her wf first and she told him she hadn't planned on going. At that point, she really hadn't. She is pretty sure VB knows she ended up going after all and feels pretty guilty about it.

DH got home Saturday afternoon so we're back to our usual commuting routine as of today. Hallelujah!

DD has tomorrow off though and I am happy about that because she is soooo tired today. During dinner at the MUN conference Saturday night, it was announced that North Korea had been firing missles in the direction of Japan and the United States, so they all had to go into major peacekeeping mode. DD said that little operation kept them up until 11:30 pm and that people were passing motions like "I move to go to bed now" and "Can I make a motion to end this right now?" They were all exhausted by that point and had to be back down for breakfast and checked out of the hotel by 8:00 am the next morning. Poor kids!

Be sure and let us know how your experience with your student goes! Hopefully, she won't find your cooking 'tasteless and unappetizing'! :-)

Jules

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 11:19am

I hope your dd doesn't feel too guilty - or at least not guilty for too long - about the dance. It was all so last minute and she was telling vb the truth at the time. Sometimes you have to be a little bit tougher with the velcro types - they don't take subtle hints very well.

I don't think N knows that she took B to the dance - and I'm really hoping he doesn't find out. It may happen that he will choose to stay away from Life Teen in which case there won't be an occasion for them to see one another again. He was confirmed last year and was only attending the sessions after meeting dd at a retreat. Frankly, I think she has suffered enough and doesn't need any extra pain. If he never finds out, that will be a blessing for him as well. I know I'm taking the easy way out at this point, but it has already been hard enough - even though the dance itself was still fun.

I will post an exchange student update after we meet her tomorrow night~
jr