Let me clarify a few things....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Let me clarify a few things....
2
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 8:01am
First, thank you ALL so much for your advice and for letting me vent!I appreciate all advice- good, bad or indifferent. I know I was acting childish and immature. I guess I didn't realize the impression it was giving to my daughter. I know that sounds silly, but I must say that 99.9% of the time I am the only level-headed, strong, patient one in this house. Everyone else gets to throw their temper tantrums and have their bad days...and I very rarely take up on that opportunity. So, what I honestly felt, in dealing with my daughter, was if you want to treat me like crap, then I'm going to show you how it feels. I KNOW ITS IMMATURE!!! But, I do feel that she needed a reality check. Plus, I feel that she needed to see that I, too, am a human being- I'm not absolved of all basic human needs and wants just because I happen to be a mother. Does that make sense? She is a great kid, and I know that she is doing exactly what she should be at this age. Believe me, I was a very, very unruly, bad kid....at her age. So, I know I'm lucky! As for the sleeping in my bed? Nah, I don't see that as a problem. My DH isn't here at night, and I have a huge bed and I can distinctly remember how afraid I was as a child growing up in a huge house with all kinds of noises and such. I am still afraid of the dark. Last night, at 3 A.M. I awoke to my daughter pulling the blankets up around me and giving me a kiss on the forehead. So, she still loves me :) We are very close and maybe that is why I do take things personally with her. But, again, I know that I am not her friend, I am her parent. So, last night I reiterated the fact that should she bring home C's on her report card, which, for the record is not because of not understanding, it is just being too social and lazy- long story- but, she WILL be grounded and lose computer privileges. She didn't think I would say it again- like I forgot just because we were getting along again. Sent her into another, albeit shorter, temper tantrum. C'est la vie! Im sticking with it too! So, again, as you can see, I tend to ramble...but thank you all so much for your advice! STephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 8:51am
I have reacted the same way at times and totally understand where you were coming from. Occassionally I feel like it does her some good to see that she has hurt my feelings and that I too have feelings. Just sitting her down and talking it through doesn't seem to sink in to my DD - she has to learn the hard way. Actually seeing my response to her tantrums reminds her that I'm human. Sometimes I need to distance myself from her when I'm hurt and by not catering to her every whim I'm giving myself some time and space to calm down. I've actually gone to DH and told him that he's in charge for a few days and I've told DD that as well. If she needs help with something or permission to go somewhere, she is to ask dad. Dad is much stricter than I am so this doesn't set too well with her but it also reminds her that she is lucky to have me for a mom. At first I was afraid that she would see this as I was abandoning her but my DH explained to her that I do most of the daily stuff for the family, I have great responsibilities with elderly parents, I work with the youth at church, I support my students in many ways, and I carry alot of emotions around with me and that occassionally when she and I argue it's exhausting. I had to laugh when he told me about this conversation with her b/c he made the statement to her that this is why God gave kids two parents and her response to him was that maybe he should take on more of the daily stuff and I wouldn't be so overwhelmed. I suddenly had a renewed appreciation for my DD.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 5:29pm

I think just about everyone gets frustrated with those 12-14 y/os at times, I think you'd have to be a rather cold or uncaring parent to NOT get frustrated by their crazy behavior sometimes.