Thank you for everything..
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| Fri, 03-31-2006 - 4:25pm |
I thank all of you who gave me hugs and prayers and constructive criticism, even you Jules. I do not take criticism well and I have to work on that...
I have decided to go into semi permanent lurk mode. I like reading and finding answers that way. I'll ask my counselor the questions that I need answered. My daughter won't go into counseling, and my Ex won't back me up to put her into counseling because he and I have joint custody. He hates doctors and counselors of all kinds and thinks I have the problem, not her so I'll have to do my best at doing my job at getting myself better and in control.
As a rule, I believe my divine gift and true nature to being on this earth was to be a mother, my kids have always come first, I never worked out of the home when they were preschoolers, until the jerk left me for another woman and made me a single mom with no education who had to find a job fast so we could eat. I only took classes at college through the internet or when I had the baby at a sitter. Always part time. After 5 semesters as a freshman, I finally moved to sophomore in my degree pursuit. I have a 3.57 GPA and am very proud of that. I hope to graduate sometime in 2008 as now I am again going to part time (6-9 credit hours) so I can deal with the stress presently in my life.
I consider myself a very good mother who has never drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, done illegal drugs, and went to church every week and raised my children in a christian religion. I have a few very close friends from church and the neighborhood and still consider my best friend the girl I met in the lunch room 20 years ago this year. She tells me she loves me and after what she and I have been through together, I am so gateful! She knows me through and through and still wants to be my friend. Loyal friends are hard to find and even harder to keep that long. I am the luckiest person alive because after 14 years in a hellish marriage I finally found a man who loves me for who I am,and not a man who wanted me to turn into a slave after the honeymoon was over. I have a great marriage and a great life, believe it or not!
I am not suicidal because I have too much to live for. I know the teen years will fly by and then I can grin when DD's kids act the same way she did and she comes asking me for advice. The Lord made me her mother for a reason and He strengthens me with His wisdom and silent encouragement. We will all get through this, no matter how awful or out of control we may feel now.
Bye Bye
LARK

Oh Lark, I don't think anyone takes criticism very well, constructive or otherwise, and I am truly sorry that I came across so harshly in my response to your post. There is surely a much kinder and more diplomatic way of saying what I wanted to say without causing you so much hurt and upset. My sincere apologies.
You do sound much calmer and more in control now and I hope the steps you are taking in working on your relationship with your DD, as well as all the other stress factors in your life, are helpful.
Please do de-lurk from time to time to keep us updated on how things are going for you.
Congrats on that GPA and best of luck to you,
Jules
I also want to say congrats on that GPA and keep up the good work. I personally love taking classes - they give me something to focus on. I find that when I am studying, I'm not worrying about my kids or my parents or my DH or whatever is the problem of the moment. I can mentally get away from it for awhile. Then when I come back to it I usually see it a little bit clearer.
I also think that it is good for your kids to see that you value your education. You are teaching them a good work ethic. I was so very proud of myself when I graduated college (the first time) and I had a one year old little girl watching me and pointing and saying momma. She doesn't remember that but I certainly do. I finished college while pregnant, raising a kid and working 3 part-time jobs. DH only worked one part-time job and fished the rest of the time. He didn't have a clue what "help" or "partnership" was all about. He does now or he wouldn't still be the DH.
I finished my MBA a little over a year ago and my kids have watched me go through this. My oldest and I have gone through college together and sympathized over tests, papers and mean teachers. My youngest has definitely learned that I value an education and that it is necessary to go that extra mile to get the jobs that pay anything. She has also learned some neat study habits simply by watching me.
Please stick with it. You deserve it and your kids will someday appreciate these sacrifices.
I am sending my support and encouragement. Raising teens is a challenge to all of us. You should be very proud of your GPA - keep up the good work and let us know how things are going from time to time.
jt
Lark,
I really hope you will not give up posting here. I completely relate with what you are going through right now, but for somewhat different reasons. My two teens have ADD and I have to confess that with my dd14, it's been so hard to come to grips with that. It was like saying goodbye to a "dream". My kids will have to suffer all their lives with this disability, nothing will ever come as easily to them as it does to other kids - the straight A and B and even C students. My kids have to work their blood sweat and tears for everything they earn/learn. And being the nature of teens, they just don't want to do that. I was actually crying this a.m. because of something that hurt me (realizing their struggles) and when I looked at my calendar (a Touched by an Angel one) at work I felt like yes, God is with me. I want to share this with you:
"You know that God has not left you alone in this. He does not want you to judge yourself or anyone else. He wants you to do what you've always done: be His child and let Him comfort you. Nobody can do that better than He can right now."
There is nothing more to say!
I am coming out of lurkdom to tell all that I am reading the boards. The weekend had it's up and downs, to say the least. There was a breakthrough on my part on why maybe she is thinking the way she is. I am 99% sure I know why she is doing what she is doing. Half is teen mode and the other is her still dealing with the divorce that happened 2.5 years ago. She needs time to deal with these unresolved issues and that is what I am going to give her. I am not blaming myself anymore. That, in itself gives me more peace than I had in the past month.
Thanks guys, I am reading the board and it is great to hear that I didnt' offend anybody. The boards are my daily routine and even if I dont' post for awhile, I'm totally ok and getting through a lot better now....
LARK