School, Grades, Attendance, Motivation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
School, Grades, Attendance, Motivation?
4
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 12:56pm

I'm sure I'm not the only one, this is so frustrating!! My daughter is a freshman, smart girl, but started struggling last year in honors classes. She is only in 2 honors classes this year, being in honors isn't important to me, I just want her to do well. I was hoping there would be less pressure. She is on prozac and sees a counselor for depression, she's a former cutter. Her grades are horrible, bringing home D's. She seems to understand that it is not good, and wants to do better but also gets overwhelmed with it all and ends up doing good, then bad. She doesn't want to go to school, and as far as I can tell, there isn't anything specific going on at school to make her not want to go. I think she is just tired and overwhelmed. She is in color guard which has taken up lots of her time and energy, but she loves it and it is the only "A" she's bringing home. I am a single mom, in over my head financially, emotionally exhausted. I am trying to help her, but am so tired sometimes. I am trying to find a counselor for myself too.

I'm not sure how to encourage her to get better grades, or to even go to school, she doesn't ditch, she just asks not to go and then when I say she has to, she picks a fight with me and tells me how selfish I am and on and on. I am getting much better at not taking these things personally and not getting defensive, sometimes I feel like I am a kid myself.

Color guard will be quieting down soon, and she will be less busy which may help her. I can guess how she feels, overwhelmed and in a hole that feels impossible to dig out of, but I need to her to plow through it, just like I am. She is one of those kids that only hears the negative things I say, and feels like I am always ragging on her about her grades. I did tell her if her grades don't pick up, she would not be on guard next year, and then said no more as her counselor suggested, but that's when her grades dropped from C's to D's. Hands off may have had us fighting less, but her grades suffered.

I am very open to suggestions. I just want her to do well and be happy, like all parents I guess.

Thanks for your help, this board has been a real help.

Carrie

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 1:59pm

Hey, lucky (I like that name). Any chance your dd can switch into regular classes rather than honors classes? I know some parents don't like to hear that, but it seems to be that if your dd is struggling in those classes perhaps she isn't the same girl she was in her earlier educational career.

Many students at the Freshman year begin to manifest symptoms of ADHD and the first place it reveals itself is in the student's grades, ability to keep up with her classmates, a lack of desire to attend certain classes, and an overall lethargy. There is just so much going on around them, they get restless and can't focus as well.

I have a friend whose dd was in AP (like an honors class) classes for a year and did okay. Then, she started 10th grade and failed terribly, despite what were her best efforts. This student was also involved in many extracurricular activities, which were threatened by her poor grades. Against her mother's wishes, she reqeuested the change into regular classes and has done beautifully. Her anxiety levels are down, she passes with B's and A's and she is able to continue her involvement in her choice activities outside of school. In fact, right now she is an exchange student in Italy!

I hope you're able to help your dd resolve this so you can all know peace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 2:15pm
I agree, have you considered changing her courses? Perhaps it is performance stress? Are her friends from color guard in honors classes, too? Kids handle stress differently from adults, as do boys from girls. Have you talked to the school counselors? My guess is, if she was a cutter, that her abililty to cope with stress is low. I know you said that she is seeing a counselor, have you talked to that one, too? Perhaps they have an idea or can help your DD develop tools for coping with school work stress. While I am no expert, it just seems to me that something has got to give, and right now it is your DD's grades.

Our school uses career clusters to help kids to focus and create goals. What are your DD'd goals? Try sitting down and charting them out. It may be that honors courses are not what she needs for her goals. Teenagers need for their activities to have value. If she feels it's a waste, then she won't want to do it.

I too am dealing with declining grades and loss of interest in school. The goal thing is what we are trying to work out right now. As my DS pointed out, goals change and that's OK, too.

Good luck!
Sandra

Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.
C. S. Lewis


Live well, it's the best revenge.
The Talmud

Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.
C. S. Lewis

Live well, it's the best revenge.
The Talmud

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 2:57am

hi my name is sara and im 20 yrs old. I saw your post, and had to reply. Have you thought that maybe the prozac isn't helping her, and is just making the depression or her moods worse? I was on prozac for a while didn't care for it at all. I finally switched doctors and now im on wellbutrin 200 mg a day when i remember to take it. When i actually remember to take my doses it does wonders for me.... Maybe you should talk to her doctor about trying to put her on different meds to see if that helps. Another thing you probably should do is check, and see how open she is with her counselor, because if she doesnt tell the counselor how she honestly feels they probably wont get anywhere during the sessions if you know what i mean.
hope that helps.
Sara
P.S. If you want to email me my email is babysmile1999@hotmail.com Or if your daughter wants to email for someone to talk to that's cool too.

Best of luck to you, and your daughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 6:35pm

I appreciate all of your responses. She is only in 2 honors classes, and I believe if she just buckled down she could do well in them. I don't want to pull her out now, it's so late in the school year. She received her recommendations for next year and it served as a momentary wake up call for her. She was only recommended for one honors class next year, which bummed her out. I told her I don't care about honors, I just want her to do well and be happy. Like I said, it was a wake up call, although it seems like she is so overwhelmed at this point, that she wants to give up. I have broken down as low as I can go, offering her money towards something she wants for guard for each A or B she brings home on a test. Maybe it will help her to only focus on one specific thing at a time.

I am trying to find a counselor for myself for support, it's just hard to find someone you click with. I like her counselor a lot, but my daughter doesn't feel comfortable sharing her.

I have thought the prozac might not be working. We already tried Zoloft which seemed to depress her more. We will be going back to her psychiatrist this week. I am worried that there won't be a pill that works and she will just keep feeling miserable! But, we will keep trying.

I often go in with her counselor, sometimes just at the beginning just to give her a summary of how things are going so that I can be sure the information is being shared about how she is really feeling, then I leave so they can talk. My daughter is pretty open with me, which is good, although sometimes I don't know what to do with the info, but I try to pass it along to the right people.

Again, thanks for all the input. I keep trying to help her get through the now and look forward to the small things, like spring break! And the winter guard season is almost over which will give her a break too, although I know she'll miss it.

Thanks again!