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| Thu, 04-06-2006 - 10:46am |
Hi Everyone....
So back to my saga of 17DS and all the troubles. Things seem to be better. I took him to see the police constable yesterday regarding the bomb threat thing. The officer talked to him (without me and recorded it) for about 30 minutes then spoke to me after. He said that he didnt think he was serious but said he thought he seemed down or depressed and whether I would consider having him go for counseling. I explained all the troubles he's been having the past 3 months (quitting school, girlfriend of 2 years dumping him etc.) and that DS approached ME about seeing counseling. He said that was good and its a tough age for these kids. Son is not to have any contact with the girl that turned him in and to watch what he talks about online - MSN and email is NOT secure and uttering threats over the internet, even if its a joke, is taken very seriously. I think DS was scared straight on this!
I talked to a counselor and the soonest I could get him in was April 18. She suggested taking him to our family doctor and getting him physically checked out. Perhaps a low dose of anti-depressants might help in the interim. We see the doctor today. Son's mood seems to have improved. He has been keeping better hours - however is still at his buddy's house until 2 am but at least he's up by noon or so now instead of sleeping all day.
So....I'm not sure what to do from here on. He needs to find a purpose of some sort, whether it be a job or back to school. He wants a car, even if its a beater car. Last discussion I had with him was he find a job, stays with it for 2 weeks at least to show he's committed, and we will help him find a car. My husband and I will drive him back and forth for these two weeks. Told him all I want from him is $200 and he can pay me back in installments providing he's committed to this job. If he loses it, he needs to find another or the car will be ours. Specific details still need to be worked out and on paper but thats the gist of it.
Now, given his mental state and depression, I'm not sure how far to push things. I'm definitely not going to kick him out. Do I wait to push things more with him after he's seen the counselor a few times and maybe on some meds?
I am also in a state of blame on myself for letting things go this far. When I look back, I remember the crappy time he's had in school all his life, never fit in. I tried to be there for him but now I think I shouldve maybe had him switch schools and gone in the city as opposed to staying in our small town where there's only one school and he was pretty much labelled. When I thought he was just lazy, maybe it was depression all along. Maybe I couldve stopped all this a long time ago if I wouldve just paid more attention, taken it more seriously and really listened. I just didnt realize he was in such pain. I have such a heavy, heavy heart right now.
Now I"m just trying to make things better for him but I dont know how far I should go. SIGH!

Life is so much easier in hindsight. We can see all the things we could have done differently and how we think they would have turned out. But that's hindsight, could have's and would have's - not reality. If it's true depression, then a different school might not have made any difference as that's caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Counseling helps teach those with depression how to function and be happier but it doesn't cure it.
Hopefully things will continue to look up. You are very lucky to have found a police officer that was willing to work with you in this situation. Maybe he was able to say the exact same things you've been saying in a way that DS will hear.
Please remember to take care of yourself. Worrying about him can and will take its toll on you and that won't do anyone any good. Try to find something that can be a positive distraction. Once you've had your mind fully concentrating on something else for a while, things will become more clear for you and you will be able to help DS.
Thanks for the update and good luck!
I think you are doing a great job so pat yourself on the back. And I agree with tobylady-do something for just you-don't let this bog you down. We ALL have 20/20 hindsight with our kids and we all ASSUME that if we did Y instead of X, things would be okay. One thing you see on the boards is that some other parent did indeed do Y and guess what? That didnt work either!
Have you facilitated the job finding? I insisted mine fill out three applications a day and I did the driving and/or standing over him while he filled them out. I wouldnt worry that maybe they wont take him because hes not 18. Just going into the store and asking for an app and filling it out is moving forward and forming good habits. Easier to get moving once you are already moving
I would do this now instead of waiting for the appointment myself
BTW, he DOES need to look good when he drops off that application even if he doesnt have an interview. The grocery my son worked at required the person accepting the application to fill out an 'appearance' survey so, if yours is like mine, you might have to nag about an application outfit-just a polo and khakis with shoes other than flip flops is good.