help with 13 year old daughter
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| Sun, 04-09-2006 - 12:17am |
Hi everyone. Good to know this board is here! I have a thirteen year old dd and I've just discovered she's planning to have sex with a boy she knows. I have read some of the emails she sent him and I'm shocked at the highly sexualized content. She has not been truthful about where she's been lately or what she's doing. Her grades have gone from A's to D's. She knows I have read her emails, this is out in the open. We're making an appointment for her to speak to a doctor about birth control. I knew I would be dealing with sexuality and sexual activity eventually but was unprepared to deal with it this young, to this extent. Caught me off guard (and I work with kids for a living, go figure, lol) Any advice or insight would be appreciated because my objectivity is not impressive right now.
cg

I'm sorry you're dealing with this at this age. You can never be too careful, but bear in mind some kids get very bold and very dramatic online. She may not be as interested in following through with what she is saying as it may appear. At 13 you still have quite a bit of control as to where she goes and with whom. I think I'd start with a frank discussion with her about sex and all the emotional and physical ramifications and then I would do everything in my power to be sure that she is not alone with this boy.
While it's true that if they really want to have sex, they'll find a way - I think most kids this age are very conflicted on the subject and tht it is possible to head this off at the pass - or at least make it terribly inconvenient for them.
jt
Yes, how true that they can be dramatic online! However, she has been "making out" at her friend's house with him and even here, with me in the living room! I had told all the kids (4 of them) that doors stay open and lights on. I heard a door swing shut and went to check it out and found a girl on top of a boy. They were 12 and 13. My dd and her "boyfriend" were on the other side of the room in a corner. Some of dd's friends have told their parents they are worried about my dd b/c she's getting a reputation for being willing to dish it out. Some have seen her making out and she's paid them to stay out of the room. So the online drama is being carried out. In one email she said she's willing to go all the way with him. You know, as I write this, I can't believe I'm writing about my own child.
We have spoken at length about sex. But she's got me completely tuned out. And the lying has gotten out of control. I have to stay one step ahead of her and not put anything past her. This is really difficult given I have other children, a job, just finished an internship and an ill and elderly mother.
My dd is already in counselling but she refuses to speak to the therapist. She's on meds for OCD and has been for two years now.
cathy
cathy,
Find a therapist your dd will talk to...there is one out there, somewhere. It took me three times to find one my dd will talk to. Now she can't wait to go see her therapist! Weird. Don't give up b/c it looks like your dd needs help...