Prom date with ex-bf/ DD selfish?

Avatar for jupiterfit
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Registered: 05-12-2003
Prom date with ex-bf/ DD selfish?
2
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 8:53am

Our DD broke up with her BF about a month ago and has been a pleasure to be around again. She is having fun with her soccer buddies, hanging out with other guys, doing fun things. There were several guys interested in asking her to prom, but she chose to go with the exBF. I THINK the reason is that she wants to see if he can change like he said he would. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to her and it had been going on for quite a while. When they broke up, he said he missed her and he would change. I have been trying to give her alot of room to figure things out. She hasn't been talking much, so I really think she is trying to think about things and make her own decisions. HOWEVER... she has been seeing a guy and I think she really likes him and I KNOW he is in love with her. They are together several times a week. He can't go to prom because he was kicked out of school (another story... again he is "changing his life" and has been through rehab). I have to admit, I like the new kid and maybe he will grow up to be a decent adult.

I have a problem with the fact that she is leading him on and making him believe that they can possibly "have something" together, while giving exBF "another chance." This seems selfish to me. I've tried to talk to her about leading more than one guy on... she is a very pretty girl and athletic so there are several guys that would like to go out with her... another thing that confuses me. She always wants to choose the guys that have the least to offer. But that was another post; her self-esteem is beginning to improve. My questions: should I keep trying to discuss why it's not very nice to lead more than one guy on? Or just let her figure it out and hope the consequences take care of the situation? I just feel bad for the second BF; he certainly doesn't want her to go back to the exBF. She did this with one other guy too... some of you may remember snowboard boy. He was heartbroken. I mean after all... she said she broke up with her BF! She goes into these relationships with guys being pretty up-front about still liking the exBF and wondering if he will change. What is a parent to say about this behavior? I don't like it! I really WISH she would go out with one of the decent guys that likes her, but that probably won't happen... that would be too easy on us. She doesn't seem to like "nice" guys.
Deb

Debbie
Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 4:59pm
Geez I feel sorry for DD... she is really agonizing over these boys. I told her last night that she needs to be happy with HERSELF first and not worry so much about these high school romances. She should just tell them all she is not ready to be serious with anyone right now. None of these guys is any prize :/ She doesn't get that part at this point in her life right now though. She has an appointment with a counselor but could not get in until May. Maybe it will be blown over by then(?) doubt it though. Because I said something to her last night, I guess I will just let things go for awhile now. But we DO have to shop for a prom dress. She doesn't seem very excited... just stressed.
DEb
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 10:09am

Hi, I actually feel what your feeling. I recently found out that my daughter who has been dating a great guy for almost two years may be seeing someone else along with him. I have no real proof, but I know her. Her b/f is such a busy guy, he is in all kinds of organtizations and has practice or something jsut about every night, I think she is just feeling a little neglected. However, if she is seeing this other guy I think this is horrible and I feel like I have gone wrong somewhere. Leading anyone on I think is terrible. That is playing with someone's life, that is not fair and she would go crazy if he did that to her. If she would break up with the guy she is dating, he will be devestated. It will shake his whole world. Maybe this is just a crush and it will pass, this happens with teenagers and adults.

Back to your post, maybe we should tell them that. How would our daughters feel if someone did that to them. Let me know how that sounds!!!!!!!!!!!

Andie