Help!!! frustrated iwth my 15 year old

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Help!!! frustrated iwth my 15 year old
5
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 3:18pm

Hello I have lurked off and on and now I need some ideas.

I am engaged to a wonderful man and we are planning to get married. Well in SEptember of this year I and my 15 year old daughter to move in top live with him.. So sheis started a new school and she states she hates the school she has no friends. I feel bad for her becase I have not found a job nearby yet so she is with my fiance and my mother in law. I am working toward finding a job nearby so that I am home every night but I am at a lost as what to tell her. I know it is all new and things are different than her old school. She is in the musical at school and has join the drama club but she is not old enough to have a car or drive herself. So I am not sure what to do with her. Keep her at the same school? Or send her to a another school? Her grades have not dropped and they are very good. She just not happy cause of the students that don't give a darn what there grades are?

lisa j romesburg

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 3:33pm

Parents often see this with their kids that leave home for college. They don't like it b/c they don't have any friends. They don't know their way around the campus or the city. The food is different. They aren't sleeping in their own room. They miss their parents (though they would never admit it). As a college teacher, I usually tell parents that unless their child is sick with misery ask them to hang in their for the first year. During the teen years, kids are more shy and it is harder to make friends than it was when they were 6.

It's wonderful that she's trying to join some extracurricular activities such as drama. I understand transportation may be difficult but she might like to see if there are other activities at school she might like.

I don't know what your religious beliefs are but if are interested in attending a church/synagogue, etc as a family, now would be an excellent time to start. Call around and find a few with medium size youth groups (10 - 20). Smaller ones tend to exclude newcomers while larger ones just overlook them. Visit at least two or three times and try to find someplace that is a good fit for your family. This will help DD to make friends out of school. Just a suggestion.

Good Luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 3:44pm
You stated that your daughter is currently living with your fiance and his mother. Does he live with his mother?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 6:39pm
yes we do live with his mother. She is 90 years old and is not wanting to go to a home so we have moved in to help with the bills.

lisa j romesburg

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 7:30am
And why would she be expected to be happy? She's in a new school and doesn't have friends yet (she will but not yet), she's in a new home with people she isn't really related to yet, her mom does not live there yet and she misses her. What's to be happy about? If she's joined the drama club and is participating in school she's not too depressed. This is a big change in her life and to be happy will take more time. Give it a year and I predict things will be different for all of you. As for now, you will just have to deal with the fact that she is not happy and that you feel guilty. I have been there.
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 9:18am

I agree. This sounds like a difficult time for her and with gentle patience and understanding, in time, she will come through it. For her, she is basically living with strangers, which leaves very little room for that down home cozy feeling that most people enjoy in their own home.

I think that once you're in the home and she settles into her own routine and makes some ffriends things will calm for her and she will be more at ease. In the meantime, this may be a good opportunity for your SO to create a special bond with her. Is he interested in her? Do they do anything special together, like a meal out at Friendly's or something? Is there a dog or other pet in the house that they can do something together with? You get the idea. I hope you find a job closer so you can get on with your life. Hugs~