Bisexuality?
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| Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:33am |
my daughter is 14 and has not had any kind of sex - of this i am sure - she's had one boyfriend for about a month and they kissed...
now - i spy on her online activity - i admit it - and checking it today - it appears that she's thinking she might be bisexual... she's never mentioned this to me though i'm not surprised as this seems to be the very early stage of questioning how she's feeling... seems she has two male friends who have admitted to being bi- though in my experience boys who say they are bi are actually gay and just afraid to admit that at such a young age... i knew a lot of boys in high school who were just coming out and still had girlfriends... however, i didn't know any girls who went through this...anyway - i think she's defining herself based on why one of these boys thinks he's bi - and i don't know what that reason is... i do think that none of these kids have had any real sexual activity straight or gay at this point...
since she hasn't brought this up to me should i just ignore it until she comes to me with questions or should i try to bring it up in some way? i'd love to get her reading materials to help her but there's no way i can do that w/o admitting i've spied on her..
ugh
any advice out there?
Rachel

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From what I can tell from what my dd tells me, it's not so much that being "bi" is a fad. She says it's just not such a big deal to *decide* what your sexuality is for them as it was for us. She has two gf's who sometimes sneak off and make out, and one gf who has a steady gf, but when I said "so does that mean they're gay? or bi?" she says it's not like that. Right now they just like each other, who knows what they *really* are. It's confusing to me, but not to her. I guess sexuality is more fluid for this group of teens than it was when I was a teen. Also, since both our DDs are in NYC schools, I wonder if it's something that is more prevalent here than in other HS.
I had to LOL because it reminded me of conversations I had with my Dad when I was this age, trying to explain what it meant to be gay. He tried hard to understand it, but it was so foreign to him.
Sue
Hi,
I've been wanting to respond to your post, but was afraid I'd get flamed for my views. I guess I'm feeling especially daring today...please, if you disagree with me do so respectfully.
I just don't recall when I was a teen ever having to make a "decision" one way or another about my sexuality, it just "was". Our kids are living in a different world. I used to believe that homosexuality was something you were born with, but now I'm not so sure. In the schools, it is becoming more of a "lifestyle choice" which goes against everything I've ever believed about homosexuality. My dd and I have discussed this many times - in her school, as it sounds like across the nation, teens are "experimenting" and "considering" whether or not they might be bisexual. My dd is convinced that it is a trend, and she sees many girls saying they are "bi" just to be trendy and get "attention". This really bothers us. I'm very tolerant of homosexuals, becuase I've always believed they were born that way. I do, however, maintain that it's not an appropriate or moral lifestyle choice. I almost think our society has done a disservice to our kids in the way we've openly accepted this as a lifestyle choice. My dd and I both believe you are either straight, gay, or "kidding yourself". I had gay friends growing up, and so does dd which I approve of, so please don't call me "homophobic".
This is definitely going on with teens right now. I'm almost waiting for connect with kids or Oprah to do a special on it...
My SIL is gay and says she always knew; it's not something she 'tried' or 'grew into' or 'made a decision about'. FWIW.
Sue
Over the years, I have met two gay children that I knew right away would grow up to be gay. At the time they were as young as pre-school age (one of them, a boy) and it turns out I was dead-on. This is not sexual behaviour I'm talking about (obviously) but in the case of the boy, he clearly identified more with girls, at a time when developmentally boys were with boys and girls were with girls. There are always "signs" if you think about it. I think if you are gay you have always been gay - if you are questioning it, you are making a lifestyle choice. Is that a fair way to see it?
So you tolerate homosexuals? How kind of you.
What if one of your kids was homosexual? Or do you think you can see the "signs" right now?
I'm sorry, but your posts dishearten me.
zz
I do believe it is an innate thing to be gay yet, at the same time, I bristle at the idea of it being recognizable at a young age
To me, gayness is about sexuality and I dont know how one can know who interests them sexually until they are physically capable of feeling sexual attraction.
Yet I know people who are gay who insist they knew from age 5 or 7 and I totally cant grasp that. I played with girls and I played with boys. I didnt feel sexual attraction for either of them at such a young age-they were just playmates and, if I wanted to build a fort, Craig was my number one choice. If I wanted to play with dolls, it was over to Janets house. There wasnt anything 'deep' going on there!
Personally I think it's a 20/20 hindsight thing. A female realizes she is gay in her teens and remembers the special girl next door when she was 5 and thinks "thats where it began", not really grasping that heterosexuals had the special best friend at 5 too
But, that's my opinion. I just cant buy that we are sexual that early!Even though I do buy that the programming is already in place just waiting for the hormone surge
Back to the OP, I think its a shame this has become trendy. Gay until graduation? What? I feel for the teens who truly are gay because it's added a new layer of difficulty. Now everyone assumes they're just going through a phase.It almost has to put off the family acceptance by a few years. It has to.
Wow. It takes a lot of guts to be so honest and open about a subject that can be so touchy. My hat is off to you. I also believe that everyone is respectfully entitled to their opinion. Although I don't totally agree with you I can see where you are coming from. Our society is lead to believe that being gay is all about sex. Is being heterosexual all about sex too? You mentioned that someone knowing that they were homosexual at such a young age is a bristling thought. Would knowing that you were heterosexual at such an early age be "bristling" too? I work in an elementary school and I see children as young as kindergarten admitting to liking someone of the opposite sex and even saying that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Surely they know that they are attracted to the opposite sex. I'm sorry but it does not send bristles down my spine. I believe that society has taught us that homosexuality is a dirty word. Maybe even feared. Are they correct? Don't forget, we once thought that Elvis Presley and his girating hips were going to corrupt our children and the Beatles had hidden satanic verses in their music when played backwards. We've come a long way baby.
Also, my DD told me that she thought she might be bi. She was 14. She has since grown out of it and is dating a very nice young man. When I brought it up awhile ago she just said, "Oh that. Yeah, I was young." And just dropped the subject.
I was the one who brought up bristling at the thought of being able to tell the sexuality of a young child by observation. Since they are asexual at that age I wouldnt read sexual attraction of either type into the BF/GF thing or a BF/BF thing so there would be no judgement to pass. I would see two kids playing and imitating what they see in life, on television, and where they live. Period! My boys all loved to sweep and vacuum in their young years but, trust me, it didnt mean a life long commitment to the lifestyle.
I bristle at the thought of thinking that little boys who play with dolls, play with girls, or choose a pink polo are gay. Or little girls who play police and soldier with the boys and wont wear dresses are gay.
If being gay isnt about sex, please explain because YES, thats how I see it.
I am heterosexual and, to me, that explains my sexual orientation. Just as being a Democrat(woo-hoo)explains my political orientation. Neither tells you everything about me.
Woo-Hoo!!
zz
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