Is watching TV in BoyFriends Bedroom OK?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Is watching TV in BoyFriends Bedroom OK?
15
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 2:28am
Okay ladies, I need your opinion on this. My DD - 14 yrs old - has been dating a nice 15 year old boy for a few months. Boyfriend is very comfortable hugging, kissing, cuddling up with my daughter infront of anyone who is looking. Now she told me that when she goes over to his house, his parents allow them to lay across his bed in his bedroom and watch TV. The door is closed. I'm not comfortable with this.... and told DD. She says all is innocent and that the rest of his family watches TV downstairs. It seems to met like this will invite trouble. Am I being overly paranoid? What would you do?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 6:25am

"Not COMFORTABLE with this...????!!!!"

No kidding. I would be having a stroke.

Do his parents have s#*t for brains? Or are they "cool" parents who want their kid to "like" them above all? I would put a halt to your daughter spending any time at this boy's house. Obviously his parents can't be trusted.
IMO, a 14 year old is too young for solo dating anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 6:59am
When hell freezes over would be when I would allow this. NO WAY. I guarantee you they aren't just watching t.v.!
Peace,
Susan
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 7:27am

I don't think you're unreasonable at all... his parents are either too trusting, too naive, or just don't give

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 8:02am

I wonder why she told you if she knew you wouldn't approve. Could it be that she's really not comfortable with the situation? Maybe she's looking for the out of "my mom said I can't watch tv in your room anymore or I can't come over". I've told my kids forever it seems that they can say "my mom would come unglued if she ever found out ___________" They have used the above and it's always in situations where they didn't feel comfortable or didn't want to participate.

Anyhow I wouldn't want my dd watching tv in a bedroom with the door closed either. On a somewhat funny note - I wasn't allowed to have dh in my bedroom at my parents home (door open or closed) after we were engaged and I was 21!!! That may have been a little extreme!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 8:54am

I remember watching TV in a different part of the house when dating. After all, we wanted privacy and we wanted to watch something other than what the parents were watching.

Those are the reasons to respect that choice. After all, is it fair to expect them to watch "Antiques Roadshow" with you(DH is an addict)?

OTOH, I remember what we did during those Saturday NIght Live episodes. Under a blanket as the mom always had to come to the basment TV room for SOMETHING.

That would be the reason NOT to respect that choice

I honestly dont know what to tell you. A second TV in a family type room SEEMS better but not all families are going to have that option. We can ask the bedroom door be kept open but what if the house is small and now dad cant hear the football game?

I guess I would ask the door be opened and if there was static, agree to have them at my house instead

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 9:48am
No, a 14yo girl should NOT be watching TV in her boyfriend's bedroom, especially with the door closed.
Pam
Avatar for cathiann
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 10:02am
Definitely not--especially with the door closed.

Surviving Middle & High School
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 10:34am

When I was dating my ex, and we were in our 20's, his family lived in a big house since they had six kids. His BR was on the 3rd floor. I remember his mother used to say "What would Liz's parents think about you watching TV together in your room?" At that time, we lived about 1.5 hrs. away from each other, so we used to spend weekend at each other's houses. About that time, I told him that he should get his own apt., which he did. Looking back, it was kind of surprising that my parents, who were pretty strict, didn't make a big issue about me spending weekends at my BF's apt., but since I was 25 yrs. old, there wasn't much they could do about it anyway. Of course we were having sex.

The only time I have let my DD (17) have a boy watch TV in her room was once her friend tony came over to watch a Red Sox game. I know she & Tony don't have any romantic interest in each other, or I wouldn't have let them. Plus, my DH is kind of a pain about having kids over. I would gladly say to her to watch TV in the family room, but he will complain because we don't have a TV in our bedroom and all the kids do. So I was doing it to keep the peace. If it was her BF, however, I would not have felt comfortable w/ it and if she had to go there because my DH wanted to watch TV, I would make sure the door was wide open. I know kids find a way to do what they want to do, if that's what they are looking for, but I don't believe in giving them opportunities to let temptation get the better of them. I know there have been other posts about letting BFs sleep over and my reaction is just "are you kidding?" My DH was doing a lot of things in hs that I wasn't doing. He just used to rent a motel room. But I just think this gives them too much opportunity for physical closeness.

P.S. My parents got married when they were 21. At that time, my mother's little sister was only 8. My mother would complain that when they were dating and trying to sit in the living room alone to watch TV, her little sister would always be right in there with them. I think my grandmother put her up to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 10:53am

I agree with the post that mentions that maybe your daughter is looking for a way out of this and told you so that you forbid it. I had a similar situation when my daughter was the same age. She was not comfortable with what was going on and she eventually told me.
She is 19 now and her b/f (a different boy who she has been dating for 2 years, btw) is 18 and his parents still don't leave them alone in the basement family room for too long. They do not believe they should be just left alone in their home, even though she is in college and lives in a dorm.

14 is wayyyyy tooo young.

Good luck, hope this helps.

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 10:54am
Just casting my vote on the 'no, I don't think it's okay' ballot. I too, feel that 14 is a bit young for one-on-one dating and relationships.

 

 

 

Pages