Would u read notes from DS's GF?
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| Fri, 11-10-2006 - 10:54am |
alright I just re-read all of the below and I am apologizing in advance for this being so long but it was the only way I could make it all make sense. TIA.
Ok let me give a little back ground info on this situation. My DS is 16 yo and his "girlfriend" is 18 yo. They have had a "relationship" since last year. I nearly had a fit when I found out he was interested in this girl 2 years older than him then and I refused to let them "date". I knew there was not a darn thing I could do while they were at school, they could call each other whatever names they wanted but as long as they were not going off on a one-on-one date and absolutely no group dates either, then no problem in my book. I made it clear that I didn't like this 2 year age difference. Just seems too big at their age. Problem is the boy has had several girls older than him ( and a lot that are younger) showing interest and would just as soon date him if they could. (he has never been on a date either - he had to be 16 and have his driver's license) Anyway they ended up breaking it off during the middle of the school year. Then they got back together over the summer. Just talking on the phone (without the g'parents knowledge) and myspacing. Still no problem since they aren't allowed to "date". Here is the thing this girl's family and I have a history. Strangly enough I dated a member of her family as teenager. He's a year younger than me (so made that 2 year age thing a little hard to argue when he found that out but I held my ground). He was also in the same class as my DH. Obviously it didn't work out and we broke up within a year. This girl lives with her g'parents since her parents aren't very responsible and just couldn't take proper care of her. The g'parents are very strict. The girl has never ever been on a date. She is very closely monitored by her mom and an older sibling who go running to the g'parents at any little thing they think she has done wrong i.e talking to my son at football games. They are both in the band.
For his 16th birthday we gave him a bash and he invited all his friends including her. She was not allowed to come. Even though when she had her 18th party my son was only one of 4 kids to show up. Well the girl came to the party for a brief time, she stayed the night with a friend. This friend's parents (so I've been told knew they were coming and set the time limit). I knew from talking with my son and reading his myspace messages that the g'parents had said something to the girl about not liking my son due to his father's history as a teen. (you know the typical bad boy kind of guy....drinking, some drugs,etc). But I don't know exactly what they have told her. But that she has told him. But his father (my husband...we've been married 17 1/2 years, together almost 21 years with the dating) is now a successful businessman. Hasn't drank or done drugs since we started dating as that was an absolute before I would ever date him. He hasn't even smoked a cigarette in 10 years. Some of this info I know as I came across several letters written to my son by this girl. She even made a comment that her mom was tattling on her to her g'parents about seeing my son and her talking at games, etc and her mom even told her g'mother that I waved at her at a band competition. Oh my goodness how wierd is that? It's a crime to be friendly. I've known the stupid woman most of my life.
In one of the letter the girl told him to steer clear of her family that the g'ma was threatening to have someone tell him off and that if she did not stay away from my son and vice versa then she was going to call me and have a talk with me. The g'ma is worried that the girl is ruining her life. Which I don't get at all since she isn't allowed out of the house except school and home football games and a few away games as long as they aren't far away. Otherwise she is "sick" for those games. In her notes she talks about just getting in her car and leaving one day but the girl has no where to go and certainly no family that has any sense to turn to. Her biological father just reappeared in her life and I am hoping he will be a man and give her someone to lean on and will help her out. He seems to have his act together but I don't know.
I really don't know what to do. I don't want my son being told bad things about myself and his father since they are coming from a source that has a narrow mind anyway and their viewpoint is skewed. I don't know whether I should sit him down and talk to him about all of this. What I would really like is for it to be August of 2007 with her being graduated and hopefully away at college, but will probably go to a local jr. college which is just across from their high school campus. So with that possibility and of course the communication technology we have today how limited is their contact going to be even after she is out of high school. Not very much I am afraid.
Ok I know this was a lot of info but I have few people to talk to this about and I wanted to get some people outside of the situation who has teens opinion on handling this.
I will say this..... I pray that g'ma calls me. I would love to give her an ear full.
Bottom line is this....would you have read the notes. They were really harmless except with some mention of her family difficulties and some mention of myself and DH. But mostly when it came to really personal info i.e. exactly what they said about DH she would not write it out as she was afraid someone else would get the note and read it and use it against her or my son. She doesn't even sign the notes. She would tell him she would talk to him in person about it. So she isn't stupid. I really don't want my son mixed up with this family but I don't want to hurt this girl either as it seems my son and her friends are the only normalcy she has in her life. I am just talking myself in circles. OK enough....opnions please.
Edited 11/10/2006 11:03 am ET by thekissinghand
Edited 11/10/2006 11:04 am ET by thekissinghand

Would I read the notes? Absolutely! Do I search the kids' rooms while they arent home? Yes. Do I monitor their online activity? All the time. Do they know I do this? No way. Sorry, but the old "have to give them their privacy" is a bunch of crap in my opinion. The more I know about my kid's lives the better. This is a different world we live in now than 20 years ago.
I snoop in both my girls rooms from time to time. What they don't know won't hurt them and what I don't know may hurt them.
Anyway, that was some story you wrote. Things could be worse. The past is the past and some people just can't stop dwelling on it. The important thing is that your son knows you and your husband now. The rest is just gossip. Sometimes we just have to ignore what people say about us because we may just be adding fuel to the fire. Hope it all works out.
I'll put money on it that you live in a town of under 5,000 people, coz this is the kind of thing that happens here all the time:
- I don't want my DD dating him coz his father was a druggie 25 years ago.
- DS should/should not
"The hardest thing were the notes my daughter received from her girlfriends folded kind of like origami or something. Quite a puzzle to put back together. I suppose this was a detterent to snoopers."
Very funny! I certainly can relate. It didn't deter me though.
Ditto! I couldn't agree more; and a great incentive for her to clean up her room. Guess what? She still doesn't, so all the more snooping for me to do.
Deb, the origami puzzles...that is too funny! I can surely relate.
I couldn't agree more though, be prepared to find something you are not prepared to deal with! And that's the hardest part...