driving curfew

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
driving curfew
7
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 4:44pm

My DD is 17 (until March 5) and in our state, teens under 18 aren't allowed to drive after midnight. My DD is usually good about getting home on time and I have really never said she could stay out later because my view is, how can I tell her it's ok to break the law? This summer, she was out alot and was really pushing it to coming home at exactly 12:00 or very close, then when she went back to school, it wasn't as bad, plus she was only going out late on weekends and even then, sometimes she has to work on a Fri night, then if she works til 10:00, she's usually too tired to go out after. Plus every other Sat night, she is at her father's. So it hasn't been bothering the household (i.e. my DH, who is her stepfather. They really don't see eye to eye on anything.)

So this past week, on Thurs she had homecoming dance which was at the school and ended at 11:00. She wasn't sure if anyone was going to have a party after. I told my DH that I might let her stay out later (although I really hadn't told her that) cause it was a special occasion, however, she was home by 12:10, which is really earlier than I had expected. Then on Fri she went to the movies after work. The movie started at 10:20 and she said it was only about 1.5 hrs. so that was cutting it pretty close, cause you never know how much extra time there will be for previews, plus she didn't tell me she had to drive a friend home. Now that we have a new door that doesn't slam, it's hard to hear her come in, but it was a little after 12:00. My DH started to comment on it. He said she came in at 12:20, but I think he just heard her come up to the bathroom then, which is not when she came in. Of course, that annoyed her no end because he was the one saying it.

I did go along w/ the program and told her that I didn't think it was too much to ask for her to be home by midnight for only a few more months and that I'm trying to protect her from getting a ticket and having her insurance rates go up. Sometimes, I just get so sick of nagging though. Her response is that she isn't going to get pulled over at 12:05 if she drives very carefully (the law is that before 1:00 a.m., the police can't pull you over just to check your age, it would have to be another driving violation, but I'm sure they can pretend, however, I really think that police have enough to do w/o trying to make paperwork for stupid things). My response is that she might get in an accident caused by someone else, even if she is driving carefully, and then she would get a ticket. Even though I am saying this, part of me just wants to stop nagging and if she happens to be a few minutes late and she gets a ticket, it will be her problem to pay it (she has her own car and pays for her own insurance). If she was really late, I would be really mad, but it seems like this isn't the kind of problem to get worked up about. I guess my DH is the kind that just has to find every possible fault, esp. w/ my DD and this is the only thing he can think of because she really doesn't do anything wrong. I wish he would just mind his business and take care of his own 16 yo DD because he would have enough problems there (although she has been more resposible lately).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 6:58pm

You admit you are making arguments you truly dont believe in. Im sure she picks up on that-that radar has been perfecting itself for almost 18 years

I think she should ask/inform you if she thinks she might go past curfew. We ran into this with movies a lot and I wouldnt call it asking but it wasnt rude. "The movie is over at 11:50 and I have to get X home so I'll be a little late"

If she comes in at 12:20 every weekend night, that's different

DH just needs to get on the same page and when you figure THAT one out, please email me immediately!!!!! You can try talking though; I recently got my DH to agree on something where his gut reaction was polar opposite so it CAN happen. I think it's a matter of finding the right time(which usually isnt aywhere near the time of the incident)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 7:37pm

Hi :)


Does her insurance company cover her even if she is driving when she is not licensed to be on the road?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Tue, 11-14-2006 - 8:59am

I also live in a state where 17 yo drivers cannot drive past midnight. When my DD got her license in August, we conformed to the state-imposed curfew and allowed her to stay out as long as she was home by 12:00. This proved to be a bad idea. Four weeks after getting her license, she was at a friend's house. She lost track of the time and started home at around 11:45. We live in a fairly remote, poorly lit area and all her friends live a good distance from us. DD took a sharp turn a little too fast and had a serious accident on the way home that night. Thankfully she was okay with the exception of a mild concussion, some cuts and bruises, but the car was totalled.


I stongly believe that if I had imposed an earlier curfew, she wouldn't have "needed" to be in such a hurry that night. Now, our curfew is 11:30 and she leaves where ever she is by 11:00 so that there is never a need to be rushing.


As an aside, IMO your DH needs to be a little more flexible. A door opening and closing or someone using the bathroom shouldn't have to bother him that much, as long as your DD is courteous. You have a child who lives with you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 11-14-2006 - 11:58am

Occassionally would be okay provided that she was actually somewhere doing something (movie, dance). Hanging out in the parking lot of Sonic is not okay. I would also make it clear to her that is she gets a ticket, the ticket and the insurance are her responsibility. I would certainly not let it become a habit and if she started to get into trouble in other areas, this would stop immediately.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 3:08pm
My DD already pays about $2500 year for ins. on a old car, which doesn't even include collision, where mine is about $900/year since I get the safe driver rate. We were talking about how it's really unfair to younger people not to be able to get the safe driver rate. Even though teens as a group get into more accidents, it doesn't seem right that ins. co.s can penalize them BEFORE then have gotten into any accidents or had a ticket. Yes, if she got any kind of ticket, she would have to pay for that too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 3:11pm
That's why in the summer I suggested that she come home by 11:45 so that she wouldn't have to rush home. She was doing pretty well for a few months. My DH and DD just don't get along and I guess this is the only thing he can find to complain about (no, actually he will complain if she takes showers for too long, plays the radio too loud, etc.) If he read this board, he could see what actual teenage problems are and then maybe he would appreciate our kids. When my DD & I were talking about where she should go to college, I mentioned that I didn't want to have to pay for her to live in a dorm if she chose to go to a school nearby and her response was "I can't live w/ for 4 more years." I don't really blame her. It's very unfortunate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 3:26pm
I prefer to look as those very high rates as sort of like a vaccine. If DD has to pay more for the privilige to drive and she knows that will only get worse if she is unsafe, then she tends to be safer. Of course, my DD is an extreme tightwad. This theory didn't make one iota of difference to oldest DD but it has worked very well with youngest.