15 y/o on the pill?? WWYD??
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15 y/o on the pill?? WWYD??
| Wed, 11-15-2006 - 8:05am |
Last night my DD 15 N came to me and asked me about going on birth control pills.
| Wed, 11-15-2006 - 8:05am |
Last night my DD 15 N came to me and asked me about going on birth control pills.
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I think I'd take the easy way out and go to the GYN and see what he/she recommends for the heavy period issue. If it is BCPs, cross that bridge, again with being informed by the GYN as to how this would be for long term, etc. There may be other things out there to adequately help your dd, that don't include BC. I'd say do that as Plan A and go from there.
Sue
{{{rose}}} Having been through this with both my girls, I know how conflicted you're feeling...it can be downright <> even to think about it.
I think your decision should be based solely on what and how much N shares with you, how confident you feel in her ability to make a decision about her personal health, and about reality.
The reality is that once she's on the pill, especially if T knows, it will be easier for her to say 'yes' should he suggest 'the next level'.
My 19dd went on the pill at 16 for severe periods and cramping and was on it for just about 2 years before she became sexually active. She has a very strong sense of self and refused to 'give it up' on a whim. She's a thinker and she shares almost everything with me, so we were able to have some really great M/D talks all the time - most of them in the car! lol.
DD17 went on the pill the summer before her 16th b'day. I put her on the pill, she didn't ask. In fact, both she and my H were confused as to why I decided to put her on the pill. It was following the sexual assault. Based on some of the evidence drawn from our computer (thier IM's) I deduced that sexual activity was not far into dd's future and figured I'd rather her at least safe from pregnancy at the very least. This dd was not a talker, in fact, she would plug her ears whenever I tried to discuss anything even remotely sexual to her - pita. Anyway, another thing I liked about her being on the pill is that it took the guesswork out of predicting when she would get her period. She was always off schedule and this helped a lot. In early Fall she started up with this boy from school, who was a nice enough kid and eventually they had sex. When she told me, it broke my heart, but at least I knew that she was safe. She assured me that they had used a condom, in fact, it broke!! Haha - It was then that we were finally able to talk more openly about things and that continues to this day.
I can't tell you what to do - only you know what's best for your dd. Incidentally, I was on the pill from 16-23 without any complications. I actually got pregnant with dd19 about 35 days after discontinuing the pill! My DR said it would take at least 6 months, haha.
Hugs~
DD14 is on the pill, for this reason. She was having heavy, long periods every 2-3 weeks and was slightly anemic. She was also having hormonal acne. Her face was constantly a mess. She actually went on the pill about 3 weeks after her 14th bday. While the BC pills certainly helped with her period length and frequency, it had limited effect on her breakouts. The only negative my dd has had are her boobs getting huge! She's 5'2" and very small framed and she gained close to 10lbs after being put on the pill and she swears it is all in the boobs.
I talked in length w/ dd's doctor when we went in for the pills, but sorry I don't remember the details so I'm no help. I would talk it over w/ your dd's doctor and go from there. Good luck with your decision.
A late ETA: When dd was put on the pill it was at my request. Again, she was slightly anemic and I know for a fact she was having her period quite often. When we put her on the pill, we discussed EVERYTHING. At the time, she wasn't in a relationship, so it wasn't as stressful for me. You guys may remember over the summer/beginning of the school year, she began a relationship with an older, experienced guy. Once that began, I began stressing more and more how the pill isn't foolproof (her 3 cousins are proof of that) and doesn't protect against STD's. She also has recently began taking oral antibiotics for her acne and I keep reiterating the fact that this may make the BC ineffective. You guys may also remember me buying 2 pregnancy tests recently for 2 of her friends. She knows quite a few girls that have had abortions. She knows people at her school that have syphillis. She knows all the facts. We recently watched a Lifetime movie "She's too Young" which was about freshmen girls, having oral sex and Syphillis runs rampant at the school. At that time, dd expressed that she was dying a virgin LOL I can only hope!! Again, we arm them with whatever info we can and hope they find all the right times to use that info. And yes, there have been a few of dd's friends that are wanting to be sexually active that have used the heavy, frequent periods to get on the pill but you know your dd.
If your dd, is talking to you about this, hooray for her! I would just keep on talking and talking and talking lol....
I know my dd isn't sexually active yet, but when she is, I know she is armed with a lot more info than I ever was. Her bf has been awesome and hasn't pushed her a bit (well other than that one time that she swears was all her) so I can only hope this trend continues. Originally, I would have been thankful if she was a virgin until 2007 lol...prior to her saying she was dying a virgin, her goal was to hold on her virginity until senior year. I had to sit her down and talk on that - why her senior year? why put a date on it? etc etc...
Sadly, I know dd is one of the few virgins left in her group, a matter of fact she is the last, and she kinda felt awkward about that - then I asked her how her friends felt about how/when they lost their virginity and if they were happy about it - that opened her eyes. I guess I'm lucky that her friends keep making the mistakes that I keep warning her about and she is learning through their mistakes.
Good luck, I definitely know where you are coming from....
Edited 11/15/2006 12:49 pm ET by kel7col4
My 15dd started using BC because of severe menstrual migraines. It's been a blessing but trust me I had the same fears. What if she felt this was an open oppurtunity for her to have sex, what if she was with a guy who had been with mutiple partners, what if she got pregnant anyways...we have always been very close and open with each other. I knew she had already had sex with a previous bf and instantly the thought of being a 38 y/o grandmother flashed before me, no way, not me, I'm too young! BC was her only option for the headaches and I would have to deal with my baby growing up rather than have her suffer anymore. She completely understood it was for her health that we would allow this. She has been extremely responsible too. She currently has been in a relationship for the past 6 months with an older, much more experienced boy. I spoke with both of them about using condoms along with her BC for the fact that he has been with several other people and because of the slim chance the BC might not always be effective. They are respectful of my request and agree they are deffinitely not ready for parenthood.
As far as dh goes, he was very understanding because of the pain she has gone through for years. He also remembers what it was like to be that age and although I'm sure he's in denial, he knows they are sexually active. I guess we both know that if they're going to do it we really can't stop them, short of locking her in a cell! But as long as they are acting responsibly and the boy continues to respect her we can accept it. At least we know we can trust her not to sneak around behind our backs and know she isn't making herself widely available like most of the girls in her class are.
I am so feeling for you right now, I see this in my future too unfortunately! I would have to say weighing the fear of her possible actions of being on the pill vs. the possiblity of becoming a grandparent...hmm..pretty easy choice. I'm not saying she's having sex, but yes I used the heavy period excuse on my parents to get on it in high school to protect myself. I would continue to address the condom issue as health protection as well as back up, but when my daughter starts to talk about it I'm pretty sure I'll swallow my emotions and do it. AND be glad she was brave enough to ask for it! :)
Denise
Deb
First and foremost, take her to the dr. and see what he/she has to say about it. As the other posted noted, there may be other alternatives. Also, while you are there, see about getting her the HPV shot, for cancer. Again, my daughter is only 13yo, when I went to my dr. in Oct, I asked him about her. I have made her an appointment in Jan when they are out of school for the holidays. I would not hesitate at all putting my daughter on BC. But I am thinking more of the shot, every 3 months. One of the reasons is, there is a girl here who was a sophomore, dating a senior, she was on BC pills, quit taking them because she was afraid he was leaving when he graduated. Her mom took her to the dr. when she found out she had been skipping the pill and was going to start the shot, that is when they found out she was pregnant. Now she is 16yo with a baby, working nights, and sure enough, the boy stayed behind from the army or college whatever he was going to do with his life. I mean, yea, he needs to help with the baby, but I feel for him.
That is one reason so many I have talked to is in favor of the shot. You can take your dd to the dr. and know she is getting her BC.
But defiantly, take her and talk to the dr. You can tell your husband and explain all of the reasons why. He is a male, he doesn't know what women go thru!! Hey, if I talked to mine about the problems yesterday, YOU CAN DO IT!! HAHA!
This was a difficult issue for me as well.
DD is on the pill for the same reason. Of course it stands to reason many kids will smoke screen with the "bad period" thing before they admit to mom or dad they're going to have sex.
OTOH, it seems a LOT of girls go on the pill simply for this.
As others point out, I can't really know what it's like. All I know, is every month DD was in her room with the heating pad, crying, and biting my head off for asking if there was anything I could do. That doesn't happen anymore.
You are rightly concerned about the "timing" of this request. Yet it seems you and your DD have some really good communication going on. I've come to the conclusion if they ask for it, give it to them. That wasn't easy for me.
I am on my knees thanking God that I don't have a girl! OY! I'll pray for all of you!
Peace,
Susan
Hey Rose, this is a tough one. I too would suspect the timing of the request...but does that actually matter? I saw a pp mentioned how much easier it would be to take it to next level if she thought pg
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