More suicide talk...
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| Thu, 11-16-2006 - 7:40am |
Well, I have posted about the local missing girl that everyone suspects committed suicide. DD had a situation last night that really freaked her out. One of her best guy friends told her on im he was gonna kill himself. It's not the first time he's done this to her - well, dd totally flipped out. The first time he did this to her, was about a year ago and when dd turned him down, gently I might add. He has done it a few times since, but not as dramatic as last night. The boys father also committed suicide a few years ago, I don't know the details. DD said she was going to go the guidance counselor about it today, to try and get this boy some help, but I don't know if she will. I know she's worried he will flip out on her. Should I go to the school armed with the chat conversation? He knows I know, because after I forced dd to go to bed last night, I chatted with him (I told him dd was flipping out and I forced her to show me the conversation). He never said anything to me about what was going on or what he had talked to dd about...
I told dd that those that talk about suicide are asking for help. At that point, she was ticked at this kid for doing this to her yet again....she was flipping out on everyone close to her, while trying to get this kid's cousins' phone number and everyone was just nonchalantly saying he won't do it. She didn't think he would either, with the history they have, but after the missing girl she was terrified this would be "the time" and she would feel responsible. And to her credit, he was much more specific than he had ever been.....how he was going to do it and left goodbye messages for dd to give to specific people....
He needs help....I don't know the family and I don't personally know the kid - if dd doesn't go to the guidance counselor, what is my place?


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Oh, how horrible.
I think everyone needs to take his threats very seriously. I've been told by a psychologist that children of people who committed suicide are more likely than other children to commit suicide. Also, people with a plan are more likely to carry it out. So that's 2 strikes right there.
I'd probably have to take some action. I know you don't know the parents, and chances are that they might blow you off, but you'll never know unless you try.
Good luck, and my thoughts will be with this boy.
zz
I'm so sorry you and your dd are having to deal with this. My dd had a similar experience last year with friend. He was a good friend but that was all. I told her I would contact the school and she said no she would talk to the counselor. Long story short - he was very grateful (almost too grateful??) that she did. She knew his home life was pretty messed up from what he had told her.
I would have definitely contacted the school last year if dd didn't talk to them. I didn't want my dd feeling responsible for any actions he may have taken - even though she would not have been responsible in any way. I know my dd and she would have taken on that burden - if only I would of ..... Another reason - he's just a child. I saw it as he was begging for help and knew my dd would not sit by and do nothing. Another reason - if that was my child who was begging for help I would hope and pray someone would do something to throw up the red flag for me if I wasn't seeing it.
I don't know what our place is. Some parents feel you need to stay out of everyone's business but your own. I guess I do what feels right to me.
Sounds very familiar - this guys home life is supposedly quite bad from what he has told dd. She said last night she was going to the counselor today, but I didn't talk to her this morning before she left. Should I give her the chance to do it or should I contact the counselor myself?
I guess I am a little gun shy in this department. My whole family went through a living hell after a similar situation and my "helping" came back to haunt me. This kid obviously needs help and dd would feel totally responsible if something happened to him.
Maybe I will text her and pray I don't get her in trouble lol....
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I can relate to that. It got to the point where the police came to my house and there was a big commotion in my front yard... so that I finally asked if I could change clothes before I went to jail. At that point, the cops backed off. It all began because I got involved in a child molestation case. The offender tampered with my car, broke into the shed. I had his family and girlfriend showing up at my house wanting me to retract what I had been told..... his new wife really went off on me one night. But I never backed down and am happy with my decision now... but at the time, it was pretty scary.
But in your case, this kid could end up dead. So I say text her. If she gets in trouble, she can always call you so you can go to the school and then the whole story will come out.
If you want to call the guidance counselor anonymously, that's also a good option.
Keep us updated, please.
zz
If I were in your shoes, I would immediately call the guidance counselor and brief him/her as to what is happening. I would then request that the guidance counselor meet with my dd TODAY to talk to her about what is going on. At that point, dd has passed "the responsibility" to an adult (and one that is SUPPOSED to be able to handle such matters). In addition, the guidance counselor can also assess how dd is dealing with the situation.
HTH
Amelia
Well, I tried to text her and sure enough this is the one day she didn't take her cell to school
In my case, when we were in Germany, my dd's best friend's mother got drunk one day and decided to attempt suicide. She called me and asked me to come get her dd's. I ended up getting help to her and she was fine. W/in a month, she went psycho and for 9 months literally stalked and threatened me and my dd daily. She personally assaulted my dd, sent her dd to school with instructions to "take my dd out" and also "paid" a girl to assault my dd. My dd was 10 and 11 over this time period. The problem only ended after I got our State Senator involved (we lived on a military base). Many other things happened as well, but I don't want to take from my immediate problem.
I will call one of dd's friends that has lunch with dd and hopefully they have their cell's on them today!!
Well, I just sent the counselor an email. I was very brief, but asked if dd had not been into see her if the counselor would request a meeting ASAP.
Fingers crossed....
I would definitely go to at least the guidance counselor. Are you able to print off copies of the chat conversation? Sometimes speaking of suicide is just a way to get attention or have shock value. It isn't always. If this boy were to do something after telling your daughter, think about the effects that it will have on her. If she's already flipping out at the mention of him talking about it. What do you think will happen to her if he were to follow through on his actions and actually commit suicide. You might be having to help your daughter deal with some extremely difficult emotions. It could cause her to become depressed and create some of these same feelings in her. And, some times men will actually turn their anger outward before finally turning it inward on themselves. Unfortunate, but how many times do you hear about a murder-suicide.
She might become mad at you for saying something. The boy's parents might become mad at you for saying something. BUT.... IMHO it is your responsibility to tell someone because you are really protecting your daughter from possible consequences.
The guidance counselor would be a good place to start. If you don't get much response there you might check into your local health department as a way to find a number for a teen-suicide hotline or who you can call to have someone check into seeing if this boy needs any help. At worst he may actually need help and you'll be helping him. At least he may have to see a counsellor or psychologist and find out he's fine, just messing with your daughter. Either way, a mental health professional will be talking to him.
HTH
Sallie
I am able to print the chat conversations and I have it saved and ready to go. I did say to dd, those that talk of suicide are crying for help or attention, but w/ the recent events of the missing girl, it makes you wonder how many signs were missed with her? Her myspace headline was a cry for help and no one noticed? That upset dd greatly. I have to admit I was quite shaken up to - didn't want to over-react and surely didn't want to under-react either.
This boy has a history and I guess it's kinda joked about that he bi-polar. Not meaning he is bipolar and they make fun of him for it, but everyone says he is bipolar and he's either happy or he is depressed - no in between. He seems to only be happy when he has a girlfriend and sure enough everytime something happens with a girlfriend - he runs to dd and talks like this. And always between girlfriends he makes advances towards dd and when she rebuffs him or tells him she loves him like a brother - he freaks out on her.
DD was really over the edge last night about this - she was trying so hard to keep his confidence while trying to track down a phone number of his cousin. She was snapping at all of her friends who weren't taking it seriously. And sure enough when she reached his cousin, the cousin laughed and said he would talk to him tomorrow. Dd said what if he isn't there tomorrow....I guess that got to him.
After she found out he was okay, anger set it. It's been a rollercoaster with him. He put my niece through this as well and played major mind games with her. Dd and I both told the niece he's a timebomb....her mom put an end to their friendship and I'm wondering do I do the same?
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