How long for earning back privileges?
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| Sun, 11-19-2006 - 10:18pm |
My dd is grounded right now, 13yo. I am sure some of you have kept up with my posts, she is grounded for lying to us and hiding things from us, late night cell phone and texting on school nights, dropping grades and such. Anyway, she has come clean on lots, admitted she is tired of lying and hiding stuff. We took her cell phone, no pc privileges, no regular phone, we are picking her up from school, she cannot be at home alone even. She is not in school this week because the kids get the whole week for Thanksgiving. Anyway, how long do you think I should do this, or how long for each privilege to earn back?
She has done pretty good. She gets a little irritated when she closes her bedroom door and I make her open it..a couple of smart comments and I quickly remind her of why...and she was none too happy the other day when she had to sit at my workplace instead of being home, again, I reminded her of why she had to be there. The last football game, I told her she could sit with her friends, but if she got up to go the the bathroom or anywhere, to come tell me when she went and when she got back. I kept a close eye, and she did just what I asked. It has been one week today. She is even spending more time with her dad when he is not working out of town, supposedly going hunting with him tommorrow morning. I have told her that if and when she gets her cell back, she will only get it when she is gone, when she comes home she will hand it in, then after that, she will have a certain time she hands it in at night. Thanks to some here for that idea! She is going to have to do some housework for me this week too, we will see how that goes, we have company coming.

If it's been a week and she's been doing ok for the most part, I would start giving things back to her.
Since she's had one really good week so far, I think I'd start giving her privileges back. Maybe a little at a time instead of all at once, though.
Since she has a practice of texting and using her phone after hours, that might be one of the last things to earn back. Or maybe, let her have it during the day, but take it when it's time for her to go to bed.
Sounds like things are improving! I hope it continues to go well for you both.
Don't you just hate this! I hated having to play KGB with my own DD.
I usually didn't do much grounding but when I did she was often given the opportunity to work some time off for good behavior. For instance, give her a major chore (window washing, garage cleaning, etc) and if she does it well and w/o complaint, then she may be allowed to go to a movie with a very trusted friend. You will take her and you will pick her up but she's allowed to get out of the house for a few hours w/o your immediate supervision. If that goes well, then try something else a few days later. Make it clear to her that she is slowly earning your trust back.
Good Luck!!