Any single moms?
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| Mon, 11-20-2006 - 10:16am |
I am not sure if this is the right place for this post or not. The single mom board seems to be mostly moms of younger kids...
This just seems so hard lately. My oldest dd 16, is really a "good" kid. But, in the last couple of months has really grown into a full blown teenager! She reallly used to tell me most everything, now I feel she is holding so much more back, all of her friends are drinking, and she is becoming more and more curious about that, and I am not sure she hasn't tried it. Her boyfriend is becoming more serious. She is a dancer, and very involved with that, which I always thought was a good thing, now it seems as if a lot of the friends there are also drinking all the time, etc. I know a lot of this is "normal behavior" for teens.
Most of her friends have 2 parent families. I just feel sooooo overwhelmed lately, and have no one to turn to! At least when there is a dh at home, there is someone else to wait and worry with. Or, to make decisions with. I feel like every move I make is wrong. I guess I just feel like it is ALL on me. AND, it would be so easy for her to go down the wrong path. She is a junior, and this is such an important time in school. She was so ambitious a year ago, now it seems to be slowly slipping away!
Anyone else in the same boat? It just seems like these are hard enough times, but, doing it alone makes it that much harder! I feel like am going to explode!
Thanks! Jennifer

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Hey Jennifer!
Sorry you're having a tough day today. Can't say I'm exactly in the same boat -- been married 17 years now to the same guy, but I FEEL like a single mom more often than not. DH has a demanding career and a hobby is passionate about, so I'm left to shoulder the burden of house, home, kids, car, yards, etc., and all the worry that goes along with it too. It is NO fun!
Sorry to say I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to send you {{{hugs}}} and best wishes for a better day today!
This board is a great support regardless of single or married!
Julie
Oh, Jennifer, I am RIGHT where you are and it's no fun at all.
My 16YO DD is causing me all kinds of trouble and I'm pretty sure she's at least smoking pot. I can't stand her friends, she's lost interest in school, is rude, lies to me, cut school once last month, refuses to do her assignments. I could go on and on.
We're starting with a new counsellor tomorrow. Wish me luck.
I worry all the time about what happens between 3pm and 6pm when I'm still at work. If I could afford it I'd hire her a nanny--a big mean burly nanny.
Her father is more trouble than help. He ridicules her and has cut her totally out of his life. She's not allowed in his house anymore--we used to have 50/50 custody, he did nothing for her recent birthday. But that doesn't stop him from criticising every move I make and every decision I make about her discipline.
You can email me through my profile if you want to talk further. Sounds like we may unfortunately have much in common.
Cupcake
I am not a "legal" single mother so to speak, but I am a military wife. My husband has been gone since January 06 and we literally will be apart for the next 6 years, 1 week and 3 days LMAO...so in sanity terms, I am a single mother. I have a dd14 and ds almost 11 and this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life - especially having to do it alone.
While I have the support of my dh when he's not physically here, I feel I need to keep most things to myself as he has more important things on his plate (his safety) - so any issues that arise, I deal with them on my own. I have tons of his family around me - but they are definitely (why does that look weird to me?) of a different era. My family lives 1000's of miles away and I am an only child - so it's me and my kids. They will be all grown up by the time my dh lives in this house again and that makes me sad :(
Good luck - and this board has been an awesome support system for me as I'm sure you will see for yourself...
While I am not single mom persay, I feel like I am one. My DH is not involved with our kids at all, never has been and does nothing to help out. He works long hours and when he comes home figures he's done for the day. I have pretty much raised our kids alone. Theres nothing I'd love more than for him to say, dont worry about it, I'll handle it or we'll handle it together but nope.
To be honest, I think its worse for my kids to have a dad that lives at and is uninvolved than a dad who lives apart from them. Its incredibly hard trying to explain and make excuses for his lack of interest in them. All I can say to you is hang in there and chin up! This board is a great source of support.
Cupcake,
It does unfortunately sound like we have a lot in common! Good luck with the new counsellor! And, I am going to send you an email also! Maybe we can help each other out, somehow!
Jennifer
kel7col4,
I hope your husband stays safe. I am an ex-military wife, so I too know how hard that can be. Much harder now, with everything that is going on though.
I am glad that you have some of his family nearby for you.
It was actually the military that brought us about 8 years ago, to where we live now, with no family around either. Makes it that much harder now! But, my kids have "settled" here, so there is not leaving for me!
Thank you for your support! I am not quite sure I will make it through these teenage years without having a heart attack! ;-)
Thanks, Jennifer,
At least we can commiserate with somebody else who is going through the same stuff!
I'm pretty sure we'll survive this, but it's getting me down. Not sleeping well.
Hi, Jenn. I too am a single mom, but I have 2 boys, and their dad is *very* involved in their lives. Plus, their dad and I divorced when they were fairly young (older was 4.5 and younger was only 1), so really the boys don't remember much about a 2-parent household. I honestly think that the relationship between moms and daughters are much more trying during the teen years than it is between moms and sons. Not to say my sons and I have not had some ring-dingers over the years, I just think it would be harder with daughters.
I remember when my older son turned 16. Actually, it started about 6 mos before he turned 16. omg, he was impossible to live with. And I quickly became the *stoopidest* person on the face of this earth. The tears I shed and the nights I spent waiting up...yes, it's tough when you feel like you are doing it all alone. Aaahhhhh, but the payoff....when you both come out on the other side and you find out you still like each other, and your willful, stubborn, obnoxious teen turns into this wonderful young adult, and you know that somehow, you helped him/her turn into this person.
It doesn't matter your marital status here, we are all moms and dads just trying to hang on and help our kids as best we can. This is a great board for support and just for listening.
Carol
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