Those gray areas

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Those gray areas
3
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 4:31pm

Some things are pretty easy to decide on--obviously we don't want our kids to be drinking, using drugs, smoking and having sex. But if kids knew how on a lot of things, we really don't have the answer and don't know if we're making the right decision.

Last night my DD (17) asked me if she could go to a concert next March (of course they have to buy the tickets now before they are sold out) an hour away from home. She pointed out that by then she will be 18 and won't have the restriction of having to be home by midnight. First of all, the concert is on a school night and even though she plans to go to school the next day, she might be too tired. I'm not that concerned about that because, unless she has a test, she is maybe absent one or two days the whole school year and she's a good student, so one day off won't kill her grades.

The thing that worried me was her driving so far late at night. She really hasn't had that much experience driving on the highway and she has never been to the city the concert is in. The girl she is going with isn't that much help since she doesn't even have a license. However, I hate to just say no, so I called my ex, figuring that if he didn't think it was a good idea either, she could blame both of us and not just me. lol It turns out he has cousins who live in the city where the concert is. First, he thought they might sleep over the cousin's house, but I don't think she would go for that since she really doesn't know them. Then he said he might drive up there w/ them and go visit his cousin while they go to the concert. Great idea! She wasn't so thrilled, but at least she can go. Then she said, oh well, he can use his car and pay for the gas.

I can't wait til she turns 18 (sarcastic) because she said 'then I can do whatever I want." I said that if she lives at home, I still have some say and that if she really wants to do whatever she wants, that will be when she gets her own apt. and pays for everything herself, which means not til after college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 5:46pm
your last paragraph addressed what I was itching to ask you from that first line where you said "She'll be 18 and there will be no restrictions on being home by midnight". I HATE the phrase "not while you live under my roof!" but I'm afraid it IS a fact. She's still in school? Then she still needs to be home in time to go there. She wants you to feed her, clothe her, and pay the bills? Then she needs to abide by your rules. There is no free ride in life, and being treated like an adult means being as responsible as one. I moved back home for a couple of years after being out on my own for 2 (I was 20). I offered to pay rent (my mom wouldn't take it, but DID take a few hundred to cover food, utilities, etc) and I was still expected to follow basic house rules and be home at night so she wouldn't be worrying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 9:00am

You have something over 3 months until the concert actually happens, so there is some time to prepare for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 9:30pm

You're ex's solution was the one that we suggested in a similar situation only DD wouldn't go for it. She actually choose not to go than have one of us chauffer them around. That was fine with me b/c then I could get to bed at a decent hour and it was ultimately her choice not to go so she couldn't get mad at me (LOL).