DD has rebounded...

Avatar for soccermom03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
DD has rebounded...
6
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 8:50pm

About 6 weeks ago DH and I forbid DD14 from seeing her Weenie Boy boyfriend (the pot-smoking, school-skipping, lying, ne'er do well). She ranted, she cried, she screamed, she snuck around and saw him one night....all things we expected. We allowed her to be reasonably angry and have a good wallow in the "unfairness" of it all and she was pretty tough to live with for a few weeks. There was a sweet kid pining away for her the whole time that DH and I really liked but DD swore up and down she "didn't like in that way and never would". He was too clean cut, not "her type", too athletic, too young (her age!), too _________ (fill in the blank).

To make a long story short, she and this kid are now "in love", lol. They don't "go together"- DD tells me she isn't ready for another relationship after the way WB treated her- but she and this new boy see each other every day at school and most of the time on weekends. He's a great kid with a very nice family and they have lots of mutual friends. Tonight they are at a school basketball game and then a mixer and tomorrow they are going Christmas shopping with his mom (DD is helping pick out things for his 12 year old sister). She still spends lots of her time with her girlfriends (and he with his buddies) so there is a balance there that she didn't have before. In some ways I hate that she feels like she has to be paired off with a boy at all times, but it is good that at least this time the boy is a neat kid and nice to have around. Even DS18, a senior, approves of this boy. They sit around and talk sports, music and cars like old pals, which totally freaks DD out! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:41am
Yay!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 9:45pm

DD was very much like that only she didn't actually break up with WB before deciding to "not" date someone else. Of couse, she spent a whole lot more time with the "non-b/f" than the b/f. She talked with the "non-b/f" every night before bed for at least an hour. She went to watch all the "non-b/f"'s football games, etc. DD and I fought constantly over whether or not she was cheating on her b/f. She said it wasn't cheating since she and the non-b/f weren't "dating". WB finally got fet up and broke up with her. It was still 3 months before she and non-b/f were "going out". This was 3 years ago and they're still together. Despite the current b/f's many major flaws, I still approve of him a whole lot more than WB. DD stills swears to me she didn't cheat on the old b/f although she does now admit (to her friends not to me) that I was right in forcing her to quit talking to or seeing the old b/f. DD also has to have a guy around - I really wish she would just be single a while. She's 18 and hasn't been single since she was 14!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 9:52pm
Wow - have we 'known' each other that long?? I remember when you were posting about WB and the 'non-boyfriend'!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:50pm
I know it's hard to believe that it has been that long. I almost feel too old to be on this board now that she's 18! I look back at that young girl and cringe when I think of how easily things could have gone the other way for her. She could have easily been one of those kids that snuck out, drank alot, etc. She could have been physically hurt by the ex on so many occassions not to mention all the emotional manipulation he pulled. I realize now just how much her dad and I messed up with the girls when they were younger and I thank God all the time that we made it through with two pretty decent young ladies but especially of her. Her older sister seemed to find her own way pretty early on and learned to deal with DH's alcoholism and my blind eye in a more positive way - counseling at church camp as much as possible to get away. Youngest DD wasn't so lucky. She had to take that walk on the wild side. We are very, very fortunate that we all got through it and are so much better off for it!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2000
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 11:41am

This gives me hope! As I've posted before, my daughter is 16 and broke up with her boyfriend of 13 months (he hung out with another girl a couple of times) and my dd got mad, however she hung out with another guy too.(who is a senior and drinks which I don't approve of). I really liked the ex bf, he was very nice and polite and really seemed to care for her. Just last week though he asked dd if she minded if he asked another girl out. She just said "go for it, I can't tell you what to do".

DD failed her first road test and during tryouts for basketball she injured her knee and may need surgery. She was a very good student with 3.5 or higher grades, now she came home with mid-terms of 2.56. I'm so concerned, I know the stress is getting to her, she has even started biting her nails.

At least this past week she hasn't talked to the senior guy. There are other boys that like her so maybe in time she'll go out with someone else.

During the time before your daughter hung out with the new guy, was she close lipped and distant? My daughter won't speak to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 3:06pm

My Dd has only recently begun to tell me about her relationships. She has always kept that part of her life private. The things I knew I usually learned from her friends or their moms or from my own snooping. But yes she was very close lipped about some things that I think she would have normally told me, especially pertaining to her old b/f. His father was a very mean drunk so he lived with his grandmother but it was his father's mother so he was still somewhat subjected to the abuse. The boy would use this as a means to make DD feel sorry for him and manipulate her into not breaking up with him. She wouldn't tell me any of this for a couple of reasons 1) she knew how I would react (she was 14 - 15 at the time) & 2) she thought she could fix the problems by loving him enough.

I still thank God routinely for her best friend b/c she was mature enough to see the problems and would call me and talk to me or talk to her mom and her mom would talk to me.

Now that I've proven to her that I can remain calm and not completely overreact to things, she trusts me and is telling me things. She has talked a little to me about her b/f's drinking and partying. She told me when he wanted her to give him her computer class homework to copy and how he got mad when she said no. So she's finally doing a little better about sharing things with me.