Drinking and lying
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| Tue, 12-05-2006 - 4:14pm |
Following a whole bunch of posts about lying and drinking, and lying about drinking....
I'm pretty sure my DD15 is not telling the whole truth - OK, lying.
Last Friday was the 10th grade dance - I asked her if anyone was drinking and she said "No" at first and then "well, not as much as last year". But then, she quickly changed the subject, and I just got a funny feeling. She's been pretty adamantly anti-drinking in the past, but I know that it's a big temptation, and I'm not totally naive - I guess she'll probably experiment at some point along the way.
I don't want to "confront" her, because there's nothing (yet) to confront over. But I do believe that either she or her close buddies did some drinking before the dance. Her school does dances from 4-6 (right after school) because kids live all over NYC and to have them go home then come back to school wouldn't work, and having them travel home late at night would also be a problem. SO, I did not see her just before the dance, and she had about an hour and a half to 2 hours between the end of the dance and when she got home (got a bite to eat and took the subway)
Guess I'll just have to keep the vigilance that we've always have had - and work to keep the open communicaton. Funny how I heard every word of who hooked up with who, all the drama of K (who she likes, but has a girlfriend) and E (who has liked her since 7th grade, but is 'just a friend) and how I (bff) wants to hook up with W (my DD's ex, two years ago).
And any plans for New Year's Eve will DEFINITELY be at my house and nowhere else!
Sue

Oh wow, Sue, I don't even know what to say! I guess some {{{hugs}}} are in order? Since you and L have a really great relationship, I wonder if guilt will cause her to come clean about this to you eventually! I'd like to think C would, but who knows?
I was just talking about this to C the other day. With that Sweet 16 BDday party coming up, and a bunch of girls unsupervised in a hotel room all night long, I think someone will think it's cute and/or funny to try and sneak some alcohol along with them.
When I talked to C about it, she said "oh mom, these are all really nice girls." Well, that doesn't really mean much when it comes to drinking, does it? I didn't say that, but I thought it.
Then C said "Remember how when we were camping this summer, you let me and W have a sip of your beer and neither one of us could get past the smell to drink it? Do you think I could drink anything?" To which I pointed out to her that beer is really foul smelling and when other types of alcohol are mixed into a coke, the tasted is disguised. After that, I was able to talk to her about the affects alcohol has on a body, particularly one that hasn't drank any before. So in that respect, it went well.
But like you said, it's a big temptation and experimenting seems to be inevitable -- especially since alcohol seems to be so readily available to all these teenagers!
I hope your suspicions remain unfounded, but keep us posted!
Julie
My DD always thought beer and wine were gross. The way my ex figured out she had tried alcohol was to say "well, what would you order if you wanted a drink?" and she said "Raspberry Vodka." Well, it didn't take much to figure out that's not the first thing she would have come up with unless she had tried it.
She asked for a party on her 17th birthday to go to a hotel w/ some friends (and I could stay in another room) and I said no. It would have been awkward since I didn't think she would want her DSD around or the other kids and I didn't think staying in a hotel room by myself would be that fun (although maybe I should have brought a friend and had spa treatments) but I just didn't want to be responsible for whatever they might do. And these are all nice girls, who apparently all drink more than my DD. I told her she could rent a hotel room after she was 18 and then she could be responsible for whatever happened. I used to do things like go to Cape Cod for the weekend w/ my friends after we graduated from high school and 4 of us would share a room. We were mostly going for the beach. Now it's ironic that in those days, the drinking age was 18, so we would go out to a club to dance and have drinks but that wasn't the focus of the evening and we didn't drink in our room. Now it seems that raising the drinking age has only made it go underground where noone is watching. At least if you are in a bar, they can refuse to serve you if you are drunk. I'm not sure it's really an improvement.
I hadn't even thought about New Year's Eve, which I consider the most boring day of the year. I can't wait to see what plan my DD will come up with. If she's going out, I want her to sleep over, esp. because she's under 18 and is not supposed to drive after midnight and who is going to come home from a New Year's Eve party before midnight?
So true! As long as alcohol is legal for adults, the kids will get it. Although I rest easier knowing that the 18yo friends of DS cannot legally buy alcohol,it still bothers me that at 18 our boys are men enough to go fight a war, but not men enough to ingest alcohol. How warped is that thinking?
We drank at age 16 or 17 in HS--usu. a bottle of Boone's Farm, purchased by one of my friend's 18yo sister, shared among 8 girls. We never drank enough to get drunk. Then when we were 18 and legal, we still had the sense to limit how much we drank. (Have to admit, though, we did get drunk at more than a few dorm parties in college.)
DS17 told me how some of kids in the class of 2005 and 2006 at his HS would come to school drunk. I asked how they could drink that early in the AM, and he said they stayed overnight and drank all night, on a SCHOOL night, and were still drunk in the AM. For that, I'd say suspension is an appropriate punishment.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
>>They stayed overnight and drank all night, on a SCHOOL night, and were still drunk in the AM.<<
DD had some friends who did that last year (9th grade). UGH, that's scary! And how could the teachers not know?
Or they'd go out at lunch (open campus) and drink.
One or two either got caught by parents or teachers, or flunked a class or a test, and that brought them to their senses.
Sue
<<>>
That's what my friends and I did.... sigh.
zz
I can't imagine drinking at lunchtime. Gross! My father (who was probably an alcoholic) was one of those guys who went out to a nice lunch at a restaurant every day w/ some friends and had martinis. It was amazing that he could do any work.
Of course we weren't allowed to leave school at lunchtime and at my DD's h.s. they can't either. They are so strict that you can't even eat lunch in the wrong cafeteria (they put an addition on the school so that now there are 2 cafs. and you have to eat in the correct one.) Plus the doors are locked so that to get in you have to go by a table w/ a person sitting there and have to show the school ID to get allowed back in. So that would be a little more difficult.
My son's high school still has open campus at lunch. Just about 8 weeks ago a 16 y.o. girl was killed just as she left for lunch. She pulled out in front of several vehicles.... lifeflight landed where the band practices. Her parents had given her a car even though she had no drivers license.
I don't understand. If it were up to me, none of those kids would leave for lunch.
zz
Now I have heard everything. I thought it was bad that my DD's friend's parents didn't enforce the rules about not driving w/ other kids in the car, like I at least tried to do, but giving a kid w/ no license a car is just unbelievable to me. I hope they are criminally prosecuted.
I do think that allowing student to leave during lunch is just asking for trouble. There is no need for it. If they don't like the cafeteria food, they can bring a lunch. Our school has senior privilege, which means if you have study first or last, and you have good grade and parental permission, you can leave early or come in late. My DD loves this since every 3 days or so, she can go to school an hour later. She spends the time sleeping.
i am so worried about when my dd is allowed to drive. so far our rule is that she cannot ride in a car with another teen driver. she is only 14 now, so its not an issue. i can only imagine when this comes up. i am sure that there will be issues. *sigh* i suppose at that point i will put up a post asking for advice from those of you who have btdt!
as far as the teens drinking is concerned....it is just unacceptable to me. we have already had discussions with dd, and the pediatrician has lectured her a little about it, too. there is soooo much desensitizing going on about this. sure, most of us parents did it, and most teens experiment, but it is sooo wrong!! yes, its fun. yes, mixed drinks taste good. but teens are not mature enough to drink responsibly. it is just so scary all the things that can go wrong. they just dont get it. my dd drank recently with a friend when she spent the night (at her house). somehow, whenever my dd misbehaves she ALWAYS gets caught. hopefully that will be a lesson to her and she wont try to get more sneaky. she did not lie about it though, she came clean right away and tried to tell me why it should be ok. as if! even beyond the risks of getting in a car drunk, its just plain bad behavior.