Quitting

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Quitting
18
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 11:49pm

DD has been a cheerleader for forever and she loves doing it - well until now. She has always been the "star" of the squad. Front and center and flyer. She hates it now and I'm not sure the best way to support her now...she's absolutely miserable! I've always believed a sport should be for fun - she's not having fun... here are the issues:

1. The beginning of October dd sprained her ankle in 3 places. She rested it as much as possible to be able to perform at homecoming. At homecoming, she was dropped in front of 5000 people. Not only did she mess up her ankle and her knee, she was humiliated and lost all confidence. When tryouts came up for winter cheering - she did not try out for flyer. Coach made her a flyer anyway and it has just been awful everyday. Either she is dropped or her bases are kicked in the face. They are supposed to be performing in front of the whole school in 2 weeks - dd has no faith in hitting her stunts by then.

2. Dd has always been front and center for the formations and dances - she has now been stuck in the very back. I am completely unbiased and her jumps and dance ability is much more superior than atleast 2 girls that are on the front row now. Supposedly those 2 are on the front row because their parents pitched a fit. I have no intention of pitching a fit. And 2 other girls in the front row have never cheered before...

3. A new addition to the squad has taken the place of dd as the princess of the squad. She's 4'11" and has the natural ability that dd has to work her but off for. I know dd is jealous that its that girl that is getting the ooh's and ahhh's and she had resigned herself to deal with it. This girl has never cheered before and is bossing dd around.

4. Dd works her butt off for cheering. On top of all the practices 6 days a week, she goes to gymnastics 3 days a week, plus after 3 and 4 hour practices she comes home and practices for 1-2 hours more.

5. The squad keeps making mention of her weight and that she's the heaviest flyer. She's 5'2" and 110lbs - she gained 5lbs with the bc pill and her other meds have her retaining some water. So now she is stressing about her weight.

I don't know what to do - I have never advocated quitting - but I can't deal with her misery, her stressing about her weight and the fact that she has lost her confidence she's really going to get hurt. The jealousy is something she needs to learn to deal with. She knows if she quits - her cheering "career" is done. She's a mess... They have late arrival tomorrow, so I may just let her take a "mental" day to figure out what she wants.

WWYD?




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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: kel7col4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 1:20am

I understand your heartache. DS17 has loved soccer all his life, but for his senior year was put in a position (sweeper)he hates for HS soccer this year, and he is/was too introverted to speak up to the coach. (I sometimes wonder if that was the reason he didn't care about his drinking that ended in suspension and his being prohibited from playing in last three games of the season. I worry that this may have been a passive-aggressive expression of his anger over being stuck in that position.) He's a solid soccer player, just not aggressive enough for most coaches who see him as the perfect, last defender. Too bad HS coaches never ask the kids where they want to play. After repeatedly asking him, "Are you sure you want to play club soccer in spring?", he claims he does. I warned him that the club coach may not keep him in his favorite position, and that he should talk to him about it, but he refuses. (He is a young senior and all of his teammates are juniors who hope to be recruited for college soccer. The coach may just cater to them.) DS is almost an adult at 17, and I don't feel I should be doing the communication with the coaches anymore. I just let him know that he'll have to work hard, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he'll get to keep his favorite, center-mid position in spring.

With regard to your daughter: Has she actually told you that she wants to quit, or is it just your feeling? I'd ask her outright if that's what she wants, and if she really does want to quit then let her, as long as she understands the consequences. (Perhaps no more cheerleading in HS if she makes the coach unhappy by quitting.) The emotional pain that comes with injuries and the jealousy when others take her place is all understandable. And it really hurts. If it's too much, let her quit. Remind her that in the long term, looking at one's entire life, cheerleading, or any sport for that matter, is really just a drop in the bucket. There's so much more she'll experience when she's in college and in her adult life. Encourage her to join some other after-school club or activity. (I know that's hard if cheerleading has always been her first love, as soccer has been for DS.)

To many, whose kids are not involved in athletics, this must sound like a trivial matter. But know that there are plenty of us who feel your daughter's anguish. Good luck!

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: kel7col4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 7:19am

Is it at all possible for her to take another position other than flyer?

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 7:54am

Your scenario with you son sounds so similar to that with my dd. She so badly wants to quit, but doesn't want to let the squad down. There are 2 other possibilites for flyer and they both tryed out for flyer - 1 hates it with a passion the other weighs atleast 10lbs more than dd and everyone claims they can't lift her.

I'm letting her stay home today to decide with absolutely no pressure from anyone - no one yelling at her or telling her she's dumb to quit. Everyone keeps telling her not to quit because they need her, not because she's good - and I think that hurts her feelings too. It would leave the squad in a very precarious position only having 2 flyers.

I know I'm torn - on one hand, she is sooooo miserable. I'm so worried about her flying. and personally I'm quite pi$$ed that she's in the back, it is a major slap in the face. On the other hand - she has to keep her grades up to cheer and she loves doing it, well up until this point.

She feels cheering is her life and way to be a part of the school. She used to play soccer until it started conflicting w/ cheering, but it's been so long since she played I don't see her getting a spot on that squad. All the clubs have already had their sign-ups and such, so I don't know what she will do if she quits. It has always been a huge part of her life.

IDK - I'm so torn in 2 for her......




Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 8:06am

According to dd "If I can't fly there is nothing on the squad for me. I'm not strong enough to base, I'm too short to be a back or a front, and being a spotter is just humiliating." There was about a 2 or 3 week break between football cheering and try-outs for the competition squad. And it's a very demanding schedule - 3-4 hours of practice 6 days a week. The coach was new for the football season and all the girls hated her and dd was the only one that stood behind her and I think that is another reason why dd feels so hurt. There was minor drama on the football squad but nothing compared to what's going on now with this squad. Unfortunately, it appears it's mostly around my dd and her hurt feelings.

If she quits all hell will break lose. I guess she and coach went round and round for about 20mins after practice yesterday and that is so not like dd. She is usually the most easy going person in the world, until she is pushed over the edge.




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 8:15am
What would I do?
Stay out of it. This is a minor speedbump on the road of life. Your daughter will either decide to stay on the squad or quit. Her family should be supportive and QUIET no matter which decision she makes. In a few years she will have difficulty remembering the names of her teammates and coaches.
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 8:19am

Trust me, I am completely staying out of it - but for the worry about her weight (health concern) and the fact they are going to break her neck (safety concern) - but even those issues I am saying very little.

I have made this totally her decision.




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 9:27am
You didn't mention how old your daughter was? My daughter cheered for four years on her squad although she wasn't as emotionally involved with the team as your daughter. She received an injury her senior year while as a base for the squad. A flyer landed incorrectly and she reached to help grab her and damaged her tendons in her wrist. Needless to say, she still suffers the consequences. Her physician feels that there's a possibility that she'll develop arthritis in her wrists when she's elderly. Please consider your daughter's health, both mental and physical when considering the possibility of remaining on the squad. I realize the feelings she's going through but if I had to do over again, I would not have allowed my daughter to continue cheering. Just a thought.
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 9:34am

I'm very much considering her health - both physical and mental. Her biggest problem with flying right now is she can't lock her knee - it's the knee on the same leg that she sprained her ankle. She continued flying with her ankle, but it was wrapped and I think that pushed all the pressure up to her knee. That's one of her biggest concerns - not so much her getting hurt, but the pain she is inflicting on her bases.

She's 14 and a freshman.

I think I am going to email the coach and let her know my thoughts and get her feedback.




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: kel7col4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 9:37am

I don't really have any advice.

Pam
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kel7col4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 9:45am
That is exactly my concern!! She has always had the self-confidence and a positive body image and this has really wrecked havoc on her. I will definitely keep you guys updated!



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