Extra curricular activites - important?
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| Mon, 12-11-2006 - 4:28pm |
Does anyone else have bright, seemingly well-adjusted kids who have absolutely no interest in doing anything outside of school? I am not sure if this is really an issue with my kids or if its me making a mountain out of a molehill. Its just that I see other kids doing everything from student council to basketball to ballet lessons and my kids (DS15 and DD13) don't wanna do anything except sit around the house! Both are good students and aren't into drugs or anything (trust me, I would know since they won't leave my side!)and they are good kids at home, but that's about it.
DS has never really been "into" anything and its always been a source of contention. We've tried for years to find something for him to get involved in, and he's "tried" a few sports activities & 4H, but nothing he's stuck with. He does like to ride horses but he won't join an organization or team, so that activity is sporadic even though we have our own horses.
DD was a dancer from ages 3 to 10 (obviously I initiated that). She was great and seemed to love it. She suddenly quit when she started middle school and hasn't picked up another activity since. I've been trying to help her get involved in something else for a couple years now and its like talking to a brick wall. She just wants to sit and draw pictures. According to her everything is weird or boring or she's just not into it. Is this just normal teen angst? It just kills me because I hate to see these kids piddling away they childhood when they could be having so much fun, making new friends, etc.
Thanks for any advice you all might have!

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I can tell you that my ds14 is in the same boat - he's a freshman and many of his friends are doing track, etc. Not him. He has gone on the Monday after-school bowling outing (for fun) a few times, and has attended an after-school clay group a couple of times, but only when he feels like it. He's in scouts, working toward Eagle, but just as soon have most of it go on without him til he just does his project in a year and is out/done. He's vaguely thinking of swim team next year, but I'll bet dollars to donuts he'll balk when the time comes. He's also having a rough time in school this year to date, so I'm just letting him find his groove and not pushing the issue at all. I wasn't that active as a freshman as we went to an off-campus overflow school that year; things picked up more in sophomore year; the next two years took off. He's somewhat of a late bloomer (and shy) like me, so we'll see. I'm really not worried; he has a good friend base and I like that he feels comfortable at home and wants to do better in school (sorting out his issues) for now.
Sue
When it comes to getting admitted to a selective university, YES, extracurricular activities are very important. DS17 received a letter of deferment from U of M, and it's hard for him to watch all his friends get admitted while he waits and hopes. He is shy, and his main activity is soccer, year-round. No matter how much I suggested summer science programs, art institute programs, music lessons, basketball, writing for the school newspaper, the environmental club, volunteering at the library or the local outreach center, he's been a naysayer. He has been involved in a few other things, but not much compared to a lot of kids. At least he's kept his grades up, until this semester, that is.
Social DS23 was different in that he would at least TRY everything, even though he often didn't stick with it long. That was better than just saying no to any suggestion.
It can be very hard to get our kids to try new things, especially if they're shy homebodies. I sometimes feel guilty that, when DS17 was younger, I didn't try hard enough to arrange for him and his friends to get involved in more. Especially with shy kids, it's easier if they have a buddy when they join a new group.
Be glad your daughter draws. Maybe you can encourage her to join a group at school that could use her talent.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
This sounds like my dd. She is also very creative, and used to draw for hours on end. Drawing is not really a team sport, so it can be limiting that way. A couple of years ago, the year she was homeschooling, I signed her up for a sewing class (she was becoming very fashion conscious) which she went to moaning and groaning. She absolutely loved it and took off in those creative endeavors (also not a team sport). She's interested in studying fashion design, and likely will do so at the jr. college level where there is an excellent program locally. As OP said, apparently it makes a huge difference when it comes to university, and I do think it can be frustrating for us parents, but there little you can do other than continue to encourage.
I also hoped that my ds would get involved in something once in high school, but even though he is quite popular and has many friends, the only extra curricular he has, other than his tutoring (he has LD) is the band he and his friends have formed. He's a drummer too, and I had hoped he might join the school band, but alas I was informed that is "not cool". And we all know how vitally important cool is...
My oldest two 14 & 12 have never been ones to be involved in things. They were never interested in sports and I've never really encouraged them either to do those kinds of things. My DD12 began cross-country track this year, 5th grade. Her coach was a jerk and not very well organized. He'd tell us to meet at xx time and then when we'd get there everyone would be half through, or not explain where to meet before heading out to a meet, so you'd have to head there alone. And, frequently cancel practice. I got fed up with that pretty quick, and decided to pull her. DD14, did join the art club and ffa this year as a freshman. The art club had a party that she got to help with and enjoyed going to for Halloween. The FFA, has been a big flop. And, that was the one we encouraged her to pursue. There have been 3 field trips, none of which she got to go on. Last one the teacher just threw her paper away, also threw my fruit order away and with no explanation, even told her he threw it away. She is pretty disgusted with the whole FFA fiasco, and I personally think it's a rip-off. And, I'm pretty fed-up with the whole school district (one reason I'm going to be homeschooling beginning 1/2/07, yippeee).
Sallie
This sounds so familiar! DS, just turned 16, is bright, a very good student - nearly 4.0 - but outside of running, is perfectly content spending time with his parents!
I think he spends way too much time on the computer and with video games, but then he takes very good care of himself (healthy eating, exercises every day, etc.), reads challenging books on his own, is generally helpful and seldom surly, and is a funny, loveable kid.
I've pretty much given up encouraging other activities. He says things will change when he gets his drivers license and can be more social. Right now he initiates nothing and last month had a total of 11 minutes on his cell phone and most of those minutes were talking with me! Other kids seem to like him and he was voted team captain of cross country as a junior. Just a homebody, I guess.
I'm a little worried about the college apps and big blanks but then you can't force the activities.
Oh well . . .
My DD15 didn't really get involved in too much until last year - nothing we suggested sounded interesting to her, and the more I suggested (pushed?) the more she said "no". I think partly it was adjustment to HS, she really wants to do well in school, and just finding the routine for that took alot of energy. Last year it got out that she plays bass guitar, and the jazz band teacher asked her to play. She started with that, and now is in love with it. This year she got involved in a volunteering organization that one of her friends (key concept, A said it would be fun) is involved with; and to my shock joined the Youth Group at our Temple. None of these were what I thought she'd pick LOL.
So, maybe for your kiddos it will come when something catches their interest, or when a friend suggests it. Heck my DD even attended a few meeting of the Chinese Students Association because her friends belong! The friends have more influence than I do! LOL
Sue
As the parent of a senior who is applying to college, I can tell you that extra-curricular activities do matter. First of all, the seniors were told to make a "brag sheet" to give to whatever teachers were writing recommendations for them. There are over 400 seniors in the class, so even if the teacher knows the student, it might be hard to remember everything they did. I was really impressed by the letters my DD's teachers wrote for her. Of course, one teacher she knows really well because besides having him for history 2 years in a row, he was also the girls' track coach and he is an adviser to the church youth group. I think he's about 25, so he's kind of a pal to the kids.
The other day I was looking over her app. to the state college, which is not as easy to get into as one might think. Plus she wants to go into nursing, which is very competitive. One of the requirements to include w/ the basic app. was a "resume" (their word) of extra curricular activites, employment, etc. Now my DD (not to brag--ha!) besides having a part time job was on track, junior & senior committee, Best Buddies (partners w/ special ed kids), youth group, National Honor Society and some other things. My DSD, who is 16, has done no activites. Every year, her dad has said she should do something, then he doesn't follow through. When they moved in w/ us, I suggested she join a basketball league cause she liked to play. She didn't want to because she "didn't know anyone" Well, that's how you meet people! Now she regrets that he didn't make her join. So I guess parents are actually right sometimes. This year he told her she had to join something and she joined Rotary Interact, which I think is working w/ the Rotary Club to do some kind of charitable activities, however, I think she said she joined to placate him cause it doesn't seem that she has done anything. Now this girl is not doing well in school either, so I really can't imagine that she is going to get into anything except a community college.
I think the idea is to get them exposed to things when they are younger. My DS is 11 now. We had him try soccer when he was in kindergarten. He isn't that great at sports and is kind of shy. He did complete the season, but didn't like it that much. He agreed to try karate and we actually made him go for about 3 yrs, even when he said he wanted to quit. The thing is that he was doing very well in karate because it wasn't a team sport and he got up to a blue belt. He also had fun w/ the kids in the class and really liked the teacher, who would do things like have the kids sleep overnight in the dojo, Unfortunately, that teacher closed the school and my DS didn't want to start in another school. Now that he's in middle school, there are a lot of opportunities for clubs. We really encouraged him to join something. First he decided to try the chess club, then after a few weeks, he said he didn't want to go all the time, cause all they did was play chess. I wonder what else he thought they would do in chess club? I think he meant that he thought the teacher would help them learn to play better. Another thing (that his favorite girl friend got him to join) is the Student Council. Right now it seems like they mostly make posters for things that are going on in school, like a food drive, but I like the fact that he is meeting new kids and just getting involved in things.
I really don't like over-scheduled kids, although there are some kids that manage to do a lot of things well, but I would encourage them to try new things at least for a period of time. Maybe your DD could take some art lessons. If she is really talented at art, that's certainly an activity that she can be proud of. My cousin just graduated from college as an art teacher and I was really impressed seeing her work.
As a parent with a current CS I can attest to fact that extra-curricula activites are important- my DS initally went to a small private college- so it was BIG thing to have good list of activities. He is now transferring and will be attending a local community college before transferring to a State University. For the Community college he applied for thier Honors Program- and even they wanted a list of his activities- so it can be very important no matter what level of college/university your student wants to attend.
I agree that an over-scheduled kid is not the answer- we found that it is not the quanity of activities but the quality- colleges likes it if you were in a club- but were an officer in that club for example- they find that more substantial than if you did say 10 clubs- where you were just a name on the roster.
While I don't recommend pushing your student I would suggest that they seriously check out what ever clubs or activties that interes them - and they don't have to be connected to school- any community activity would be nice.
I wouldn't worry about the 13yo yet, but I think it's important for the 15yo to start finding something to become active in.
My 16yo DS(junior) started out his freshman year performing in a couple of plays, but did nothing else extracurricular except for Scouts. I was concerned about his lack of activities. Sophomore year, he added Theater Tech Society to those activities. This year, as a junior, he is also involved in two "clubs" that meet during lunch time, both of which he helped to get off the ground. One is a programming club (terrific because he wants to major in computer science), the other is a D&D (fantasy role-playing) group. The D&D club doesn't seem like much, but the fact the DS is the founder and runs the group every week (including designing a web site for the group) are things I think will look good for college.
My 14yo DS is in eighth grade. Outside of sports, there's not much opportunity for extracurriculars. However, he loves art and drawing, so he joined the art club, which meets once a week after school. Pretty much, the kids just work on their own projects (great for him--he's not very social), but they also make posters for upcoming school events and also worked on a mural for one of the walls in the school.
I think extracurriculars are important for college, but they don't have to all be big-time activities like student government or sports. Your kids just need time to find their niche and find a group they are comfortable with (or even start their own).
Elizabeth
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