Crazy DD??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Crazy DD??
10
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 11:14am

DD17 has been dealing with anxiety attacks for some time now but after last night's "episode" I can't help but wonder if there is something seriously wrong with DD's emotional health. She has always had health problems and has always taken temper tantrums and she has been in and out of therapy since she was 6 years old. Every time she shows me what a great kid she is and how mature she is getting she always takes a huge step back by having one of her "episodes". Sometimes they consist of crying and having a somewhat normal breakdown that we all have now and again. Other times her breakdowns are accompanied by hyperventilating, shaking and scratching her hands and arms until they are raw. And other times she has a full blown temper tantrum like a 5 year old. This includes crying, screaming, throwing things, punching and kicking things.

Last night she had a full blown temper tantrum. It started when her bf, who is a college freshman, was sitting at the kitchen table with me because he needed help with one of his final projects for class that was due today. This was a huge part of his grade and he was having a breakdown himself because he was having such difficulty with it. DD was aggrivated from the getgo that he had the nerve to come over and not spend his time with her. Now mind you they have been together for over a year and he practically lives at my house so he is no stranger to our family so it's not like they were on a first date! DD was making her objections known by huffing and puffing to later slamming stuff around to finally going off to cry loudly so we would all hear her. I told her if she was going to carry on like an immature 5 year then to please shut the door because we didn't want to listen to it. After more time passed she came out and started screaming at us that she needed to spend time with her bf and I wasn't letting him do that which was just stupid because he is the one who asked for my help. It just esculated from there into this irrational, ridiculous episode of crying and throwing things. She was screaming at me about what she needed - it was all about what she wanted. No matter what I said she refused to see the stress her bf was under trying to get his work done or maybe she really wasn't able to see it. She couldn't get beyond what she wanted to see anything else.

There is just no way to describe how crazy she was acting. Her father had never seen her this irrational before so I think for the first time his concerns matched my own. He always felt I was making too much of her episodes and that she would out grow them but last night he was scared. So was I. It seems that the older she gets the tantrums are less frequent but they are also more explosive and violent. I had always tried to stay away from putting her on medication because she is already on other medications for her health. But I really think that it may be time to go down that avenue.

I know this goes beyond the normal scope of teen issuse so I'm not really sure why I am posting this. Guess I'm just venting and hoping that someone else out there may be going through something like this so I don't feel so alone. I'm just tired of dealing with this and I don't know what to do anymore but thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: chillie2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 12:03pm

I don't have any btdt experience, but wanted to offer my support anyway. You say she's been in therapy on and off since age 6; what was her official "diagnosis", if any? I do agree with you that it may be time for meds. I would take her for a full and complete evaluation and diagnosis with a psychiatric M.D. and go from there. Good luck and ]] to you...

Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: chillie2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:49pm
Ah yes, I deal with this pretty regularly! I think the anxiety disorder can be doing this if it is severe enough, as it is in my son's case. Also - does she have any traumatic events in the past that have triggered her anxiety? If so, she might need to deal specificaly with Post Traumatic Stress - it can really get them operating off a part of their brain that is just not able to be rational...when they are in the midst of it there is nothing you can do except wait it out and try to comfort them (try that - instead of being angry or arguing back or saying "quit being so unreasonable" - all of which I'm sure we would all want to do - try putting your arm around her and just telling her you love her and it is going to be alright. Might work, and probalby nothing to lose. It works with my son, but only once he's over the worst of it). At his worst, I remember my son having a huge and very public blow-up that had him purple faced and screaming at the top of his lungs, and as he was coming down "off" it, he started cutting himself with a pen point - digging a very long, very deep bleeding gouge into his arm. Therapy can certainly help. I don't know if medication will...my son won't take it, and his doctor has decided there is no benefit in pushing him to do so. He's gotten way, way better and hasn't had one of these episodes in a few months now...but they are always lurking just below the surface. So I guess my best advice is to help her figure out what is triggering the episodes and deal with THOSE stressors - these blow ups are never REALLY about what the kid is screaming about! (By the way - can you talk to her about it when she's calm? She might have some insight. I know my son HATES being that out of control and always feels awful afterwards).
Avatar for jobismom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: chillie2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 4:22pm

Hi I lurk here and I too have a teen w/anxiety. My ds 15 has episodes of tantrums also and we've found it hard to know how much of it is normal teen stuff but are to the point where the last time we all talked we explained to him how the normal teen stuff on top of the anxiety is a rough mix. He has had anxiety and symptoms of OCD since around 4th grade when he was struggling with reading. I too have had anxiety issues all my life.

He has always been hesitant to discuss things with the doc and always says he doesnt want to go on meds because "how much of this is who I really am, what if I alter myself". He had a rough spell the other night and has a routine doc appt in January and has agreed to give it some serious thought as to talking to the doctor.

Thats a quick idea about us, as for your dd maybe revisit the doc and discuss meds again those types of tantrums are not gonna fly as she gets older say at work or w/ bf or roommate someday etc. Big HUGS to you for being caring and responsible with her. Its not easy that I know.

jobismom

 Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
In reply to: chillie2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 4:33pm
Sounds similar to something my boss went through with his daughter. After a psychiatric evaluation, she was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I would seriously get her looked at as soon as possible.
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: chillie2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 5:57pm

What you've described is termed 'Rage Attacks' around our house. My 17dd has had rage attacks with irrational behavior, temper tantrums, throwing things, and lashing out at people who do nothing but love and care for her well being. Often, following a rage attack she won't even be able to identify what precipitated it or remember certain events that took place during the meltdown itself.

We sought mental health assistance when she was 10 because it was apparent that she just wasn't able to pick up on 'normal' social cues amongst her peers that the rest of us take for granted...she was almost kind of paranoid about some things. For instance, she seemed to think that if people were whispering nearby, they were whispering about her. If someone spoke in an angry voice, she was sure that it was directed at her. If the teacher yelled at all the students, she believed she/he was really only yelling at her! I mean, I thought I was taking crazy pills sometimes, trying to figure out where she was at, coming from, or getting at.

At 10, her initial diagnosis year, the verdict was tourette syndrome, which is known to have rage attacks (she also had some facial tics and ADHD); this was a true diagnosis at the time. She continues to have a little bit of tics but only when stressed really bad or in uncomfortable situations. Last year her diagnosis was altered to include bipolar disorder, which I hate to admit, fits her perfectly. She has severe mood swings with periods of depression and anxiety and meltdowns/rage attacks.

Anyway, it's odd that you mention the panic attacks. We spent last night in the ER with dd having a panic attack. Her's have the same symptoms that you describe - the headache, stomach pain and eventual hyperventilation and shaking, almost convulsive, it's so scary. She takes ativan to calm her down. Hers started in June/July and at that time, her DR thought it was a side effect from meds, but now we know it is an anxiety attack and she isn't using the coping skills taught to her by her psychologist. Her panic attack the other night led to a small something type of seizure so she's seeing a neurologist on Tuesday. I really feel numb right now because I can't help but believe that her hystrionics and self sabotaging behaviors are what cause her the anxiety and panic attacks. Incidentally, my dd's panic attacks always begin in late afternoon or early evening. How about your dd's?

I'm really sorry that you're dealing with this, but it sure sounds to me like it's worth a visit to at least discuss meds with her DR. Hugs~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
In reply to: chillie2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 6:37pm

<<>>

You're not alone. My DS-17 has horrible temper tantrums. He's been in and out of counseling for years. (currently out and won't go) There was never a diagnosis other than he needed anger management skills. (I could have diagnosed that and saved lots of money!)

His tantrums are not near as often as they were this time last year, or else I would be in the loony bin by now. It's once every few months now whereas it used to be a weekly thing.

<<>>

That's exactly how it is with my son. My older brother was the same way also. I was terrified of him as a kid, but he outgrew it and so will our kids.

That's not to say that your daughter might not need meds, cause I would certainly check that out....

Hopefully she didn't break anything during hers... my DS kicked in the door of my car.

So again, don't feel alone and we're always here for you.

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: chillie2004
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 10:30am

Actually, yes, thinking back dd's anxiety attacks always got worse after a traumatic event. Usually it was after she was diagnosed with another health problem or after having surgery. We always ended up taking her to a therapist to try and talk her through it and it would work temporarily. This past year, my husband's younger brother was killed in a car accident, followed by the death of my best friend's father, followed by a family friend's suicide. It has not been a good year and we all were in counseling over the summer to try and get us through it.

I have tried to be understanding during her tantrums and have tried to calm her done by speaking quietly and telling her that everything will be alright but I find myself unable to do that lately. I get angry instead and I know it is not directed at her but at the situation and just being at my wits end. So thank you for reminding me that these tantrums are not about what she is currenting screaming about but something much deeper than that. And like your son, she also feels awful afterwards.

We have an appt with her therapist early next week. I appreciate your response and sharing your son's experience. It really helped to remind me what is happening I will try to be more understanding with my DD in the future. I'm glad to hear that your son has been improving and hope he continues to do so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: chillie2004
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 11:27am

(((HUGS))) to you too. I'm so sorry you were at the ER the other night. How is your DD doing? It's so hard to watch your child going through something like this. It is such a scarey and helpless feeling.

To answer you question, my DD's panic attacks always seemed to be more frequent in the mornings. She has stomach problems and she is always so scared that she is going to get sick so she puts herself into such a state of terror before leaving the house (whether she was going to school or somewhere else). This is when she would hyperventilate and scratch herself. However, her tantrums or "rage attacks" (great description btw) are always later in the day.

DD has never been officially diagnosed with anything throughout her years at therapy. I think because her therapy was always following a new illness that she was dealing with or a death in the family. It was always called a "situational depression". After a few months DD would seem better and her tantrums would be fewer in between so it was felt that therapy was no longer necessary. However, after dealing with this for so many years and seeing a continued pattern it is clear to me that this goes deeper than a "situational depression". We have an appt with the therapist next week. That's where we'll start.

Thank you for your post. I hope that one day our DDs will be well adjusted happy adults.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: chillie2004
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 11:37am
Thanks....lol. I kinda feel like I'm ready for the loony bin myself. But thanks to this board I feel better today knowing that I'm not alone. There were some great points made and I was reminded to try and be more patient with my DD. So far there hasn't been too much damage done during DD's tantrums but if she can't get these under control I can only image what her future Home Depot bill will be when she gets her own home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: chillie2004
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 1:25pm
wow, your family has been through a lot :-( It's hard to deal calmly with a child's stress and trauma when you have plenty of your own! Make sure you take time to take care of YOURSELF, too. That's one thing I keep forgetting - and then it all builds up until I'M past my breaking point. Actually, pretty much this morning - had a "minor" flare up right before school, that I think is related to the fact that we are leaving for Disney World in the morning. Any change or disruption (even one that SHOULD be good) really throws him off.