Overweight Teen Son
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| Thu, 12-14-2006 - 11:20am |
Hi Everyone!
My DS, now 18, is quite overweight. He's a tall boy, almost 6'2" but still very heavy. He's had weight problems for the past 5 years and even though I've tried talking to him nicely, removed junk food from our home, etc. it still hasnt helped. He doesnt really eat a lot, its just WHAT he eats and of course the soda he drinks. He's never been interested in sports, we've tried 'em all - he's a gamer and when he's not working, spends all his time on his computer playing games or on his Playstation.
Anyway, I booked a family trip to Mexico earlier this week for January. I am really concerned about the stares he might receive while in a bathing suit. My daughter (13) always teases him about his "moobs" (man boobs) which really upsets me but on the outside doesnt seem to bother him although I'm sure it does to some degree. He teases my daughter back because she's on the opposite scale - very thin - calls her Twiggy. I already lectured my daughter about NOT teasing him while we are in Mexico as he is really looking forward to this trip (he was teased about his weight all thru school).
So I'm a little worried about whats going to happen when we hit the beach and pool. Do you think I should mention to him that its "okay" to wear a T-shirt with his bathing suit if he's uncomfortable or just let it all go and see what happens? If it sounds like maybe I'm the one uncomfortable, yes, I guess maybe I am a bit but I've seen the stares and laughs he's received before at Waterparks and it breaks my heart.
Is there more a variety of body types in Mexico that he wouldnt feel out of place? Thanks!

{{{hugs}}} It is so hard to watch our kids being teased. And I feel certain that you are concerned about other things about his weight besides just being teased, but at this point in time, you just want him to enjoy the trip.
I've never been to Mexico, so I have no idea if there is a more varied body-type there than any where else, but I would just let it all go and see what happens. Take some undershirts just in case. Shoot, he may need them to keep from getting sun-burned! In fact, it wouldn't hurt to take some sort of t-shirts for *everyone* to wear over their swimsuits for sunburn prevention.
>>>Do you think I should mention to him that its "okay" to wear a T-shirt with his bathing suit if he's uncomfortable or just let it all go and see what happens?>>>
I think he knows what he looks like and you should not say anything at all to him. He will decide to wear what he's comfortable wearing. Pointing it out and talking to him *unless HE brings it up* will only point out to him how uncomfortable YOU are with it, which to a teen is translation for: "my mom's embarrassed by me". Let him work it out. If he asks, make you comment. Otherwise, clam up.
>>>If it sounds like maybe I'm the one uncomfortable, yes, I guess maybe I am a bit but I've seen the stares and laughs he's received before at Waterparks and it breaks my heart.>>>
Of course you're uncomfortable with it. You love you son with all your heart and want him to be happy and confident. Does he comment on his weight? Does it sound like maybe he'd be interested in joining a gym for weight lifting and machines? That would make a nice holiday gift, if you think he'd appreciate it. I think you have to be really careful with broaching the subject with him. If he is honest about the fact that he's overweight and wants to change it, then you can easily talk about it and help him find a way and support him along the way. However, if he's lazy about it and fine with his physique the way it is, then you should probably leave it alone. He may be dying in shame inside or in a depression and he may need help with this, but you would know best if he's open to discussions. OTOH, he may not really care what people think.
Just like here, Mexico has varied body types. I didn't notice anything different really.
He decided about a year ago to try and lose weight so he started drinking diet soda and water but it only lasted a couple of weeks and he was back to his old habits. Now that he's 18 and working full time, he bought himself a small fridge for his room and buys his own soda (not diet of course) so I have no control over his habits anymore. What he doesnt like to eat in the house, he just buys his own.
I have offered a gym membership for b-day and Christmas presents but he says no, he doesnt want them. I know his weight gain 5 years ago was due to depression but i didnt recognize that until about a year ago and by that time the weight was already there.
I hope in time he will decide to do something and I will be there to help him if he asks. I love him so much and just dont want to see him get hurt is all. Thanks!
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Hippie Hollow in the early 80's.
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It's hard to see your kids suffer, and I feel for you. My DD (now 15) was an overweight pre-teen, and it was such a balancing act between letting her be who she was, and talking with her about how to lose weight if/when she was ready.
I would definitely get your DD to stop teasing your son. Surely she can find other ways to aggravate her brother! lol
I also would continue to offer ideas, healthy foods, opportunities to work out, etc. When he's ready, he'll make the commitment. One suggestion - it can be overwhelming to think about a long term weight loss - it seems like it's un-doable. Maybe you can make a short term agreement with you to try a change in foods for a couple of weeks, and see if it works for him. I'll bet he'll lose a measurable amount of weight in a short time, be encouraged, and want to continue. I did this with my DD when she first started to try to lose weight - don't focus on the whole deal, just do it a week at a time. As she saw success it became easier to stick with it.
But start after vacation - let him just enjoy it!
Sue