Treating kids differently

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Treating kids differently
3
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 3:07pm

I just witnessed an interesting incident with my neice and nephew (my sisters kids). Nephew is 17 and neice is 14. Well my nephew,lets call him B, is a player. He has causual sex and so does his best friends,lets call him M. We've tried to convince him otherwise, and he's lessened a bit, but he's still a player.

Now my BIL tried to talk him out of his friendship with M thinking that if he got new friends he would change. B listened and he lessened it a little bit, but hes still hanging out with him. My BIL talked to him a few times but after while he got less serious and figured that he would learn on his own.

But things really got serious when M decided that the next girl he was going to fool around with was my neice (we'll call her N). Now all of a sudden my BIL, my sister, and hell even B become serious try to convince her to stay away from him. She went out with him a few times, but realized that he just wants to get into her pants and eventually broke up. Needless to say B and M friendship is now over.

What struck me most though was how lenient they were on the son but became so serious and protective with the girl. The son being a playboy was bad, but acceptable, but the idea of the girl dating a playboy was definitely not. Even B, the player, couldn't fathom his baby sister getting into the arms of a player.
I have an daughter, who is an only child, so I guess I don't have to deal with that, but I definitely will be strict about who my daughter dates. No player or bad boy is taking her out!!!

And honestly, I hate to admit it, even I was more concerned about my neice dating the guy, than I was about nephews behavior. My sister is younger than me and I remember giving my BIL a tough time. God I sometimes behave like the big brother now, and they're married!!

On the other hand I warmed up to my brothers wives and girlfriends a lot quicker.

So have any of you seen these kind of double standards? When it comes to things like sex and dating, how differently do you treat your son and daughter?




Edited 12/29/2006 3:29 pm ET by amon12006
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 5:17pm

Yeah, Ive seen it often. Could it be for the simple fact that a girl can get pregnant and everyone can see it? To me, that would be a very life altering scenario and wouldn't wish it on any young girl.

I don't have a son so I can't say how differently I would react to son and daughter on this issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 6:35pm
I think it goes back to the centuries - old double standard that says the guy with multiple partners is a stud and the girl with multiple partners is a slut. That and the fact that girls really tend to take all of this relationship stuff much harder emotionally than boys do. And our society says we are supposed to protect and pamper girls while we want boys to grow up to be "men." In some ways we are more protective of our daughter than we are of our sons, not that she really needs the protection any more than they do - they've taught her all kinds of self-defense stuff that they learned in the service, she's got a mouth on her that would shock most people when she wants to use it, and she's not afraid to stand up for herself when she needs to.
Rose
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 6:51pm

Are you sure thier reaction wasn't more because of her age difference from M? In fact, that would be the main issue for me in this scenario. I think it's kind of creepy that M would be interested in N after knowing her so well as his best friend's sister for all this time, don't you?

However, I do see the double standard and agree with you - it's out of line.