College Students

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2006
College Students
5
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 4:07pm
So my first year college student is home. I am having a hard time dealing with him. he stays out all night and sleeps most of the day and says he's on holiday and its up to him what he does. Anyone else having this experience? how is it going with your college students?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: olga63
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 4:27pm

Hi Olga and welcome to the board!

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
In reply to: olga63
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 5:02pm
I'd have a difficult time with that. It's like you are getting the "left-overs". I think the whole transition into them being adults is such a difficult one. No one comes out of the that unscarred. Just have a discussion with him about how much you miss spending time with him. Was your relationship with him a good one before he left for college. He would probably understand where you are coming from if you talked with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
In reply to: olga63
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 3:32am

I know what you mean. My 2nd daughter is a freshman and this winter break with her has not been that fun. She thinks I am trying to control her life while she is trying to be independent and a grown up! Just because I don't like her coming in a 3am in the morning when I cannot sleep until she's home. She doesn't see it as a consideration issue, but a controlling issue and I'm just trying to cramp her style. She also sleeps until 1 in the afternoon and watches constant movies on her laptop and is always plugged in to her ipod around us. I think that's rude and she can do that when she's alone, because she is cutting way down on letting natural conversation take place when she's plugged in and only half listening. She took off for another state to spend New Year's with her college roomate at her parent's home, so I guess she escaped me.

Tonight I was putting away her stuff in her drawer, and I found a prescription bag filled with condoms issued by the college and unused birth control pills! They are all there, according to the amt. that was dispensed, but it's breaking my heart that she is considering this and she doesn't even have a boyfriend. I know she is flirting with a few guys, she's admitted it and is trying to cut back. The sad thing is, she was fairly innocent to the point that kids ribbed her about it, because she didn't know some sexual terms just last year. And now she seems all hard and is getting tougher by the minute, wearing tight, tight jeans, and all her shirts are low. I'm mourning the loss of my caring, kindhearted, innocent little sweetheart of a few years ago. She is being replaced by a girl that doesn't seem to have much respect for me these days, and probably doesn't even like me anymore. I get a lot of irritated voice from her these past few months.

We've had a few major run in's already. Do I just let her go? If I don't, I'm afraid she will hate me and we may end up as mother daughters that don't talk much. So depressing to devote 18 years of your life to a child and have them turn on you with contempt for you like you never did anything for them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
In reply to: olga63
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 4:55pm

I feel your pain!!!!

I'm was in a little different situation with my DD, 19. When she came home for breaks freshman year she was home for such a short time that we really didn't have issues but then summer came and it was very stressful. She has since moved out. I think the transition to independence is really hard on everyone!

If your DS has been studying hard and is not out drinking or getting into trouble, I think you need to consider letting it go. It's his down time to destress and if he wants to do it by sleeping weird hours, then maybe it's OK. I would be firm, though, about family obligations, picking up after himself, etc.

Thinking back, I wish I had been more clear (absolutely clear) about the expectations and consequences with my DD. I also wish I had not become so upset with her and her lack of consideration but when they are adults there are very few consequences available. For us, it got to a very unpleasant state where I would have to take her car keys to get her to pick up after herself. She claimed to be working - yes, but so was I!

I will say that since my DD has moved out, it's been a little easier and she calls me regularly to go out for coffee, etc.

No words of advice other than that others are dealing with this and it's not personal, just they have other agendas. . . hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
In reply to: olga63
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 5:28pm
I too have been there. It does get better. I have a DD20, almost 21. When she would come home freshman year it was exhausting. Out till 3am and sleeping till noon or later. When She was off at school I never gave it a second thought, but when my kids are home, I can't go to sleep till everyone is in for the night! I dreaded the upcoming summer, but she decided to stay and go to summer school where she was. It makes you really sad when you don't want them to come home for extended periods.... But now, she's a junior and since most of her really good friends are where she is at school, when she does come home she really has no interest in going out much here because her friends are there. She actually wants to spend time with family and hangs out at home. she still stays up late but there arent any really late nights anymore.... I unfortunately have 2 more DD's coming up and my 17 yr old is already a nightmare about the curfew so I can only imagine what it will be like when she goes off to school......