Crossdressing teen son

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Crossdressing teen son
15
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 8:10pm

I work a full time job, and my soon to be 18 year old son lives with me. Aside from a pot smoking incident when he was 15, he is a great kid, honor student etc.

In the past months my clothing (stockings, panties etc.) has gone missing, and then reappear in the laundry, or back in the dresser drawer. At first I did not pay attention.....my closet, dressers, and laundry are not exactly organized....I figured things would turn up, and they eventually did. Then some things just were plain missing. I did not even consider he could have anything to do with it.

Yesterday, I came home earlier from work, and walked into his room and started to straighten up the bed. I readjusting the sheets, I noticed something sticking out from under the mattress. What it was was one of my shaper girdles and then underneath the mattess was more, pantyhose, panties...everything that had been missing.
I was just dumbfounded. I just do not know what to say or do. My suspicsion is he has been wearing these, probably to school, who knows! I just left everything under the mattress.....and have said or done nothing......yet. But what do I say, how do I act? What does this mean? Any advice please!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 9:14pm

Ok, here is my flippant response... get him a gift certificate for Victorias Secret, take your stuff back and leave that under his mattress. Honestly, that's what I'd probably do. And rent "Breakfast on Pluto", make some popcorn and watch it with him.

I guess the question I have for you is this. If he's cross dressing, do you have a problem with that? Is it something you're surprised about, but not horrified? Or are you worried that it's deviant behavior and his soul is in jeapardy?

If you realize that he's not doing anything wrong, just different, then you could leave the gift certificate to let him know you know and aren't mad/dissapointed, and wait for an opening to talk to him about it. If he's been doing this for awhile, chances are he's hiding things because he's embarrassed/uncertain/ashamed/scared, and your support could be a huge relief for him.

If you feel his soul is in danger, I'm afraid I can't agree with that and would suggest that you pray for him privately and leave the issue alone. the way you deal with it depends so much on how YOU feel about him wearing lacy panties under his jeans.

Take care!

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 1:07pm

You are probably feeling like I would: what does this mean? is this behaviour indicative of a larger problem; does this mean he is gay? what DOES it mean? I have no answers for you, unfortunately, but if it were me I'd do some research on it, maybe consult a therapist on what this type of behaviour means. Then, after you feel comfortable that you know what you are dealing with, confront your son.

There is another issue here which pp didn't address, and that is taking something that doesn't belong to you. Well, you can obviously see why he wouldn't ask to borrow it. Have you ever asked him about your missing underwear? I doubt you have. That might be a beginning. Good luck. I have no experience with this but seem to recall seeing something about this a long time ago, and it's not considered to be a serious problem, although I'm sure, a confusing one for most parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 9:07pm

Cross dressers are not gay.

It is a very harmless fetish and the mom should not make a big deal about it. The more accepting this mom is, the better it will be for the young man. The more she makes it out as some kind of terrible thing, the more problems there will be.

She should instead of an honest and frank but loving talk with her son. She should also keep an open mind. No matter what, he should be made to feel that his mother loves him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 11:02am

I didn't get the impression mom_d was implying her son was gay. Most parents, upon learning their son was wearing ladies undergarments, WOULD wonder if he indeed was gay and/or what else it could mean.

Yes mom should keep an open mind, but sorry, if I found out my son was wearing my undies, it would be hard to remain calm. It would be an very unsettling thing to discover. I might even freak out a little -- probably not in front of him, but I'd freak out in my mind. It wouldn't be so much the fact that my son was wearing ladies' panties that disturbed me, but that they were MY panties. I'd probably be inclined to throw them out.

I think mom_d was correct in that him taking and using her personal belongs is NOT okay, regardless of the reason.

 

 

 

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 11:15am
Just to add a twist - what if he's not wearing these things (it didn't sound like you have evidence of this) and is just using them for 'private use' vs. a magazine, etc.?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 11:39am

Oh man... I'd almost forgotten about a grandmother of a 12 y.o. who saw him doing what you're saying. She was freaking out when she told me. She said she'd confronted him and was told it was because those things were so soft and/or silky and he didn't own anything like that.

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 3:41pm

Julie is right - if you look at my post carefully you will see that I did not mean to imply her son was gay, only that it might be one of the many questions that might be coming into her mind.

I agree that every child, gay or straight, cross dresser, or not, lip ring or not, tattoos or not, purple or pink or black or white, should know that their mother loves them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 3:55pm

Focus on the first sentence of your post -- he's a great kid, honour student etc. Everything else is his business. He's almost 18 and I would hope that he along with all of us are entitled to some private thoughts and feelings. Why must EVERYTHING be declared and openly discussed? I'm not saying its something to be ashamed of but there are some things ALL of us would prefer remain our own private and personal information.

As for him using your stuff -- well -- would he be absolutely MORTIFIED if you replaced it with some new stuff for him? If so, how about you just buy some stuff, leave it in its packaging and wait for it to "disappear"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 10:00pm
which brings up a really intersting question ....what did she do then? I can't see wanting the items back, but on the other hand it would be probably too weird for both to say "oh, well, in that case you can have it." LOL - I'm honestly curious about this one, since it doesn't sound TOO far off some of the issues I've dealt with, with my own son.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 12:24am

<<>>

It was about 5 years ago, and I had just accidentally caught my son (without the extra items) when he thought I wasn't home... yikes! This subject is hard! Honestly, I saw it all and it's still a snapshot in my brain that hopefully will go away one day!! ... not that I fret over it or anything.. not like I did that day, or that week. He never knew I saw him.

As I recall, the grandmother took the panties away and threw them in the trash. I believe I calmed her fears, but who knows? It was never brought up to me again. She was at least 20 years older than me, and maybe age (or generation) had to do with her almost meltdown.... I don't know. I didn't know his parents.

If I had caught my son in that circumstance, I would have just walked away and never looked back or mentioned it. Does that make me a chicken, lol?

zz

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