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need opinions please
| Mon, 04-16-2007 - 11:26pm |
I need some opinions on the following situation. A really good friend of my DD's is involved with drugs and I am not sure whether I should tell his Mother or hope that he smartens up. A little background, DD and him dated until his family moved away. They remained close though and stayed in contact. They are both freshman in college right now, not at the same school. His Mom is in Hawaii and he is in college in Fl. So it is not as though she can keep an eye on him, which was why I hesitated to tell her, since I felt all she could do from 4,000 miles away was worry. His Mom adores my DD, has even loaned DD her German cell phone to use while DD travels in Europe this summer, because she said she would worry about her. He is going back to Hawaii to spend the summer with his Mom, and I don't know whether I should tell her now, so she can be aware and keep an eye on him this summer and get him help if he needs it. DD and him haven't talked as much lately and I think it has to do with the fact that she was not impressed with his drug use and he knew it, but I know he is still using. Should I mind my own business? I keep trying to think if it were me, would I want someone to tell me or would I resent that they thought I didn't know what was going on with my kid?

As a parent of a two teens, I'd want to be told NOW! What if something terrilbe happens
and you didn't tell her? Wouldn't you rather know your ds or dd had a problem that you could help them with then to not know? I know I'd be very hurt and dissapointed if a parent didn't tell me, my dd needed a pregnancy test and a mom took her to planned parent hood and never said a word to me... I was livid and have no respect for that mom any more at all.
Telling his mom, could very well save his life...
GOOD Luck!
I'm not sure how I'd respond in this situation - it would probably depend on what drugs and how much he's involved. I am SERIOUSLY anti-drug, but I'm not sure what my role would be in informing other parents, especially when the kid is in college. I would not want my daughter or friends to smoke pot, but I wouldn't feel that was a dangerous situation. OTOH, if he's using more serious drugs, or is in physical danger, I might raise it with a parent.
Sorry this is so muddled - it's a tough issue.
Sue
It would have to be quite serious for me to contact the other parent-meth use, for example, and the kid was showing the signs.
I would not tell a parent their child was using pot
Prescription drugs like painkillers, etc? Not sure but probably not
Do you have first hand knowledge, or is it heresay? The reason I ask is because we had something happen last week where ds called a friend all upset about something that happened at home, to where ds's friend's mom was ready to get the school counselor involved (we don't know the family) - which could've gotten DFS involved, and it was all a major misunderstanding blown way out of proportion (ds was mortified when he learned about what could've happened). Just be careful, I guess is what I'm saying.
Sue
How well do you know the mom? Is she the type of mom who would become defensive of her son and think you were butting in? Is she respectful of you out of her love for your dd? I mean, it really comes down to trust. I have told a friend of her dd's underage drinking and sexual promiscuity only to have her tell me I'm wrong when the evidence was plain as day. And this is my best friend. Perhaps I was TOO close to be opening up my mouth. Incidentally, when my friend could no longer deny the abuse, she came around. Unfortunately, she still believes everything that comes out of her dd's mouth and so the dd is still abusing and using and lying to her mom. But I digress...
If it were me, I would try to find a way to tell this mom. If it had to be anonymous, then that's how I would do it. If you're not afraid of alientating this woman from your life and your dd's life, then I say take the chance in telling her anyway. You can write a letter, an email, call her - figure out what your comfort level is and do it. I would hate to think you were so afraid to say something and this young man went on to become a full blown addict.