Having the talk with mom...help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Having the talk with mom...help?
4
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 3:02am

Hi everyone! I've been reading these boards for some time now...I've never posted because I'm a teen and not a parent, but I could really use some advice. Basically, I think I want to have the talk with my mom and tell her that I have been having sex with my boyfriend. Obviously she isn't going to be thrilled, but we're pretty close and while part of me thinks it would be mortifying to have her know, another big part of me feels weird keeping it from her. Yesterday it seemed like she started to approach the topic...she had come home and found my younger brother in his room with his girlfriend with the door closed. First she had a talk with him about the door being closed and having her over with no adults home, etc., but afterwards she talked to me about it and was asking about how it was when I first started dating my current boyfriend and he came over and making sure she had the same rules with us (she did), but then she started to say that now was different and she trusted me, and anyways we had been dating for almost a year and a half now and we were both responsible...and it was like she thought about asking but decided she didn't want to.

I would like to have this talk with her, but how should I go about it? Any suggestions on what to say or how/when to bring it up?

Oh, and just so you know since I'm sure age and things would be a factor on how a parent would react to this talk...I'm 19, we've been dating for almost a year and a half, my parents really like him, and I've been on BC since before we were even dating due to bad periods but we do use a condom every time.

Thanks to everyone who gives advice...I'd like to have this talk with her soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 6:46am

Good for you for wanting to talk to your mom this. I agree with you that she was probably trying to get up the courage to ask you, and then let it pass. I know I would be nervous about talking about this, but I would be appreciative that my DD felt close enough to tell me. Maybe you can start just like you said here - something like "we're so close" "I hate keeping this from you"...

When there's a tough or embarrassing topic, some moms here have suggested having the talk in the car - don't need to look at each other, and it's sort of a neutral space.

I don't know that I'd be thrilled, but I wouldn't be surprised - given your age and the length of your relationship. Of course, it almost goes without saying, that NOBODY wants to hear the details LOL ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 7:30am
Given that you're 19, you've been together for as long as you have, I'll bet that your mom already "knows" or at least strongly suspects. She was probably going to broach the subject but then let it go - this subject is hard for parents too. My kids email me the tough stuff sometimes, is that a possibility? We do have a lot of talks in the car too... tough stuff is so much easier when you don't have to look at each other. If your parents like your b/f, that's going to help. Even with my DD being just 15 1/2, it was a lot easier hearing that she and her b/f are sexually active because we really like him, and see how well he treats her... we'd be MUCH more upset about it if we didn't like him and/or thought he wasn't good to her. Maybe you could start out with talking to your mom about how much you care about your b/f, how good he is to you, and how close you've become?
Rose
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 9:28am
I think Sue had a good opening line 'we are so close and I've hated keeping this from you'.
Pam
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 1:44pm
Seeing as how you are 19 and have been w/bf for a while, I agree, mom probably already "knows", or at least *thinks* she knows. My personal guess would be she would be relieved to know that you are on BC AND you and bf use a condom EVERY time. I would simply say something like "Mom, I'm sure you realize that bf and I have become sexually active. I just wanted you to know that we are protecting ourselves w/BC and condoms. I just didn't want you to worry." Or something like that.