Poor grades! What works?
Find a Conversation
Poor grades! What works?
| Fri, 04-20-2007 - 8:45pm |
I'm new to the board, but not new to dealing with a teenager (now 17) who is capable of much better grades, but happy to just get by. He will be a senior next year and I don't know what to do. It's laziness or lack or motivation as far as I can tell. He makes really bad homework grades, but is somehow able to pull a decent test grade. He's a C student. But it's because his grades are horrible and then at the last possible moment, he brings everything up to C. I'm ready to do ANYTHING! But what works? Any advice? Take away video games, TV, everything?

Pages
I agee with the previous poster that the motivation to achieve has to come from within - especially at this age. I think some honest talk about what will and won't be available to him after HS is the best you can do - at some point our "kids" have to become "adults" who take responsibility for their own decisions and actions.
FWIW, my brother hated HS, could have done great but barely scraped by, worked for a couple of years after HS and then (when it was important to *him*) went to college and did really well. He didn't really find his motivation and success until his mid-20s. My DH also hated HS, took 8 years to get through college, and then hit his stride after 30 - so everyone's timeline is different.
HTH
Sue
Is this something new that he's just getting C's? I have DD 18 (a senior) who is an A student, top 10% of her class, National Honor Society, etc. I have never had to nag her to do homework. She is self-motivated and I can tell that DS (11) is going to be like that--also an A student. I have to say that both of them take after me, cause when I was in school, I would have been very disappointed not to get a good grade. I got my first C in law school and I was very upset!
Now DSD (16) who's a junior, sounds more like your DS. My DH doesn't tell me her grades because I think he is embarrassed, but I know she has failed some courses. She has also gotten some A's if she likes the class. She seems to take the easiest course load possible, which isn't good since in our h.s., the class rank is weighted. (You get more points for taking the same class at an Honors level compared to College Prep, etc). I have gently mentioned that she is not going to be able to go to state univ. since she hasn't taken college prep math. Doesn't register. She was told she could transfer to c.p. math if she did well enough in the first quarter. Apparently that didn't happen. I have reminded her a couple of times that she needs to register for the SATs by next Fri. for the June test, otherwise I don't think it's given til next fall. I'm sure when I go home and ask her tonight, she won't have done it, even though she was on vacation last week and certainly was on the computer. In fact, I know she couldn't have done it cause she would need a credit card number to pay on-line. I will have to make sure she does it tonight. I can't trust DH to follow up on this one because he has short term memory problems and can't even remember what he is supposed to do.
the only thing he has done is that when he noticed she wasn't doing well in one class, he wrote a note to the teacher and told him he would be checking in every week to make sure all assignments were done and gave the teacher his phone and email in case there were any problems. So since your DS' problem seems mainly to be w/ homework, you could make him show you his h.w. assignments every night and check them and tell him he either can't watch TV, use the computer or go out until you see that the h.w. is done to your liking. It depends how much you want to be on him or leave him to suffer the consequences of his own laziness. I can't say what I would do. I know I check more w/ DS, but I hope I'm not still doing that when he's a junior.
but I know w/ DSD, I have told her that DH & I have both graduated from college and have jobs. It's her future that she has to think about. DD was accepted to all 4 of the college she applied to, but she has a good friend who was not accepted to any of the schools she applied to because her grades for 9th and 10th grade weren't good, even though she has improved since then. I just see that for DSD. But maybe after applying herself for a couple of years at community college, it will make a difference. I think some kids just don't see the light until they suffer the consequences, but I know as a parent, we try to prevent that from happening.
I would like to know what works also. My 16 yo daughter is a Sophomore and last year her gpa was 3.61. The first semester of this year was a 2.3. Major disappointment. Her mid terms weren't that bad, but even then we started putting restrictions on cell phone and computer time during the school week.
Now for this second semester we told her that she can't drive unless she gets a 3.0. I think that's reasonable since we know she's capable of that. She goes in twice a week for tutoring in Chemistry which was a bit of a struggle at first because she was embarrased.
I still don't think she has a clue. The other night she said something about doing work like babysitting if she needs National Honor Society hours. I had to bite my lip. She can forget that because her cummulative gpa is now only a 3.11 and who knows what it will be after this semester. All her friends will be in NHS Junior year and not her, maybe then she'll get it. We've talked to her about how important grades are for getting into college and she says she's trying. But she only does about an hour of homework a night. She really thinks she's busting her butt.
I know the motivation has to come from within, I myself am a perfectionist and would get down on myself if I didn't get good grades in high school and college. No one had to push me. I think because things came easy for her in elementary school as well as Freshman yeark, it was a shock to her that she had to put effort in Sophmore year.
What is a parent to do? We don't want to be too punative and drive her away from wanting to study, but we want her to take this seriously. We just got the mid terms last week and grades came to a 2.83 gpa so we haven't let her drive to school or the gym and boy does she get mad. We told her only in the case where my husband is working and can't pick her up from school will she get the car.
I am so glad to know that I am not alone here.. I have a 16 yr old that is the same way.. and short of grounding him 24/7 I don't know what else to do.
"Ginny"
Loving wife
I too have been down this road and I know it's rough. DS1 slipped a little junior and senior year and we tried the stick and the carrot approach(as my Dad used to call it)Things never got better and we fell into the trap of upping and upping the punishment to where he was grounded from games and the computer for entire semesters. It didnt change a thing(although he did explore some new hobbies ;))
DS2s grades slipped also which surprised me. He was my perfectionist-virtually a straight A student through 9th grade. DS1 was not a perfectionist so we had not been shocked ...but this one??? We didn't reward and punish as much-it obviously didnt work with the first one-and the laid back approach didnt change anything either
I cant tell you how many Ds and Fs he brought home at midterm that were Bs and Cs at the end because he does well on tests(and sucks at homework)He had much the same approach as yours, I suspect
None of mine have career goals in mind. I do wonder if there is a connection. If you know you want to be a veterinarian, you know you have to go to college and get good enough grades to get into vet school-the path is clearer. When there is no long term goal(the ultimate 'carrot') I think it's far easier to take the easiest path.
DS2 is not in his first choice college but it was a good choice in that the format is very test oriented and demands very little in the way of assignments. He enjoyed it and spoke of how much better it was than high school
Yet, he still wants to attend his first choice college and is coming home for next year to attend the community college with the idea of transferring junior year. As admirable as that sounds, I worry for the above reasons. Both the CC and the university in question are very assignment driven. The good thing is he will be past the first two years with all the stuff of non-interest behind him but still......first choice may not be best match
Something to keep in mind
Try whatever you are comfortable with-if I hadnt tried, I would have lived with 'if only..' But do realize it will be okay whatever the outcome
Is it just me or do you all ever just stop and think of how many people are out there that are successful and happy with what they do that probably didn't do well in high school?
"Ginny"
Loving wife
GOOD LUCK
Pages