Bedtime

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
Bedtime
17
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:35pm

My 14 year old son (turns 15 in July) is seeking to extend his bedtime past 11:00 PM (he wakes up at 7:00 AM for high school). He is a wonderful student (3.9 GPA) who is really hitting his stride in school this year. He has requested 20 more minutes at night to watch television. He is basically a couch potato already as he isn't athletic and he watches at least 4 hours of television already. When I denied his request for an "extension", he began to debate the topic ad nauseum until I inevitably lost my patience and began to yell.

Just looking for some thoughts and opinions of others who may have faced a similar situation.

Although many other kids in his grade have begun to experiment with alcohol, he has shown no interest at all and we openly discuss the issue. I know that we need to set limits but my wife has said "we should be happy that this is our problem considering what other parents are dealing with and perhaps we should grant his request".

Thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: knewjerzee
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:43pm

You could always try it and see if he has more trouble getting up in the a.m. I used to actually try to get my DD to go to bed at 10:00 on school nights, considering she had to get the bus at 6:50 and she was always tired in the a.m. by junior year, I just gave up. Everyone in our family is a night owl and can't get up in the a.m. Even my younger son tells me that I can make him go to his bed, but I can't make him go to sleep and no matter what time I tell him to get in bed, it seemed he was always still awake when I was going to sleep at 11:00. My DD is a senior now, and she's usually asleep before midnight. I am amazed when she says she is tired and wants to go to bed at 10:00.

Maybe you could find some things to do w/ your son so he won't just be watching TV all the time, even if he's not really into sports, like taking a walk around the neighborhood.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: knewjerzee
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 6:17pm

My DD is 15, going to be 16 in July... and quite a night owl. For the last year, we've allowed her to set her own bedtimes, providing:

- she gets up with her alarm clock on her own in plenty of time to be ready to leave the house at 7:30
- her grades do not drop (and infact, they have actually gone up .4 since we started this!)
- she doesn't get more grumpy and cross with the family
- her work at her job doesn't suffer
- she continues to do her chores around the house

We've been pretty successful with this, she's generally in bed between 10 and 11 on school nights, and by midnight on weekends (though she has to be at work by 8 a.m. every Saturday and Sunday - she washes dishes at a local diner) There are no more battles about bedtimes, and she doesn't fight sleep if she's unusually tired anymore. Two weeks ago she was up and out late on a school night because she was helping her b/f's mom with a project and it went longer than they expected, she called and asked if she could stay to finish, which we granted. She didn't get home until after 11 and went straight to bed, the next morning she was tired, and that evening she was in bed and asleep by 9. Under the old system she would have done her darnedest to stay up until "bedtime" even though she was exhausted.

I'd say, set up some guidelines for him to maintain, and see how he does. If he handles it ok on his own, good for him. If he doesn't, he goes back to the original bedtime. He'll never know if he can handle it if he doesn't try.
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: knewjerzee
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 9:36pm

Does he watch 4 hrs of tv per night? That's WAY too much idle time for anyone. If he has a 3.9 with that much leisure time, either he's a genius or he's taking some easy classes. And if he's a genius, it should be natural for him to do something more creative than watching TV.

Staying up later might not be so bad, but I'd make him read (or write, or play music, or draw, or do just about anything)instead of watching TV. It's brain-numbing. My guess is that 3.9 won't get him into any college if he's not doing something besides watching TV in his free time.

If it's only 4 hrs per week that he watches TV, then I'd say another 20 minutes per night wouldn't hurt as long as he can stay alert during classes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
In reply to: knewjerzee
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 6:58am

At our highschool the first class starts at 7:20 am so my ds needs to be up by 5:30 am at the latest for school. We do lights out at 9:30 pm each night and 10:30 pm on non-school nights. There is electronics use allowed past 9 pm.

Television viewing is limited to family viewing time on the weekends. Average is 2 1/2 hours per week.
stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: knewjerzee
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 11:59am

I would let him try and see if his grades remain good and he can awaken easily and act reasonably cheery.

Not sure if I would do this now or make it a 15 yr old or sophomore year thing(Im assuming he is currently in 9th)Year is almost over-finals likely coming up, KWIM?

You probably dont care over the summer and I think he would back off on the debate if you said "OK, in September we will give it a try"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
In reply to: knewjerzee
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 7:47am

Decided to put the ball in his court. Effective last night, he's allowed to determine his own bedtime. Along with that responsibility, he is now responsible to get himself up and out of bed WITHOUT Mom reminding him 15x every AM that he has to hurry up.

When my wife opened his door at 6:50 this AM, he was already on his computer reading the news. Obviously too soon to tell, but he is seeming to relish the additional responsibility along with the independence.

He also agreed to workout in our home "gym" (treadmill and elliptical machine) while watching television to make that time more productive.

Time will tell how this goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
In reply to: knewjerzee
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 12:36pm

I wished some more people would respond to this question about bedtime. I'd really like to hear more!

13 DS still goes to bed between 9 and 9.30 on school nights. Maybe 10 on weekends. Sure, he can stay up late for the occasional special event... but I've read so much about how kids his age still require 8-10 hours of sleep to be grow and be healthy I'm not keen on letting him stay up later. Since DS has to be up around 6, that puts bedtime at about 9ish.

I do remember going to bed at 10 when I was in school, which is a little later than DS. But he has no problems falling asleep around 9, and he does have problems getting up when he goes to bed later. He sometimes complains about his early bedtime since most of his buddies seem to have NO bedtime. DS thinks his early bedtime makes him look like a baby, but it seems to work for him so I am loathe to change it simply because it "looks" bad to his friends. Besides, I look at the grades he gets vs. his friends and think it makes him look smart.

Anyway... I'm just curious about the bedtime of other 13 year olds (DS's finishing 7th grade.) Any other early-to-bed families here? Or am I really off target?

K

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: knewjerzee
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 1:15pm
I've never been a huge believer in a hard and fast bedtime, simply because my own sleep habits vary so much and have for as long as I can remember. Some days I'm ready for bed at 8 or 9, and other days there is no way I'm going to sleep any time before 1 a.m. - and I still get up at 5 or 6 every morning and always have. From the time the kids were 10 or so, they've had a very flexible "bedtime" - but "quiet time" started at 8:30 or 9 depending on age, and that was hard and fast and consistent. At quiet time, they were in their rooms, no tv, no computer, though they could read or listen to the radio until they fell asleep. If I or DH notice that their light is on when we go to bed, we usually peek our head in and suggest it's time to turn the lights out - or if someone fell asleep with a book on his chest, we'd turn the light out ourselves. It was quite a shocker to the boys when they got to the military and were told that there was a hard and fast "lights out" in basic training!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: knewjerzee
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 1:37pm
My DS is 13 and is finishing 7th grade. He always goes to bed early. He usually goes to bed on his own by 9:00 (school nights and even most weekends). He even goes up at 8:30 some nights. We very rarely have to tell him to go to bed. He might stay up as late as 9:30 on occasional school nights and 10:00 on weekends. He gets up by 6:15 on school days and is usually up fairly early on weekends. He just isn't a night owl!
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: knewjerzee
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 8:01am

DS14(young freshman) still does the same; bed around 9-9:15 weeknights and 10-10:30 weekends, where he's really dragging the next day unless he can sleep til at least 8am. He's up at 6:30 weekdays for school start at 7:40. He does need his sleep - he seems to take after me.

Sue

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