my kid dosent get it

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
my kid dosent get it
9
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 1:03pm
My step son (14)(15 IN jUNE) dosn't get it. My husband and I have talked to him (FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS)ABOUT SAVING MONEY. HE WANTS TO GET A JOB THIS SUMMER AND (OF COURSE HIS DRIVERS PERMIT). WE HAVE ALREADY TOLD HIM THAT WE WILL NOT BUY HIM A CAR WHEN HE TURNS 16 AND THE RESPONSIBILITY IS HIS ALONE. HE (SON ) DOSENT SEEM TO CARE. HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OWN PRE PAID CELL PHONE AND ONLY WORKS (VIA NEGHIBORS) ENOUGH TO MAKE 15-20$ FOR MORE MINUITES.WHEN QUESTIONS ON WHY HE DOSN'T WORK MORE OR LONGER TO MAKE MORE $ TO SAVE, HE SAID "I DON'T NEED MORE MONEY". WHAT?????? ANY SUGESTIONS WOULD HELP, I AM AFRAID THAT HE WILL BE LEARNING THIS (VALUE OF MONEY AND SAVING AND RESPONSIBILITY) THE REALLY HARD WAY. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE VERY HARD WORKERS AND TRY TO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE OF A GOOD WORK ETHIC AND THE VALUE AND RESPONSIBILITY OF THINGS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 1:26pm
I wish I had an answer for you. I'm sure others here will have good suggestions. I have the same difficulty getting through to my kids about saving money. Have you tried sitting down with him and putting it down on paper, so he can see how much money he's going to need? Maybe seeing it in black and white would help him understand how much more money he's going to need. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 1:34pm
I have made him (with my help) figure out what everything will cost. His answer is "woah that's allot of $" (no kidding) But he still dosen't seem to care. Any extra $ he DOES have he spends on ... ready for this?... CANDY! What 15 yr old buys CANDY all the time? THat's why I said he dosen't get it. AGGHHH!!! So frustrated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 1:51pm

I think it's a process and takes time; 14 is still young to be processing the amount needed for a vehicle IMO

What big items has he wanted or purchased up until this time?

Video games or video games systems? A certain brand of clothing?

He really needs to learn to budget those type of amounts first-either saving birthday money or working for neighbors or at home. You might have him buy it all or save half and you pay the other half

My youngest saves just to save(bless him)My oldest will save when he wants something and is incredibly frugal across the board. My middle one struggles with keeping money for more than 2 minutes but, lo and behold, a year at college does seem to be helping it sink in(and its a lot easier to say 'no, sorry' from a couple hundred miles away)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 2:03pm
That's just it. He dosen't save for ANYTHING!!! If he wants something he asks us (dad and I) and when we tell him , no, save your $ and buy that yourself, he says "nevermind" and just does without. He will go to the neghibors and work, but as I said, it's only to make enough to pay for his minuites ($15-$20). Most of our neghibors (whom we are very close with) have started telling him no (when he asks to work for $) b/c he is either not doing a good job (just rushing through to get done to get paid to go 'hang with friends') or he only aknowledges them when he wants $ for his phone. I can't blame them for that. It's not even so much as $ for a car as it is just getting the message through about SAVING and HAVING $)

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 2:05pm

No real advice here, but I know how frustrating it is trying to get kids to look to the future. And that's just it, kids--especially 14yo--tend to live in the here and now. 2, or even 1 year into the future is just "so far away"! (Just ask my 15yo--who has been on a daily count-down to his bd/drivers license since January!!) I'm sure your son cares, it's just that, to him, he's still got all the time in the world.

My older son was like that; child couldn't save a dime. He still struggles with it (I blame his father's genes LOL) while my younger son saves willy-nilly (of course, he does this by talking me out of *my* money!!) Yes, your son may have to learn this lesson the hard way, but sometimes those are the best-learned lessons, ya know? Continue to set a good example for your son, eventually, he'll get it.

Something I just thought of...I've never tried it, so I have no idea if it would work, but you might sit down with him and try to work out a savings plan in order to buy a car. Say, he'll need $5000 for a beater car. He will need to make an average of $420/month for the next 12 months to buy it. Get him a calender and let him mark off the days/weeks and how much money he has saved (or not saved!) and maybe he will realize that time is moving on and he needs to get moving himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 2:08pm
THANKS, I WILL TRY THAT.! ANY OTHER SUGGESTION (FROM ANYONE) WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED! I AM REALLY AT A LOSS FOR THIS ONE.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 2:42pm

I didn't really request that my dds worked until they were 16. When they were 16 the rule was they had to get a job, if for no other reason than to begin exploring things they might be interested in later on down the line. I wanted them to work to gain experience as well as learn the responsibility of having a job, such as showing up when they are supposed to, working with a team of staff, and gaining satisfaction of a job well done.

I really don't think that reminding him of future responsibilities is the way to go. Instead, use natural consequences - they tend to work the best with most kids. IOW, when he needs money for the movies or to buy a new CD, etc., and he asks you for money, ask him how much he has towards the purchase. To be fair, most kids are not working at 14 and I would often split the cost for things like that with my dds as long as their grades were up to par and they were doing their chores around the house.

Expecting him to hold a small part time job this summer is fair and it sounds like he would like to do that. But I guess I don't see the connection with his working at 14/15 and buying his own car when (and if) he gets his license a year from now. Again, natural consequences come into play. Eventually, he will have his license and if he doesn't have the money to buy his own car, he will simply have to work and save until he does, right? And until then, he isn't allowed to use your car, right? Natural consequences.

I think I'd stop trying to hammer your point so much and make it simple. He needs to work this summer and only focus on the here and now - let the car business take care of itself next year. The *HOPE* is that he gets a part time job he enjoys this summer and continues on after summer is over. I think you need to relax a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 4:23pm

I guess your DS doesn't want to work because he really doesn't need money at this age. Except for his cell phone. Well, actually you said he is willing to get a job. I have to tell you, it might be diff. where you live, but it's pretty hard for a 15 yo to find a job, even 16. There was one big grocery store which hired 15 yos. Even a lot of the store wouldn't hire people until 17, and of course a lot of restaurants of big dept. stores like Macy's, it's 18. I supposed it's because the state puts restrictions on the hours younger kids can work.

Before our kids turned 16, we would try to get them to do chores around the house for some money (you notice I said try). Again, they really didn't care that much about money. It's not until they get a little older and want to go out w/ friends a lot, that it's more important to get money. My DD got her first job the summer after she turned 16. Another surprising thing was that it's pretty standard to get hired for only up to 20 hrs. a week, where I used to work full time in the summer. When DSD turned 16 the next year, though, she didn't work. One day I was driving her around to see what local places were hiring and she had some complaint about everything. She got one job app. and never took it in. Her dad would give lip service to the fact that she should get a job and then never followed up.

We wouldn't prevent our kids from using our cars, but we told them they had to pay for insurance, which is pretty expensive. We also said we wouldn't be buying them a car. My mother gave DD her old car, but between ins. & gas, it's a lot of money. I just think a 15 yo can't even get the concept of how much a car will cost and really, is it essential that he have his own car? When he really wants something, he'll start saving the money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:26am

We have always felt that learning to manage money, handle a budget and plan for future events needed to actively taught. Since we didn't want our son to learn it all the "hard way" as a young adult, we chose to create for him the opportunties to sink or swim now.

First off Connor is 13 years old (14 in October) and we have been doing this with him, in some degree or another, for the past 10 years. Adding more and more responsiblity, concepts and obligations for his finances as he's gotten older.

Connor recieves a monthy allowance which is not tied to chores in anyway. It is simple money we have "allowed" him to have to for the purpose of learning to manage money. How much he recieves is based upon what expenses we normally would incure with him, only instead of us handing money over the cash for movies, activies, club dues, guitar lessons etc. as they come up, he is directly responsible for manageing the money himself. By giving him the money once per month, it forces him to look to the future. To think about what expenses he'll have on the first of the month, what weekly expenses he has, what unusual expenses (such as a friends birthday), and so on.

In addition to the allowance we give him, Connor earns extra money doing yard work and odd jobs for people during the summer.

Connor's expenses include: Tithe, Pool table rentals, movie tickets, birthday and Christmas gifts, guitar lessons, guitar strings, sheet music, music downloads, cell phone minutes and club dues, etc.

To teach him to be a smart consumer, we also chose to give him a separate clothing allowance. Now his clothing allowance always comes with a basic list of items he needs and just enough money to purchase those items from the store that I have listed next to the item on the list. I usually give him enough to get the item at a store such as Sears or Kohls. Now he's free to choose how he wishes to do things. He can settle for the items on the list from the stores I've specified or he can shop discount chains like Walmart for some items and put the cash he's saved towards a more expensive item at the mall. Because we have done this, he has learned to shop sales and clearance racks and to really consider what he needs vs what he wants. He's also learned to comparison shop and to look at quality vs quantity. He's also learned that just because something costs more, doesn't mean it's made better.

At 13 he's just now starting to think about how to pay for College.

Also we are going to be introducing him to two new financial concepts this year. The checking account and the Debit card.

Dh and I are going to be his bankers. He will be given a check register to keep track of deposits, withdrawls, purchases etc. We will keep his cash in a lock box and provide him with the amount he requests for certain purchases. If for example, on Sunday he chooses to Tithe $5, then he will write out the name of our church in the check register along witht he date and $ amount. We in turn will give him the $5 cash to put into collection.

When the first of the month rolls around, then he will write out the name of the center where he takes guitar lessons, the dollar amount and date and we will put the cash in an envelope for him to give the the center.

We will do debt cards much the same way, taking a certain dollar amount and putting it on a reloadable visa gift card. This will act as his debit card and allow him to make online purchases (mostly sheet music and music downloads). Because we will be teaching him to use it as a debit card, we will have him take out the dollar amount of each purchase in a separate check register so that he is always aware of how much $ he has left. We may also use this method for his clothing allowance.

I hope this helps.
stacy