update on daughter and boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
update on daughter and boyfriend
3
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:40am
well what an interesting past 2 days. Child Protective Services showed up at my door wed night. After and hour of interview she said I had nothing to worry about. Even though she couldn't tell me who reported me she knew I knew it was the boys mother. The conservation ended up with me telling her about the boy, his issues, his mothers pill use etc. She said I did the right thing by allowing my daughter to go to the friends house. SHe needed some down time. I would just continue to be the enemy. My daughter was so brainwashed by this boy and his mother. The dean from the school called me in and told me that they have been watching her and her friends have been really rallying around her. We think that she is seeing now the toxic and draining influence he has had on her. I was told he called her 7 times. She didn't answer his calls. Finally one of the guy friends who is a senior (really nice kid) answered her phone for her and told him she was unavailable. I asked the mom of her friend if my daughter was ok with ignoring him and she said yes. We went to a softball practice and another mom I met who works in the school told me they all saw a decline in my daughter. depressed. not herself. she is usually a bubbly energetic girl. So all in all this boy really had a hold on her. In the meantime my daughter told me she is really upset about C.P.S. She told me she is not angry with me anymore but she is upset about what has happened. I told her not to worry about it. She is feeling guilty because of how far it went and she is blaming herself. I told her that the only thing she should be sorry for is disobeying me and getting off the bus at his house. Anything that happened after that with the police and all is his mothers fault. My daughter emotions are all over the map. She knows everything that happened was wrong. She will feel bad about the boy and he will try to pull her back in his direction. She probably doesn't want to see him hurt, but yet she is liking her freedom from him. I was told that she told her friends that when he talks to her he tells her bad things. Makes her depressed. and yes before anyone suggests it i have her scheduled for a therapy session this Monday. My problem is when she comes homes this weekend and has to start out her week is when he will get to her. they ride the bus together he lives up the street. i have decided to drive her to school for the first week or so and have her get off the bus at someone else's house and i will pick her up. She doesn't know this yet but I will have to put my foot down right? She may want to get on the bus with him. Meanwhile again, I ended up telling the dean about incidents I know about the boy and his mother. He has tried to kill himself once before, she pops pills and drinks, curses and hits him. and to the poster who said is he making the stories up he is not. believe me. I have seen her abuse him with my own eyes. I though about calling cps but her husband is a retired trooper. It would have gone nowhere. I tried to call the Police dept to get a copy of the D.V.report and miraculously there was none on file. anyway I had heard that the school was on the phone for 4 hours with the authorities and the boy was not in school yesterday. so maybe something is finally going to be done. I have no remorse about telling what I know about that mother. so thats the update. I am hoping my daughter just decides he is too much for her and she can handle his manipulation. I will try to talk with her about it when she comes home. WHEW!!!!!! TEENAGERS!!!!!!! OH P.S She doesn't want me to break up with my boyfriend. She knows I like him very much and she does too so she tells me. I did tell her that she didn't have to worry about me putting him first. My friends say that now that I have a cps case open for 60 days that I should not allow him to stay over when she is sleeping at her friends house. like tonight. what do you all think about that? I mean does that make me look like a bad parent because my boyfriend stays over when my daughter is away? I didn't ship her off there. she had plans for this sleepover for 2 weeks. And he has never slept over while she was home. Please share your thoughts on that with me. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 7:51am
I wouldn't worry too much about having b/f over when DD is gone. CPS has to deal with much, much worse things than that, their caseworkers are way over worked, and they really don't have too many places to go with teenagers if they remove them from the home... if your only "sin" is allowing your b/f to stay over when DD is gone, I doubt that they're going to say much. My guess is that they're going to be way more worried about the boys mother than they are going to be about you.
Glad to hear that things seem to be moving in a positive direction. If DD sees how the boy drags her down, it sure will help her break away from him.
Rose
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:01am
hey thanks i tend to agree with you. just got a call from the school. now the boy and the mother have been calling my daughters cell phone at her friends house and calling their home phone. i have just changed my daughters cell# she doesn't know it yet but she is not coming home until tomorrow and i will tell her then. the school is pulling him out of class today and having a social worker talk with him. i am giving it until the end of the day and if they try to contact my daughter again i will file an o.p against the family. i have not spoken to my daughter yet. i will check in with her when she gets off the bus at her friends house. this us unbelievable. what is wrong with that mother. she is enforcing her son to stalk. my daughter has not answered his calls in 3 days. now he is finding her and calling their houses and the mother is allowing it. have you ever???? thanks for boyfreind advice. i kind of knew that along but i think i was being cautious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 10:58am
I cannot imagine that CPS would care that you have BF over while DD is not there. They aren't there to investigate your private life, they are just there to make sure your DD is not being abused.