DD being verbally and sexually harassed

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2007
DD being verbally and sexually harassed
4
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 1:06am
Help Please!
dd 13 has been put through heck over this. Boy 17 across street has been yelling obscenities at her for over a year now. horrible words that no girl should ever be called. She is afraid to walk home from the bus stop. He knows when she gets off the bus. I am terrified for her. Tonight I called the cops after a carload of his friends and him launched a barrage of sexually explicit taunts at her and 2 of her friends. The boys mother is no help. When my husband confronted her after the C word attack last spring. she never apologized for him or made him apologize to dd she just said "Yeah, he talks like that." WHAT!!!! The cops tonight just talked to him for 2 minutes at the very most and told us that they can do nothing unless he touches her. UGHHHHHHH I am petrified to think of what would happen to her. there has got to be something more than I can do than just wait for this to escalate into something even more terrible.
any and all suggestions are welcome.
Meg
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 8:06am

OMG! I can't believe your DD has to go through this! What a horrible story.

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice.

All I can think of is to totally ignore him - bullies thrive on the negative reaction, the crying, the running away, etc. If she were to pretend he wasn't even there - just a unimportant insect - even laugh at his ludicrousness - eventually he'd get tired of it. Have her listen to music so she can't hear him - or even buy those little ear plugs (my husband wears them on airplanes and even at work). Walking home with a friend every day would help - someone to help her ignore and/or laugh at this loser.

HTH
Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 8:21am

I'm so sorry your DD is having to deal with this, and for so long. That boy's mother is doing him no favors, and he probably isn't going to get better on his own.

I know it'll be hard for a 13 y/o, but I agree with Sue... if she can act like this jerk is a hopeless looser that doesn't bother her in the least, he'll find someone else to taunt. Unfortunately, he probably will find someone else to taunt if his mother doesn't change her attitude, there's nobody out there telling him that his behavior is wrong - really sad commentary on the parenting he's getting.

Bullies thrive on others' weaknesses, being strong and standing up to them tends to scare them off. When my DD was in middle school, she was being taunted by a boy a year older. She and I rehearsed things like saying "for God's sake, grow up already!" with an attitude that said this boy was lower than a snail's belly. Only took a couple of times and he moved on to easier targets - his parents weren't very supportive in dealing with his behavior either which is sad. He's 17 now, and was recently sent somewhere for molesting a 12 y/o. Since I gave my DD "permission" and tools to stand up to these kinds of kids she really hasn't been bothered... her most recent comeback is "I have 3 older brothers, one is a Marine and the other two are soldiers, and I've made them all cry - and I can make you cry too, so get out of my face!" I think helping our daughters grow into strong women is the best tool we can give them to keep the bullies away.
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 11:41am
Meg, don't ever ask a police officer about the law. They will often mislead you because they don't want to do the paperwork. What this boy and his friends are doing is illegal, and the cop was wrong.
Here is what you do. Buy a video camera. Have it ready to roll EVERY time your daughter gets off the bus or leaves the house. Tape each and every incident with this creep. Call the police with each incident also. That way there will be a record of every complaint. Then, when you have the evidence, get an attorney and go after him. Don't let the mother or the police intimidate you.
Good luck and let us know what happens.
Avatar for sharo63
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 5:25pm
Your DD is in crappy situation but I think you have gotten some good advice. Even if you need to go through new legal channels, I would still work with my DD on her "comebacks" so she feels less victimized now and in any future scenarios. Similar to one of the earlier posts my DD has 2 brothers who are a little older and she has developed quite a repetiore of "burns" as they call them to simply survive! She needs to have the body language and facial expressions that convey that this jerk is just repulsive!
Good luck and stay strong...
Sharon