Expensive Prom Dresses

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Expensive Prom Dresses
16
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 10:09am

Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post.DH and I have been married for 33 yrs. We didn't have kids until after 16 yrs of marriage. Now have 2: DD1 who is 17 and drop dead gorgeous and has 1 friend at school and no one likes her; DD2 is 15 and is gorgeous in her own way, and very popular and active on school gov't and sports. DD2 has to deal with schoolmates saying "that's your sister? She's a ..itch"

Background....my DD 1 who's 17, has a horse boarded at the local stable. She's held a part-time job for the last 18 mos. and pays for the board herself. In addition to her part-time job, she works at the barn to help pay off the board fees. She's held her driver's license for almost 20 months now and is a very safe driver. We got her an older compact car last week that is economical on gas. We've paid for car, insurance, and gas. She also has a cell phone that she pays for. We pay for horse's vet, feet, show entry fees, etc. She hasn't asked me for spending money for over a year and normally she's a very savvy clothes shopper. However, her spending money goes the way of the wind. She does not participate in school sports (shows horses year-round), went to 1 dance her freshman year.

Saturday DD1 and a friend went to the city (Bridal shop) to look at prom dresses for the friend. DD1 was "not going to the prom" when she left the house. Later she called and said she was trying on dresses and wanted to know if she could put one on the credit card. I asked her about the dresses and the ones she was looking at were under $100. I asked her to call me when she found "the dress", and to also consider looking at other stores. 5 hrs later she comes home with a dress that cost $180. The prom tickets cost $30. DH and I blew a cork and said no to the dress because of the cost. She says she'll pay us back for the dress and then sell it on ebay. We feel this is too much money for a 1 evening event.

In addition, she's been irresponsible with her pay checks and ended up bouncing a check to her stable owner for this month's board. She's got bank fees for her boss and herself now and NO MONEY.

We made her take the dress back yesterday and told her that when she can pay for the dress she can buy it. Credit cards are there for emergencies, but in order to build a good credit rating, she has to be more responsible with her monies.

I feel bad for her and we haven't said she can't go to the prom, she's just not going in an expensive dress like that.

DH and I are very frugal and comparison shop everything. Am I off base here having a hissy about the cost of the dress?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 11:57am
I don't think $180 is too much for a prom dress. It is once a year, or in her case, maybe once in her high school experience. I would pay for it as her parent, or at the very least split the cost with her. She doesn't seem overly extravagant. It sounds like you've done a very good job raising her, and before long she will be out of the house. She seems to work fairly hard for someone her age for the "extra" things in her life. I would lighten up on the prom dress issue.

Cat 

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 12:10pm

I agree with the point on the prom dresses. $180 isn't too bad (from what I hear). Mine in 1984 cost $99, and I paid for it myself (I desperately wanted a hoop skirt, and my dear dad wouldn't pay for it......he wanted me to find a used dress)

Now, as far as her other irresponsibility w/ money, I'd try to do MY best too to change her ways. I have horrible credit and haven't been the best money manager over time. I desperately don't want MY kids to do like I did......live for today and pay for it tomorrow (and 20 years to come).

So, I see your dilemma---teaching her responsibility, but yet allowing her to attend her prom.....I understand, but as a parent, I'd buy the dress for her (if I could afford it) or allow her to pay me small amounts over a short period of time or something (for half or whatever 'overage' you can't/won't spend). PRom is a big deal to alot of kids, and even if it doesn't seem to be so much to her, it probably will be one day.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 12:25pm

My DD bought a prom dress that cost $240, which is way more than I would have spent, but it's a really nice simple silk dress that is beautiful. I don't know if you have shopped around to see what it out there. I know that I had been looking through Macy's and most of the dresses were just horrible--gaudy colors, big skirts, a lot of sequins. They looked more like Vegas show girl things. But maybe you can look around and see if you can find something similar to what your DD liked that costs less, or maybe you will find that most of the dresses are pretty expensive. DD & I were talking yesterday that at least the gowns & dresses she has bought are very plan & sophisticated, so that if she has dances in college, she will be able to wear them again. The really bad thing is that she had to have it shortened and the straps have to be tightened and it's going to cost another $100 for the alterations, even though the tailor is giving me a discount since I'm a long time customer. I will pay for the alterations and maybe $100 toward the dress.

At least the prom tickets are pretty reasonable. I don't know how much the prom tickets are, but on top of the dress cost, DD bought shoes (silver sandals--probably won't wear them much), a bracelet and she will be sharing the limo w/ friends and then has to buy the date a boutonierre, so prom costs really add up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 12:40pm
Well, since neither she nor I have the money, and we don't put stuff like that on a credit card, it's a moot point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 12:49pm

Well I guess I'm old-fashioned, 'cause I don't think teenagers should use limos. It leaves nothing special for them when they've become adults and are on their own and be able to appreciate those extra special goodies.

I've been in the stores shopping and can find lots of dresses that are more within our budget ($100 or less). She didn't want to look like the rest of the girls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 12:54pm

I'm sorry but if your soliciting honest opinions I'm going to give you mine....

Firstly, $180 is NOT so expensive for a prom dress. Hardly. There are far more expensive evening gowns out there than $180. And if she did say she'd pay you back or sell it off, then why can't you at least give her the chance to honour her commitment to repay?

Secondly "prom night" is not "just one night". It is a major milestone and occasion in a young person's life. It is truly about marking that transition into young adulthood. Can't the girl have one evening to look amazing and socialize with her friends?

That said, she's obviously not handling her money very well or the boarding fees are too much for her because she can't handle everything right now.

I don't know your financial situation but if the $180 truly IS too much for your budget then why not take her shopping to another place for a more reasonable outfit? At least give her the opportunity to do something nice for herself aside from her horse stuff all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 1:46pm

I told her we could do $100 or less and since we're headed out of state on Wed, we'll do some shopping if she's still interested.

For a girl who hates school and can't wait to get out of there; doesn't like 99.9% of the kids there, I guess I'm missing the boat as to what all the hoopla is about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 1:48pm

There's been quite a few posts about prom and the costs of them but tis the season. After going to my own proms in high school I always thought it was an occassion that every student should attend at least once just to have the experience. Now after having a DD that has gone to a couple proms, her junior prom being just last Friday, I am glad she had the opportunity to have the experience herself. It really is a very special, exciting night for them.

However, I do think everyone should decide on a budget and stick to it. If you can only afford $100 on a dress then help DD go shopping until she finds just the right one because it's out there.

After reading through all these prom posts I have to wonder how much the costs vary across the country. I almost fell over with envy at the cost of the $30 prom bids. My DD's junior prom tickets were $140! We live on the east coast and the dresses over here are very expensive too. A lot of girls travel to NY City to find their one and only prom dress and spend a small fortune. I wouldn't allow DD to do that but I still ended up spending $300 on her gown which was a bargain compared to some. The proms tend to be on the extravegant side and I have to admit I did quite a bit of complaining this year! Although when all is said and done, DD looked absolutely gorgeous and she had a wonderful time. And I am VERY glad that it is over...until next year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 2:01pm

I think she is a very responsible young lady who made one mistake in managing her check book.

You have obviously done a very good job of handing down your frugal ways

I think this is a once in a lifetime event and you need to bend. Set up a payment plan for her to pay you back that you are comfortable with

There is a difference between being frugal and not believing in spending 180 dollars for a dress and not being able to afford something. I hope you are making that distinction.

I suspect you are worrying about the 'slippery slope' and I dont know that it's necessary based on what you posted




Edited 4/30/2007 3:34 pm ET by windrush54
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 3:01pm

Prom tickets in my dd's school cost $65. And I think that's a great deal given that is what I paid 20 years ago for my prom!!!

My dd is still too young for prom but they do a semi-formal in 11th grade next year that she will certainly attend and tickets will probably be around the same price and she will require a decent outfit for that one.

We had a black-tie event to attend recently and I bought my dd a lovely dress for $100. It isn't a full length gown ie its a knee-length dress but it is adorable and I was so pleased to find something that pretty for such a low price. Just takes a little digging around I found.

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