Dd's bday....
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| Thu, 05-03-2007 - 10:18am |
As happens every couple of years, dd's bday is falling on Mother's Day this year. Her boyfriend has planned something special for her and the days available for this are: Friday night (he has a baseball game), Saturday afternoon (she has a lax game), or Sunday afternoon(Mother's Day). When he told me his plans, he then asked what day would be the best day to do this. I asked him if he was doing the obvious and spending Mother's Day with his mom, to which he replied yes (understandably), his parents are adamant about his sports, so to make it easier for him, I said she could miss her game on Saturday (which as of now, might be the first game she is eligible to play in - I didn't know this then).
In asking dd what she wanted to do for her bday, I kept getting "nothing because it's Mother's Day" as a response. Now, she knows it won't bother me, she didn't want to keep her friends from their mom's. Even though, bf is planning for Saturday (I don't know if it's set in stone yet or not) I didn't want dd sitting around by herself on her bday. One of her best friends and I planned a day out for the 2 of them on dd's actual bday at the local amusement park. This best friend is dating dd's boyfriend's best friend. So to avoid any hurt feelings, I messaged boyfriend to double check that he wasn't going to see dd on her bday so I could make other plans for her (she knows absolutely nothing about any of the plans thus far). He messages me back - that dd's best friend told him of our plans and "invited" him and her boyfriend to go and their mom's have okay'ed it. (When she and I first discussed this, I told her dd's boyfriend told me he was spending the day with his mom. I did ask her if she wanted her boyfriend to go, but she said he doesn't ride rides so their was no sense.) When I talked to the best friend again - she said she mentioned to the guys what our plans were to which they replied "Thanks for inviting us." She came back with "I thought you guys were spending the day with your mom's" And their response was "you girls are going to get hit on all day. We can go!" In all fairness, I know the girls, while they would have fun w/out the guys, they would probably both be calling them constantly.
Now, I'm annoyed with boyfriend. I gave him "first dibs" so to speak. He flat out told me he was spending Sunday with his mom - which I completely understood. Now all of the sudden when I make plans for her - he's suddenly available? If that's the case why is she missing her game on Saturday? That would have been the only game he could see her play in (his baseball games usually conflict with her lax games) and I know that would have meant a lot to her for him to watch.
Now my options:
1. Leave things as they sit right now and allow the boyfriends to join in Sunday.
2. Check with boyfriend to see if the plans are set in stone for Saturday. If they aren't, point out the fact that he is now available for Sunday afternoon and how much him watching her game would mean to her. That leaves cancelling plans with the best friend though.
3. Leave things as they are and tell boyfriend to stay home as far as Sunday is concerned since he originally had no problem with her spending her birthday alone, but once plans are made that don't include him, he's available!
4. If the plans aren't set in stone, push for him to miss his game Friday night for his plans for dd, let dd play in her game Saturday AND keep the plans on Sunday w/ or w/out boyfriends.....
Arggghhhh!


OK, I'm not really sure I followed the entire senario and got it correct in my head, but here's what I would do.
1) Tell her she WILL go to her lax game on Sat. Especially considering what she has done beforehand and why she did it.
2) Tell bf that your dd WILL be at her lax game on Sat and that you and her gf have plans on Sunday. If he is able to meet you at teh park on Sunday, then that's great. If not, gee, I'm sorry, but these are our plans.
3) When he asks when he can make his plans w/ your dd, well, there is always next weekend.
Hopefully, bf plans are not set in stone, because depending on what it is he has planned, it might cost him $ if he backs out. Oh well. Since you had tentatively given him the ok to make plans for Sat, then you might have to help him cancel plans; of course it all depends on what exactly he made plans for.
Sorry, I'm sure it all is extremely confusing lol....
1. DD knows nothing of what any of us have planned for her that weekend. Her boyfriend and I started discussing out plans about 2 weeks ago (before the revelation of faking the extent of her injury). The more I think about it now, I *think* she may be ticked for missing her game. The team had a game last night and she had to sit-out although she did warm up and dress for the game. The team kept telling the coaches they needed dd. The coaches told her to "show them what she's got" at today's practice. She MAY get to play in tomorrow's game.
2. What boyfriend has planned is something that takes reservations, $$$ and thought. I feel bad saying now "too bad" when I okay'ed it for him two weeks ago.
3. The following weekend they are going up to his family's camp and the following weekend (Memorial weekend) my dh will be home.... So for it to be a celebration of dd's bday that weekend is pretty much it.
ETA: What I am annoyed about, is he originally told me he was spending the day with his mom. I TOTALLY respected that, this is the whole reason he and I dicussed everything awhile ago. He wanted to see her for her bday but the timing wasn't so great. His parents would flip if he missed a game. They can't do anything during the week due to their schedules and the following weekends don't work out either....so I okay'ed it to him for her to miss her game so he could go forward with the plans. Should have been end of story.
DD's best friend and I made plans for them (the best friend and dd) to go to the amusement park on Mother's Day/DD's bday. Bf's jealousy/possessiveness(?) apparently kicked in and all of the sudden he can skip Mother's Day with mom and spend it with dd now. If had told me from the beginning there was an odd chance he would spend dd's bday with her - he could do what he had planned on her bday on her actual bday and no one missed a game....haha I'm getting more confusing I'm sure.... I'll just figure things out lol....
Edited 5/3/2007 2:49 pm ET by kel7col4
I think I'd leave it the way it is. The Mother's Day thing, while it would make me think a little less of him, is sorta between him and *his* mom - he'd rather spend both days on w.e. with his gf than carve out any time for her. Also, this may be one of those times where your DD learns some about possessive boys/men and her responsibility in setting boundaries.
Just thought I would share the latest:
Bf showed me alot - on his own he decided my dd would not miss her game on Saturday. He said there is no way he will let that happen - so either he will miss all or part of his game on Friday night or they will go Sunday afternoon. I was really impressed and proud that he came to this on his own.
Hehehe and I didn't have to open my mouth =D