Is 15 yo DD overly disgusted?
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Is 15 yo DD overly disgusted?
| Wed, 05-09-2007 - 9:30am |
This seems so silly, really, but several months ago DD was withdrawn and morose for an extended period. When I finally got her to open up, she confessed that she didn't like it when her father & I shut our door. Well, we only shut the door for sex and she

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Quite honestly, I think this would bother me as much as the opposite extreme would.....
I don't know, IMO, I would just keep doing what you're doing and not give it so much worry. It IS natural and a part of life. When she's older and her perspective changes she will be glad that her parents were affectionate with one another and it won't freak her out anymore. I just think she will grow out of this.
As she becomes more and more aware of her own sexuality, I think it's natural for her to connect the dots with her parents and pregnant teachers and likewise, it's also normal for her to be a little freaked or grossed out by it.
I think you've done all you can by explaining about sex between you and your H being another way of expressing your love for one another and that's enough. Realistically, your sex life is none of her business. H and & only close our door for the same reasons - whether or not my kids have made the connection, I wouldn't know. I'm sure they have, but we've never discussed it. I personally don't feel it needs to be discussed at length or explained to a 15 year old. My 17dd once told me it bothers her when H and I lay on the couch together to watch tv. My response was, "Why should it bother you? Would rather have parents who never touch or show affection for one another? Would you rather have parents whose only contact is fighting and arguing? You have to get over that because I'm not going to stop hugging my H, sweetie." And that was that. Now she just rolls her eyes at us and we all laugh!
I just think the more attention you give this the worse it will get. Perhaps you could get a book about sexuality that is age appropriate and leave it for her to flip through. And then let it go and carry on as usual. IMO, she's old enough to deal with this without it freaking her out. Or have HER change rooms and close off that vent but I think that's extreme. If it really gets worse, have her DR talk with her about it. If nothing else, it may embarrass her to stop giving it so much thought.
Rose
I've probably heard my parents "doing it", but they don't "do it" anymore. I think the most disturbing part about people around us having sex is not actually the sex, but rather that oftentimes, we are privy to the private things that are expressed during sex - you know what I mean, the moaning, the bed creaking and so forth. It's embarrassing for children to listen to.
It's all well and good that married couples want to have sex, but when it's inconveniencing someone else's sleeping patterns because they can hear you, I think it's time you tried to do it at times when you won't be heard.
It's not polite to listen to people having sex, in my opinion, but if you are aware they can hear and you simply don't care, that's kind of inconsiderate in my book. Sex is a private act, and it's not to be shared with anyone except your partner. Yes, it's how you brought them into this world, but your children have a right to feel uncomfortable if they can clearly hear you having sex.
The fact is, you are MAKING your sex life THEIR business by them being able to hear you (and believe me, we DO NOT TRY to hear you). Trying to listen to our parents having sex - oh God. That is wrong on so many levels. Very, very wrong, as in squicky, as in 'ew, nice for them and all, but too much information!'
Would you want to listen to your children having sex with their significant others? No. If it's not appropriate for you to listen to your children having sex (or masturbating, or any behaviour sexual in nature), why would you think that your children want to hear their parents having sex?
Is it THEIR problem, or are YOU letting passion cloud your consideration for others? I mean, you all seem to go on about hormones and lust ruling teenage minds, for our disregard of others. So practice what you preach. We don't want to know.
End rant.
ADDENDUM: Hypothetically speaking, what would be your reaction if your kids stayed awake while you had sex, and shouted, cheered and pounded on the wall whooping every time someone made those characteristic sounds?
Interesting thought. Embarrassing, too.
Edited 5/10/2007 8:50 am ET by abbag1rl
>>>Hypothetically speaking, what would be your reaction if your kids stayed awake while you had sex, and shouted, cheered and pounded on the wall whooping every time someone made those characteristic sounds?>>>
LOL - that was just too funny!
Incidentally, while my kids may know that when my door is closed we're 'getting busy' (or getting undressed), we are beyond quiet!! Haha - there is no moaning, headboard banging going on when the kiddos are around. How funny.
I do agree w/ you that it would be embarrassing to hear anyone else having sex and maybe the parents didn't think of that. I know my DH & I are conscious of that since we have a small house and try to be quiet, etc. Although since it's maybe once every six months that he & I are actually alone in the house w/ no kids, it would really be unrealistic to say we should wait until noone else is home.
It seemed though that the OP's DD was totally uncomfortable w/ any signs of affection between her parents, even holding hands, which I think is not normal or uncomfortable w/ the thought of anyone having sex, for ex., her teacher. I know it's gross for kids to think about their own parents having sex, but they should be so grossed out by the thought of other people being pregnant who are removed from their personal life. This sounds to me that this girl has an unusual problem, but since I'm not a professional, I don't know if it's something that she will just outgrow or if there's a deeper problem. I know when I explained breastfeeding to my DD when she was young she thought it was disgusting, but since she's going to be a nurse, I hope she doesn't think that way any more.
"This sounds to me that this girl has an unusual problem, ....."
I agree with you on this!
Thanks for the replies. The response is mixed isn't it? Some say it's normal and some say it's extreme and one says we should be more quiet! LOL! In response to that I can honestly
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