Found Pot Today

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
Found Pot Today
3
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 7:37pm

I found pot in 17yo DD's room today. Unfortunately 13yo DD saw it in her purse, reported it to me and I went looking for it. For those who think this is wrong, DD has a couple of drawers (as do I) where we might look for and find each other's borrowed items such as makeup, tweezers, etc. Yes, I did go looking for it, but I can feign that I was looking for my tweezers (which were there too).


DD has made alot of bad choices through the last 3 years of HS. The first year was great= involved in sports and on the honor roll. After that she was cut from the sports teams and never found anything to interest her. Her grades were just good enough to get by and get into a mediocre out of state school (which we actually like alot - her first choice).


I confronted her. I can no longer trust her. I couldn't put much trust in her before because she broke every rule in school (cutting class, dress code violations, cell phone use, misuse of parking priviledge, disrespectful to teachers, etc.) and every rule out of school (drinking, not being where she says she is, etc.) Now THIS.


I told her that she has given us nothing to be proud of. I feel hypocritical to even attend her graduation. I am invited to a close friend's daughter's graduation (a childhood friend of DD) and I can't bring myself to attend. I want to say DD can have a clean slate in college, but hate to lose almost $40,000 to see if she proves me right.


What do I do?

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 8:13pm
First of all I want to commend you for looking for it after you were told about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 12:26am

No judgement from me - once you knew your dd had pot in her room you had the right to search her entire room to find it, not just the drawer where the tweezers are kept.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 7:38am

I generally don't believe in snooping - UNLESS there is good reason to believe our kids are involved in something that warrants snooping. If your younger DD says she saw pot in your older DD's possession, that is plenty reason to snoop IMO.

I agree with the posters that said she should be expected to help pay for her education - it's not a guarentee that she'll take it more seriously, but from what I've seen, it seems that kids who are held financially responsible for at least a portion of their education tend to apply themselves better.

Don't skip out on her graduation though - that is such an important day for her, and I think it would really hurt her if she didn't go. Kids who feel their parents have lost all faith in them often head down the wrong path so much more easily. And it could leave her with resentments for a very long time. My DH's parents skipped his army basic training graduation (but went to his brother's a few years later) and he still harbors some bad feelings about it 25 years later.
Rose