Teens and selflessness

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Teens and selflessness
4
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 9:55pm
My teenage son is incredibly thoughtless and selfish. He isn't spoiled, and he's a good student and responsible (mostly), but he just doesn't care about people. He doesn't see a reason to be good to people for their sake. Both my husband and I do lots of community service so I have no idea why he hasn't adopted this same attitude. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 10:15pm
I think a certain amount of the altruistic attitude comes with age and maturity, if you keep setting a good example, as he matures he may naturally develop the attitude. Or you could take him along on some of your more fun adventures? One of the things that got my DD started volunteering at the nursing home where I work is that she'd help me serve delightfully sinful treats on Friday afternoons after school. She was always "starving" by that time, and was more than happy to help out in return for a treat.
Rose
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:21am

I think teens are self centered in the way 2 yr olds are; it's normal IMO. Keep on plugging the thoughts and ideas in, even if they go into storage until their 20s.

My 22 yr old came over with his live in GF this weekend and told me about all the grapes, cherries, bananas and asparagus they bought at the grocery!

That would be an example of how the life style we taught and they ignored for years really is in there SOMEPLACE

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 11:05am

Its a natural part of growing up I think, for some kids, to question the why's, how's and when's of life. And if you are active in community service maybe this is his form of "rebelling" against his parents...lol...

You can't force him to give back to the community. If he doesn't really want to do it then its pointless. My dd's school system requires the kids to do 40 hrs of community service in order go get a diploma. Some kids are already so active they get this done before the end of their freshman year. My dd is going into 11th grade and still hasn't done a single hour. Now she's a good kid and caring but uncomfortable about doing community service. And yet she is forced to do it, like it or not and she will see it as a task instead of something worthwhile. Don't know if that's any better frankly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 2:37pm

My DD is 18 and it's pretty hit or miss as far as thinking about other people. The general reaction of the family when she told us she wants to be a nurse was amazement that she would want to take care of people. lol Last year, her school started a chapter of Best Buddies, which is a group that pairs kids w/ a buddy who is special needs. I don't know exactly what the needs were of the girl she was paired with, however, this girl called her constantly. They had group activities about once a month. My DD was really kind of put out about the constant phone calls, but she did stick out her commitment the whole year.

She also had to do community service as part of National Honor Society, so she chose tutoring. This didn't bother her as much, so maybe if your DS could find something he was particularly interested in. But I agree, teens are generally pretty self-centered.