don't know what to think

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
don't know what to think
14
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 2:45pm

My DSd just got her driver's license a few weeks ago. My DH usually works on a Sat. so he tells her she can have the car all day if she is willing to take him to work at 6:00 a.m. and pick him up at 5:00 p.m. Once he tried to wake her up at 6:00 and she just couldn't wake up, so he went to work and then I drove her there later since I was going to be in the general area (it's only about 15 mins. away from home).

So Fri. night, she asks if she can have the car to visit a friend. He says ok, then when he gets home, she says she wants to sleep over. He says ok, if you can still be home to pick me up at 6:00. Right away I think this is a bad idea. If it were me, I would have said either come home tonight or I'll drop you off at your friend's house. BTW, she can't drive w/ any friends in the car for 6 mos., so it's not like she could go anywhere w/ the friend either.

So Sat. a.m. I hear him on the phone upset. She says she came out of the house and 2 of the tires were flat. So I have to drive him to work (and I'm not a morning person) then I couldn't get back to sleep. So we call AAA and I have the car taken on a flatbed to a tire store. Not only are the 2 tires flat but the front wheel is broken and then they said the tailpipe is cracked. DH said it was fine before Friday. It was raining pretty heavily, so I'm thinking she could have hit a pothole that she didn't see if there was a big puddle and blown out the tires. On the other hand, since the 2 hubcaps were missing, it is possible someone could have come along and slashed the tires and stolen the hubcaps. She swears she knows nothing about this. I am skeptical since she has a history of lying. DH doesn't want to get into this too much since he's just not up for a big fight right now--he has recently been diagnosed w/ a bunch of health problems and is spending a day every week at dr's appts which is stressing him out. If she did accidentally hit a pothole in the rain, we could see how it could happen. I would just be very upset if she was lying about it.

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Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 3:07pm

I am sorry your dh is having problems right now.

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 3:17pm

I'd say that my dd would lose car privileges for a week (and I'd make sure it was over a weekend).

It's pretty obvious the car was fine before she took it on Friday and that's that. Whether or not you 'get to the bottom' of this doesn't matter and tell her so. I wouldn't browbeat her to confess anything - just base the consequences on the facts as you know them.

Car was fine. She used car. Car is no longer fine. She loses car. Pretty simple IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 3:49pm

Actually I wouldn't really mind taking her later to get the car if I didn't have anything to do and if she checked w/ me first. It's not that far.

It's funny that when my DD (now 18) first started driving, I was almost afraid to let her take MY car to go out cause DH would give me the third degree about where she was going, what time she would be home, etc. She never got the car just open ended all day w/ us not knowing where she was going. Of course, I work Mon-Fri so I wasn't about to give up the car all day on a weekend, plus she always had a job where she got stuck working weekends so she never had a whole day free, while DSD works after school. DSD has put up to 100 miles on the car in one day. Where is she going? Supposedly to visit her friends or go to the mall. We live in a pretty small town, I don't think it's more than 7 miles from one end to the other. I just don't trust her maturity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 3:51pm
If in fact the car was vandalized by someone else, it seems unfair to punish her for something that wasn't under her control. If she was rear-ended by someone else (which she was once w/ her dad in the car), that wasn't her fault and he understood that. I guess if it were up to me, I would not let her have the car overnight and be more cautious to check up to where she was going and maybe limit the times and places she could go.
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 7:30pm

Yeah, that's a tough call. My first thought was the car was vandalized, but there is no way vandals could've broken the wheel or cracked the tailpipe. Now, the tailpipe could've cracked at anytime and you wouldn't have known it (unless it started dragging), so that may or may not figure into the mix. I too would be skeptical.

I know you said she "can't" drive with friends in the car for 6 mos, but that doesn't mean she didn't, ya know?? I'm not saying that she did, but, knowing kids...She and her friend could've gone out in the car, hit a pot-hole, damaged the wheels/tires, and was still able to make it home. Did your tire people say if the tires looked like they had been driven on while flat? I ask because once I hit a curb, it ruined my wheel and my tire went flat within just a minute--long enough for me to get out of the road. So, if she *did* hit a pot-hole, but did it while she wasn't suppose to be out, she may deny knowing what happened. One of my son's friends did something stupid in his truck and bent the drivers door so it won't open properly. He told his parents that a shopping cart must've hit it in the parking lot. Yeah, right. LOL Sadly, I think his parents actually bought that story. I'm just saying kids can come up with the darndest excuses (or non-excuses) when it comes to making a mistake while driving.

*If* the tire people tell you the tires have been driven on while flat for any kind of distance, then you might have a serious discussion with her about driving and responsibilites, blah, blah, blah, and then decide whether or not to have her work off the cost of the tires and/or restrict her driving for a little while. Most kids this age don't have a clue what we can tell by the damage that was done, so they cook up stories that can't possibly be true. (My own ds wrecked my truck when he 1st started driving. "mom, I was only going 30 down this dirt road and had a blow-out." Sure kid. You can actually "jump" a road, leave gouges in the pavement where you hit, and nearly totalling my truck going *only* 30mph. Nope, didn't fall for that one.)

I'm just throwing ideas out there. I know your DH does the most dealing with your dsd, so I'm guessing you are venting more than anything. :) However, I don't know that I would let her keep *my* car anywhere overnight!! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 8:04pm

Well, I'm thinking she's not telling the whole truth especially since you say there is a history there. Even if the car were vandalized how would the tailpipe get cracked? And why wouldn't they just take all 4 hubcaps? So many questions. So, I think she definately hit something and doesn't want to fess up. Since you don't want to get into it with her I would just tell her that she won't be allowed to sleep out while in the posession of your vehicle ever again. This way you can see the car when she gets home.

It stinks having new drivers in the house.

Hope you're dh will be ok {{hug}}

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 7:10am
Call me skeptical, but after having got three DSs through the new teen driver phase, I've heard way too many stories about how damage to a car "isn't my fault" to take any of them at face value. I'm not even sure I'd go for the "mostly innocent" pothole theory - my guess is she was doing something stupid that she shouldn't be doing and is now trying to cover her tracks to stay out of trouble and continue having access to the car. Since the car was damaged while she was responsible for it, I think I'd find some way for her to help pay for the repairs, even if it's by working it off with extra chores around the house. If they know that they will be responsible for repairs needed because of damage that happens while the car is in their possession, they tend to act more responsibly than if they think it's all mom and dad's problem. If she comes back with "but it wasn't my fault" you can always say "maybe not, but it wasn't my fault either, so we're going to split the cost on this." With the privilage of driving comes a lot more responsibility - even if "it isn't my fault." KWIM?
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 9:21am

re: "but it wasn't my fault" you can always say "maybe not, but it wasn't my fault either, so we're going to split the cost on this."

Now why have I not thought of that before?? LOL Thanks Rose. With a new driver in my house, I'm *sure* I will have an opportunity at some point in time to use that.

Great point.

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 9:33am
With a history of lying it is a no brainer.
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 9:44am

Stories like this are exactly why I am considering purchasing one of these once my dd starts driving:

http://www.007radardetectors.com/landairsea_tracking_key.htm

I KNOW how irresponsible I was and my lovely dd has told me how her friends, many that have had their licenses less than 6 months, drive. DD is a good kid, but tends to have a wild side....

So what's everyone's take on this - safety precaution or invasion of privacy?




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