Changing sports as a JUNIOR...
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| Wed, 05-23-2007 - 12:32pm |
Ok, I know this doesn't qualify as an earth-shattering issue, but I wonder how best to handle this situation. My 16 yr old son has always had a PASSION for football. AT the end of last season he was burned out and said he didn't want to play. He does this often, then when season rolls around, he's rearing to go.
He's decided he wants to dump football and play soccer. Soccer is a sport he's never played--even as a child. We enrolled him for a session or 2 of YMCA soccer when he was about 6 or 7, and that is IT. Our community and public high school is a rah rah football deal. You COMMIT 100% to football, yada yada yada. I spoke to the soccer coach who feels like my son should NOT abandon football totally....just join the summer soccer leage to try it out and continue w/ the normal summer football camps. My son feels like I'm FORCING him to do what I want...which isn't true. His passion has ALWAYS been football---he's not a big kid and I think he thinks he can't compete BUT HE CAN. He's fast as lightning, and kicks pretty well----a great combo in my book. I just want his decisions to be made with all the consequences in mind. He may not be able to return to football if soccer isn't what he wants/hopes. The football program is pretty competitive and feisty--if he bails on them now, he may not get a 2nd chance, you know?
What to do, how to be sensitive to his needs/wants yet be PRACTICAL.......

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Sorry, I'd let him do it, and let him suffer the consequences if he regrets it. I know I swam for 2 years (jr and sr year; the first years the team existed) and then burned out (had no interest continuing in college); I never wanted to do laps like that again. And I took up volleyball, which I loved prior, but didn't make the HS team when I'd tried out. I played competitive volleyball for another 10 years or so after giving up swimming, and never regretted my decision.
DS played violin for 4 years and burned out on it; yes, we were a bit sad but he did agree to pick up electric guitar, and I see that old passion flaring with this now.
Even if he doesn't make the soccer team, if it ends up a recreational pasttime/passion now and/or for years to come, so be it. I'd let him choose. JMHO.
Sue
First off- as a former "soccer mom" I don't see a problem with him changing- a good foot and lightening quick is good on the soccer field too-
When my DD and DS were in HS - in our area- Soccer is actually more popular so I guess - I tend to lean towards soccer.
I can understand that since he has always played football you are more comfortable with it- but what do you hope he does? Plays football in college? pro? to me- changing a sport in HS mid-way is not the end all be all. I say let him go for it
I agree with letting him do his own thing - running fast and being a good kicker are essential to soccer. Did you discuss the soccer coach's thoughts with him?
As I'm continuously told on this board - sometimes they need to make their own decisions and learn from any mistake made. FWIW I am going through this with dd - she had cheered and played soccer all through elementary school. Middle school came and she had to choose one - she chose cheering. The beginning of 8th grade she was going to switch back to soccer - I went out and bought her all the stuff, took it up to the school for her tryouts, she comes home that day and says "never mind, I'm sticking with cheering." Now she is back in decision mode again - she's a flyer on her cheering squad and she had a lot of falls last year and injuries and she has completely lost her nerve. She has now fallen in love with lacrosse (her first season). Lacrosse is so similar to both soccer and field hockey (both fall sports) and playing either of those sports would help her with lax. She keeps coming home everyday saying "So and so wants me to play soccer/lacrosse next year." Now I know she loves cheering - she has lived and breathed it since she was 4. I just bite my tongue and ask her why it matters what everyone wants her to do - what does she want to do? Her deposit is due Friday for her cheering camp this summer and at last check she still didn't know what she wanted to do. *sigh*
I know the issue with my dd is she wants so badly to be a "star" - maybe your son feels like he would shine more on the soccer field??
MAYBE college........he's good, but I'm not sure if he's THAT good, ya know? I have no preference personally for either sport........I've watched him play football for years now, but certainly don't love the sport. I'm not a soccer fan, either.
I just know how jerky the football coaches can be. I am so nervous that he'll have regrets (yes, I'm a control freak) and he'll not be able to return,or return in the status he has now....
He's NEVER played soccer--I don't know how he can even profess an interest at this point.....he runs track, plays football, and wants to play basketball, but that isn't his forte....he wanted to wrestle, and I put the brakes on for that (the dropping/gaining weight botheres me BIG TIME), so we've run the gamut of many MANY sports...and soccer has NEVER even been on the radar. He's begun running w/ some of the soccer boys (which is a good thing) and I'm thinking it is just a 'sounds cool' thing, or the soccer boys encouraging my son to switch......I'm not sure it's really because he wants to. He'll TELL you that, but he can't/won't explain why.....just that 'he wants to play soccer'.
Even the soccer coach is encouraging him to NOT give up on football. To join the summer soccer league in conjunction w/ the football camps and let the soccer coach EVALUATE him mid summer........I don't think that is unreasonable...that way he's not burning his bridges on a whim, so to speak. I will support his choice, BUT I think there are ways to maybe see what IS the right choice for him..........and he's sort of being stubborn and not seeing the big picture. It's just very VERY hard to switch mid stream.......
He's pretty surly, and uncommunicative--so there could have been some snafu w/ a football coach or something....he won't talk to me, so I have no clue why and where this change of heart came from
Kel7---YES, YES AND YES.....I think he THINKS he deserves acolates and doting from the public and coaches......and he's not getting it. He thinks he should be a star player and he's good , but not a star. And they WORK THEIR A*&%$ off--I know in soccer too...and although he's fit and athletic and toned, I think sometimes he just wants it all to be easy.
He IS good. He IS athletic. He has tons to work with.....I think he could shine---maybe not top notch star, but a star nonetheless if he worked and kept the passion! I really do. They had him kick in 10th grade jv at the end of the season. He's never kicked and was quite successful. His coach wants him to attend a kicking camp.....and I think he could be their kicker---but he's convinced that he's dumping football.
BECAUSE of the fact my belief is that he wants to do so well, I'm afraid that soccer will be a real disappointment to him..........
yes, I know about letting them figure out life for themselves. How decisions can have a negative effect.....but being the worrywart I am...I'm considering all angles, and he isn't and it makes me crazy.
Luckily (I think) the soccer coach is who broached the subject of maintaining football and joining the soccer league.......best of both worlds in a sense...then he'd evaluate him mid-july after he can see what my son can do........my son is going to see the soccer coach this afternoon to try to have the coach see it HIS WAY (my son's way)....arrgh. He's already been 'evaluated' by his buddies........which is silly, really. The football boys want him to keep w/ them, and the soccer boys want him to move w/ them.......I think it's a popularity contest at this point.
He's a good boy---he has an ego, yes, but he's still not a bad kid. I Don't want my observations of his personality to make it seem like I think he's wrong...who DOESN'T want to be a star? I just think stars in his eyes is getting in the way of making solid long term decisions.
Thanks everyone!!
Control Freak, Worried Mom, Shels.
Ok, shels, without going into detail, I have pretty much BTDT. Here, we too are a football town (Texas and Friday Night Lights and the whole 9 yeards !) Anyway, I know how you are feeling. My saving grace was we don't even offer soccer here, not at the school anyway. So, if the kid doesn't play football there is no other option for a sport during the early fall.
When is the last moment he has to sign up for football next year? Can he mull it over thru the summer and then show up for 2-a-days, or does he have to make a decision right now? I mean, at 16, he may still have some growing to do. Does he work out with weights during the off-season (if he thinks his size is too small for football)? My kids would get burnt out every year but by the time Aug rolled around, they would be excited about it again. I always told my kids if, by the time the season begins, if they are adament about not playing, I would'nt make them. But, I wouldn't let them bail out right after the end of the season.
I'm assuming he can only do one sport or the other, not both. My suggestion would be to get him on a rec team if at all possible before he commits to soccer and let him see if he likes it. He may LOVE it. He may HATE it. It may be very difficult to learn all new rules of a game. If he thinks it will be easy to switch from one sport to another, he's probably mistaken. (I say probably, because I know next to nothing about soccer.)
Talk to him, let him know the chances of getting back on the football team if he decides to drop it and play soccer could be slim to none. After talking and talking and talking, if he is still adament about dropping football, you will probably just have to let him make that decision.
I understand how hard that is (to let him drop football). It's akin to suicide here.
See, that's just it......football camp starts Monday---for 3 days, then 3 days in July then 2 a days in Aug. Skipping football camp is an unwritten NONO for the varsity players and hopefuls.
Soccer Camp is the same time--that's why Soccer coach is suggesting he GO to football camp, and not soccer camp. JOin the summer soccer league and do BOTH.....appease the football powers that be and play a little soccer too....then mid july soccer coach will evaluate son and we'll go from there. Sounds perfectly REASONABLE to me---son says I'm trying to force him to do what I want him to do...which isn't true. Idont' CARE what sport he plays, but he's good at football, and completely INEXPERIENCED in soccer....I'm just wanting him to look at the big picture, NOT what his buddies are egging him on to do......he can't or won't recognize that skipping football camp and then showing up at two a days in Aug is akin to shooting himself in the foot. He thinks he'll excel at soccer and won't even NEED to show up to football..........well, he's thinking w/ his ego and not his brain.
I swear...the only thing I want for him is to be happy in a sport AND to keep his options open............I dont' care if he switches, I dont' care if he makes a MISTAKE in switching, as long as is it thought through and not RUSHED into.........
It's a HUGE school. Football is #1---they won't even consider building a 2nd high school here because it would jeapordize the football program.....making 2 schools compete, yada yada yada....these kids are CRAMMED into an old school, and graduating with 700+ per class--but we CAN'T consider a 2nd high school because of the football program. UGH.
They have 2 middle schools!! Then all kids meet at the high school level and all play for ONE team....no matter what sport it is........it's sort of sad in a way.....we were state champs back in the day---that has since changed, and it's like the stereotypical old football player re-living the glory days or something....the school is hell bent on getting 'IT' back....Now in support of my old alma mater, to a point the sentimentalism is nice, but it's tough on these kids who may want to explore options. ThereARE no options if you expect to play football. I just want him to see that he COULD be (not will be , but could be) hurting his chances if he chooses to go ahead w/ football if soccer isn't feasable.......that's all.
Thanks everyone....it's a frustration, but ultimately, I guess we'll see if soccer coach can talk to him today and maybe he'll understand not giving up on a passion because of a tough end of year....or WHATEVER it is that is making him waiver..........it's his choice to make......hope he's capable of making an educated one.
Ha yup that's my dd to a "T". Same deal with being evaluated by the "teams" - everyone on (girls) Lacrosse hates cheerleaders lol so that's all she's been hearing for the last 2 months plus how good she is in lax. And of course all of the cheerleaders (and football and soccer players) want her to stay with cheering. I know her deal is she is worried about not making varsity as a sophomore. And with the issues she had with her injuries last year - she's worried about that hurting her chances of making varsity and then if she even made varsity that she would let the team down if she got hurt again. And boy has she lost her nerve for flying - and if she can't fly there's not a spot on varsity (she can't base). She could do soccer or field hockey in the fall and then do competition cheering in the winter but I don't think she's thinking like that. Personally as much as I love her cheering (it is so her personality) the varsity girls have a terrible reputation. They are ALL trashy, major partiers and ________'s. Their myspace's advertise the fact LOL...
She too wants everything given too her, she and I had a huge talk about that the other day. Her ankle has been bothering her again. She's done with physical therapy but I keep telling her she could still be doing the exercises to get that ankle stronger (she has stretched every ligament). Before lacrosse started, she had basically been totally out of commission for 4 months because of all her cheering injuries. She had 3 weeks to get ready for the practices - she could have been running and practicing and slowly starting to get back in shape. Well she didn't. Waited until practice started. It was hard work. She almost quit. Decided she didn't want to quit. Now complains if the coaches don't play her a whole game because they see her limp. And boy does it get taken personally if I remind her of the chain of events lol - she knows I'm right haha
And yep our area is a HUGE football area too - my dd's bf and his brother are perfect examples. BF is mega football star (varsity running back in both freshman and sophomore years *another reason dd has the star complex*) and his brother is the soccer star (he played varsity this year as a freshman) - dd says it's obvious how her bf is on a way higher pedestal in his family and in the community than his brother is. Our school was state champions two years ago for the second year in a row. Last year we lost in the semifinals in a major upset. (our boys did not take it seriously and half the team was out partying the night before). In DD's 8th grade year their team was also State Champions... So yeah EVERYTHING in this area is football...
And haha I'm a control freak and worrywart too... Good luck and keep us updated with what happens!! Would love to hear how it goes with the soccer coach!
Edited 5/23/2007 3:57 pm ET by kel7col4
If soccer is a relatively new sport in your area, he might have a shot but at a school with an established team and a strong past, Im hard pressed to see a kid who has never played making the team.
High school teams here and in many areas are made up of boys who have been playing together on travel for years and years. The only time Ive seen kids walk on the team here it's been a 'cultural' thing-immigrants who live in countries where soccer is like walking!!!
It may very well be what the coach is trying to politely say -"dont count those chickens until they are hatched"
But...if football is that big, soccer may be fledgling enough for him to make a go of it. It would be worth finding out how long the team has existed and what kind of wins they have had and have him absorb all that before making his decision.
Wind--Soccer is as big as any of the sports, except football. Well established, and kids that have played together since they could walk. We live in a small community--almost 40,000--with ONE public high school---you can imagine the number of kids that are here playing sports. We have a good YMCA program and soccer starts around 5 yrs old there......then competitive leagues, etc......it's BIG.
I agree w/ the coaches polite warning.....but I believe in my heart of hearts that he's also not saying 'NO WAY', but keep the options OPEN.
As an update, we had a huge knock down drag out....he says I lied to the soccer coach and the coach made his suggestion base on MY lie...that he may have an interest in football. He ADAMENTLY says he has absolutely no interest--no way---I've heard this about EVERY sport he plays in....until the day the sport starts, then suddenly he's all about it again.......he caves to peer pressure, and I think HE THINKS he's not intersted, but I can't be certain. Because of his history of turning on a dime with his decision making, I forced my hand and pretty much insisted he go to football camp AND play soccer on the summer league. After the soccer coach evaluates him, THEN we'll know more. IF he doesn't make soccer, he SWEARS he won't play football..........just like he was done w/ basketball when he didn't make the team.....the day practice started, he began as manager......out of the blue.....it's typical "T"-----so this way he's not burning his bridges w/ the football coaches JUST YET....and IF he should have a change of heart, which he may or may not...his doors are open. Who knows? His quick footedness and speed may make him desirable for soccer---which would be awesome for him.......I just don't want rash decsions.
So, according to him, I'm getting my 'way' and according to my DH and I, we are forcing him to keep his options open FOR NOW.....no expectations beyond football camp.......AND he'll play soccer in the summer league----seems reasonable to me, but right now he's ticked at me. The way I look at it is he'll get a good workout at camp AND at soccer, he's not pissing football coaches for now, and if IF he changes his mind, he'll have gone to camp......
Shels
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