New here and Completely frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
New here and Completely frustrated
5
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 4:37pm

Hi all...


I'm new to this particular board.

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Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 5:02pm

I know you were just here to Vent and I send you (((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) But I can't not, not tell you that it sounds Drug related to me (Aunt who just went through this with sister and nephew.) Suprize her, Drug test her. you will have answers....remeber also that kids these days are self medicating, cough syrup etc. My nephew was exactly like your DD, once my sister sent him away to a special school....she found out things that you would never believe (we are not nieve people) He is home now, after a 90 day stint away, he is better, the "Im in charge behavor" the sneaking out is done, the disrespect to my sister is gone, the anger outbursts have stopped, but sadly he will always be a recovering adict :( Good luck to you!

Jullie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 5:42pm

Many, many hugs to you. You have a LOT on your plate without having a DD with problems. From what you've said, I too strongly suspect that there's drug use involved. I'd test her too, and pray that it comes back clean.

I haven't had my hubby deployed for many years, but he did do several deployments in the 18 yrs that he was in the army after we married, and no matter what the age my kids were at the time, they always acted up during deployments. Never failed. Now, looking back, I realize I was also not the most effective mom for them when my hubby was deployed. Based on my experience, I wonder just how much your b/f's deployment is affecting not only your DD's behavior and attitude, but also your ability to parent her effectively. Do you live on or near a base where there is support not only for the wives/girlfriends of deployed soldiers, but also for children of deployed soldiers? I found my husband's unit's family support system to be invaluable during his deployments, and I know my DIL got a lot of support from the network in my DS's unit during his recent deployment to Iraq (just came back in Feb.) I see that your b/f hasn't been deployed as long as these problems have been going on, but I wonder if the stress leading up to the deployment as well as the actual deployment hasn't made things worse with your DD.

Just my thoughts - I've done the military thing for a long time, first 18 yrs with my DH, and now the past 4 yrs with my 3 DSs - all military (2 army, 1 marine.) Good luck to you - I know this has to be a very hard time for you!
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 7:13pm

Thank you both so much for your replies.

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Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 10:21am
So sorry you are going through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 5:01pm

Hi. I just wanted to let you know that I can understand a lot of your pain and stress. I have a soon-to-be 17 yr old DD who has us at our wit's end, too. Our problems just started within the past year, however, but it's been really rough.

She, too, is taking medication for depression (she started in Dec. '06), and, for a while, it seemed to be helping her. Now her behavior the past two months seems like it's come right back around to how she was before she was on the meds. She lies about nearly everything, from the smallest to the largest things, doesn't turn in important school assignments like final papers and journals even though she has had plenty of time to do them, worked with a math tutor (at considerable expense on our part) to bring up a failing grade only to really make no progress at all in the end, loses everything she gets in her hands, it goes on and one. She attended a residential arts high school in a neighboring city this past year, which meant she lived on campus. That was a total disaster and I can't tell you how many times I've kicked myself for allowing her to go. But she wasn't like this last year when she lived at home. She missed a few assignments and wasn't always the most responsible, but, really, this year it's like a different person has taken over her body and mind. Fortunately, she made the decision last month that she didn't want to return to that school for her senior year because she didn't want to pursue her art area (theater). So we'll be able to better monitor her because she'll be home.

I've wondered, too, if she were on drugs or drinking, but I really don't think that's the case. I don't think the meds are helping her at all, but her doctor doesn't see a problem with them. She also saw a therapist for the past six months, which, obviously, didn't do any good at all. We saw very brief changes in her behavior for a little while, but then it turned out to be a lie as well as she was only telling us what she knew we wanted to hear. When it came time for grades to be posted or whatever, then the truth came out. I know what you mean by feeling your DD is throwing her life away. My DD used to be an A/B student, on honor roll, received awards, the whole bit. Now she's lucky to pull a C in what used to be easy classes for her, her GPA is in the tank, and she's done nothing but get in trouble at school for really ridiculous lapses in judgment.

I've asked everyone I can think for advice as well, and nothing helps or works. We've been in contact with her teachers and the school residential life staff (very few of whom, unfortunately, really seemed too interested in her emotional issues). And, I broke my foot and had to have surgery back in January, so I was totally immobile for six weeks, which added to the stress as well. I understand your frustration completely. We're going to try a new therapist when we return from vacation and I really hope her being at home will help some, too. Plus she starts a part-time job this week and I hope that gives her some much-needed responsibility. I know I didn't offer anything new to help you, but I just wanted you to know I understand. If you need someone to vent to, feel free!